Sell To A Betta Person

| Columbus, OH, USA | Pets & Animals

Customer: “I want betta fish. What size tank for those?”

Me: “I recommend at least a gallon, but if you can afford a five gallon one, that would be great!”

(The customer picks up one that holds only a pint of water.)

Customer: “How about this one?”

Me: “I really don’t recommend keeping your betta in a tank that small. Those are meant for temporary holding only. It’s not suited as a permanent home.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not? It says it’s for betta fish!”

Me: “Yes but that tank does not offer the amount of room necessary for a betta. It might be able to survive for a time, but it’s the equivalent of shoving a large dog in a closet and keeping it there for two years.”

Customer: “You don’t know what you’re talking about! Fish don’t think. They can’t feel pain. They’re nothing.”

Me: “As a matter of fact, they do. Their perception of pain is even more sensitive than humans.”

Customer: “Why should I care?”

Me: “If you don’t care, why do you want one if the first place?”

Customer: “To look nice! I want a pretty fish for people to look at when they visit my home!”

(I realize this customer isn’t going to provide a decent home for the fish, and refuse her the sale. The store owner agrees with me, and the customer storms out fishless.)

How To Train Your Customer

| Nanuet, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(A shipment of bearded dragons has just arrived at the store, and I’m placing them into the designated habitat when a customer walks up.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what are those?”

Me: “They’re baby bearded dragons.”

Customer: “Are those considered lizards or dragons?”

Me: “Uhh… they’re lizards, sir.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay.” *walks off disappointed*

A-Meow-Rica

| Noblesville, IN, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I am a customer at a pet store purchasing a dog harness. It is actually for my cat, who is too big for a cat harness.)

Cashier: “What a cute harness! What kind of dog do you have?”

Me: “It’s for my cat. She’s a Maine Coon.”

(The customer behind me overhears.)

Customer: “You can’t buy that! It’s for a dog!”

Me: “I know, but it will fit my cat.”

Customer: “That harness is for dogs only! D-O-G-S!”

Me: “But the cat harnesses are too small. My cat has to wear a dog harness.”

Customer: “Are you a foreigner or something? Real Americans like dogs!”

Me: “I am American and I like dogs, but I like cats, too.”

Customer: “Un-American!” *storms off*