There Can Be Only One (Pet At A Time)

| FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I’m shopping for pet supplies at my local store when I overhear a conversation.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss?”

Employee: “Yes, ma’am? How can I help you?”

Customer: “My son’s gerbil just died. It was only two years old. He’s been completely miserable ever since.”

Employee: “Oh… I’m sorry about that. Did you want to look for a new pet? Our small animal section is right over here. We have hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs—”

Customer: “Yes. But I don’t see much point in getting an animal that’s just going to die in two years. Don’t you have any animals that don’t die?”

Employee: “…excuse me?”

Customer: Animals… that… don’t… die. Do you have any?”

(The employee gives her a blank look.)

Customer: “Do you have them or not?!”

Employee: “Um, I’m afraid all animals die eventually, ma’am. There’s nothing we can do about that.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll just go to [rival store], because you people have nothing but inferior products here!”

(The customer storms out of the store, leaving the bewildered associate standing there by herself. She makes eye contact with me from across the aisle, and we both start cracking up.)

Sell To A Betta Person

| Columbus, OH, USA | Pets & Animals

Customer: “I want betta fish. What size tank for those?”

Me: “I recommend at least a gallon, but if you can afford a five gallon one, that would be great!”

(The customer picks up one that holds only a pint of water.)

Customer: “How about this one?”

Me: “I really don’t recommend keeping your betta in a tank that small. Those are meant for temporary holding only. It’s not suited as a permanent home.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not? It says it’s for betta fish!”

Me: “Yes but that tank does not offer the amount of room necessary for a betta. It might be able to survive for a time, but it’s the equivalent of shoving a large dog in a closet and keeping it there for two years.”

Customer: “You don’t know what you’re talking about! Fish don’t think. They can’t feel pain. They’re nothing.”

Me: “As a matter of fact, they do. Their perception of pain is even more sensitive than humans.”

Customer: “Why should I care?”

Me: “If you don’t care, why do you want one if the first place?”

Customer: “To look nice! I want a pretty fish for people to look at when they visit my home!”

(I realize this customer isn’t going to provide a decent home for the fish, and refuse her the sale. The store owner agrees with me, and the customer storms out fishless.)

How To Train Your Customer

| Nanuet, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(A shipment of bearded dragons has just arrived at the store, and I’m placing them into the designated habitat when a customer walks up.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what are those?”

Me: “They’re baby bearded dragons.”

Customer: “Are those considered lizards or dragons?”

Me: “Uhh… they’re lizards, sir.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay.” *walks off disappointed*