Getting Red Over Going Green

| PA, USA | Right | May 24, 2015

(I’m ringing out a lady who is using two cards for one transaction. One is a gift card and the other a debit card.)

Me: “Just run that through as credit.”

Customer: “Which one is credit?”

Me: “Hit enter.”

Customer: “Which one?”

Me: “The green one.”

(She hits green and I give her a second total and she goes to slide her second card.)

Customer: “I want credit.”

Me: “Okay, same thing, just hit green.”

Customer: “I hit cancel for credit?”

Me: “No. Enter.”

Customer: “Which one is enter?”

Me: “Green.”

Customer: “Red?”

Me: “No. Green.”

Will Have To Take His Query With A Pinch Of Saltwater

| Tulsa, OK, USA | Right | May 22, 2015

(I am a manager at a pet store. I notice customer looking at the fish so I greet him.)

Me: “Hello, can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “I have a fish tank I set up last week and I’m ready to put a ‘Nemo fish’ in it.” *I assume he means a clown fish*

Me: “Salt water is always fun. We have a few different species of clown fish as well as other species of fish that can go with them.”

Customer: “I already picked the others I want.” *walks me over to the platys*

Me: “You said you have a saltwater set, right?”

Customer: “That’s right.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but platys are fresh water and unable to live in salt water.”

Customer: “So they can’t live together?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but no.”

Customer: “Well, what do I need so they can live together?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir… they can’t. One is freshwater and the other is saltwater.”

Customer: “But what do I need so I can mix them?”

Me: “Sir, as I said, they can’t be mixed. It’s biologically impossible to mix them. They need opposite types of water to live, salt or fresh.”

Customer: “Listen to me, god d*** it! Just tell me what I need to put them in the same tank!”

Me: “The only way to keep them in the same tank is if you have a tank divider and make one side freshwater and the other side salt water.”

Customer: “Well I might as well have two tanks then, but I’m not buying another f****** tank. NOW! WHAT DO I NEED TO HAVE BOTH OF THOSE FISH IN THE SAME DAMN TANK!”

(At this point I’m not sure how I can more accurately explain why this wont work the way he wants. He starts cursing at me to fix his problem and becomes very irate.)

Me: “Well, sir, you’re going to have to engineer a new fish that can live in both, and if you manage that I’m sure will win some kind of prize.”

(The tank ended up being a one-gallon desktop tank, although this was not as bad as a customer that got mad because I would not sell them a bearded dragon, a turtle, and a scorpion to all live in the same 10-gallon tank. That one wanted the animals to be friends and said I was stupid when I told her they would kill each other.)

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Not As Clear As Glass

| USA | Working | May 5, 2015

(A friend and coworker of mine surprised me with a case of Coca Cola in glass bottles for my birthday, so the both of us decide to drink one with our lunch. Our manager comes in and sees us drinking them.)

Manager: “Are you two drinking beer at work?”

Coworker: “No, it’s Coke. See?”

(She holds it up so he can see the label.)

Manager: “Don’t lie to me! Coke doesn’t come in glass bottles! You’re drinking beer, aren’t you?”

Me: “But Coke does come in glass bottles! They sell them at the [Grocery Store Chain]!”

Manager: “I go to the [Grocery Store Chain] all the time and I’ve never seen them selling Coke in glass bottles!”

Me: “Okay, fine. We’re not drinking Coke; it’s ‘Nuka Cola.'”

(Nuka Cola is a radioactive soda from a video game.)

Manager: “Oh, well, why didn’t you say so? Sorry to interrupt your lunch break. Make sure one of you reorganizes the shelves in the reptile section before you get off your shift. They’re a mess.”

Puppy Purchase Power

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | Right | May 4, 2015

(I am a customer at a large pet store, waiting in line to buy my cat a new collar. Checking out before me is a man and his very young Husky puppy, who is on the floor while this exchange goes on.)

Cashier: “Okay, so, is this it for you?” *begins scanning various items*

Man: “Yep, I think this is it.”

(Meanwhile, the puppy has gotten himself into a bin of rope toys near the ground, pulling three of them out with his teeth and spinning around with them, having the time of his life.)

Cashier: *looks over the counter at the puppy* “So, did you want a rope toy?”

(The man looks down, seeing the pup surrounded by rope toys, looking very happy with himself.)

Man: *laughs* “Sure, let’s get two of those.”

(The pup got to take one out in his teeth. His cuteness completely made my day!)

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The More Popular Animals

| Reno, NV, USA | Related | April 17, 2015

(My sister, her 18-month-old son, and I are walking through a local pet store to decide whether to get a fish for the house. My nephew has been talking for a while but his pronunciation still needs work.)

Nephew: *pointing at the fish tanks excitedly* “Look! Look, Mommy! B*****s!”

Me: *stifles laughter*

Sister: “No! No, [Nephew], those are FISHES.”

Nephew: “Yeah! B*****s!”

Me: *continues to hide laughter* “Why don’t we go look at something else?”

Sister: *shoots dirty look at me* “…Yeah.”

(We continue on to the reptile section and [Nephew] gets excited again when he sees the frog tanks.)

Nephew: “Mommy! Mommy! F***s! F***s!”

Sister: “[Nephew], no! Those are FROGS! Can you say frogs?”

Nephew: “Yeah! Look at da f***s!”

Sister: *facepalm*

Me: *practically on the floor with laughter*

Sister: *turning towards the exit* “Okay, time to go.”

Nephew: “No! No Mommy! Want f***s! Want B*****s!”

Sister: “We’re going home now, [Nephew]. No frogs or fishes.”

(My nephew proceeds to throw a huge fit, breaking down into tears within the first few seconds, and as we head out, managing to avoid the awkward stares of the other people, I stop laughing for a second.)

Me: “Aw, come on, [Sister], everybody wants f***s and b*****s!”

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