I worked at a little mom-and-pop pet store that sold all sorts of animals.
Male Customer: “I want to return this dog that I bought here. I wanted a male dog, but this dog has nipples. Male dogs don’t have nipples!”
I worked at a little mom-and-pop pet store that sold all sorts of animals. My manager approached a customer who was looking at the scorpions.
Manager: “Are you interested in one of our arachnids?”
Customer: “Scorpions aren’t arachnids, you idiot! Only spiders are arachnids!”
I work for an exotic bird store. We hand-raise all the birds we sell. We also offer everything needed for your feathered friends, such as toys, cages, food, treats, etc., as well as boarding and grooming.
Grooming is done on specific days and by appointment only. To add to this, there are many wildfires in our state at the moment and the store is even more busy than normal due to the store double-boarding to people being evacuated and needing emergency shelter for their birds.
Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”
Customer: “Hi. I’d like to know if you offer grooming?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am, we do.”
Customer: “Oh, great. I have a Cockatoo. How much would that be?”
Me: “That’s [price]. Would you like to schedule a time to bring her in?”
Customer: “Yes. What do you have for today?”
Me: “I’m sorry, we are fully booked for today; however, we have openings for tomorrow.”
I list the times available.
Customer: “So, I can’t bring her today? It’ll just be real quick, I promise.”
Me: “No, I’m sorry, ma’am. We only do grooming on [specific days], and it’s by appointment only. Today we are fully booked.”
Customer: “Are you sure you’re booked? I only need talons, nothing more.”
Me: “Yes, ma’am, we are booked.”
The customer gets agitated because she can’t be “squeezed in” and says never mind. I hang up the phone. Since it’s a busy day with the emergency calls, it rings as soon as I hang up.
Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”
It’s the SAME customer!
Customer: “Hi. I was wondering if you groomed Cockatoos?”
Me: “Ma’am, we just spoke. We’re still booked. I can put you down for tomorrow, but that is all we have available at the moment unless you want to sign up for next week.”
The customer screeched as she hung up.
Related:
Bird Brained, Part 11
Bird Brained, Part 10
Bird Brained, Part 9
Bird Brained, Part 8
Bird Brained, Part 7
It is January 2nd. I am working with my assistant manager. We have had a sign on the door for at least a month saying we, like many other businesses, will be closed on New Year’s Day.
An older woman marches up to the assistant manager.
Customer: “I came yesterday to get my precious dog’s food and there was no one here!”
Assistant Manager: “I am very sorry, ma’am, but we were closed yesterday because of the holiday.”
Customer: “I know! How dare you be closed?! I didn’t know you would be closed and I needed my dog’s food!”
Assistant Manager: “We had signs up on the door to tell you we’d be closed.”
Customer: *Gets angrier, going red in the face* “But I needed the food!”
I hurry away so I don’t get caught in the crossfire. Later, the assistant manager comes up to me.
Me: “She wanted us to open on a holiday just for her?”
Assistant Manager: “Exactly.”
About an hour or so before we close, a girl comes in and starts looking at our small animals.
Me: “Do you need any help?”
She starts to tell me about her boyfriend’s snake.
Customer: “I need to buy feeder mice for it.”
We have mice in stock, but they aren’t intended as food; they’re being sold as pets. I explain this to her and suggest she try one of the larger retailers in the area or a rodent specialty store.
She looks at me blankly for a moment.
Customer: “Yeah, I just want to buy some of these mice here.”
The conversation just goes downhill from there.
Me: “I thought you were looking for feeder mice.”
Customer: “I am.”
Me: “Well, those aren’t food. They’re pets. You’ll have to go to another store to get feeder mice.”
Customer: “These are mice, aren’t they? Why can’t I just feed these to my snake?”
Me: “Because we don’t sell our small mammals for food.”
Customer: “Well, fine, then. I want to buy some of these mice as pets.”
Me: “Um, you already told me you’re planning on feeding them to your snake.”
Customer: “Yeah, but if I hadn’t told you that, you’d have just sold me the mice. So just forget I said that.”
Me: “Sorry. I’m not selling you any mice.”
I walk back up to the front and hang out where I have a clear view of her while I wait for more customers to come in. The assistant manager has heard part of the conversation and commends me for not selling her the mice.
I realize snakes have to eat, too, and some snakes eat mice. We just have a store policy that we don’t send any of our mammals home with a customer unless we feel like it’s the right home for them; a home where they’re going to be fed to another animal isn’t exactly a safe environment.
I keep watching this lady and she’s still hanging around the mice, watching my every move. Any time I turn my head to greet a customer and look back, she has her hands on the mouse cage and will pull them away when she sees me watching her. Great… another thief-to-be.
My awesome assistant manager has gone into the back to finish up the day’s paperwork before we close, so it’s just me and one of the new salesgirls. I pull her aside (where I can still see Snake Girl) and point her out, explaining the situation and my suspicions.
After that, either one or both of us have our eyes locked on her wherever she goes in the store. Finally, she ends up by the gerbils… which are in an open-top glass enclosure. She keeps reaching into the enclosure, “playing” with the gerbils, watching us closely.
After about ten minutes, she gives up and leaves, only to return with her boyfriend, who corners me and starts asking me if mice make good pets because he’s thinking of getting a couple.
I motion for the new salesgirl to keep an eye on Snake Girl, while I explain to this man:
Me: “Your girlfriend already told us that you are planning to feed the mice to your snake, and our mice are not food.”
Customer’s Boyfriend: “That’s not my girlfriend!”
I hear a commotion by the gerbils. Apparently, Snake Girl has picked one up and is yelling at the new salesgirl for telling her to put it down.
Me: “You’ll have to leave since we won’t be selling you anything tonight.”
And wouldn’t you know, she and her boyfriend came back the next day and tried to buy the mice from a couple of my coworkers. Fortunately, they’d already heard the story and a description of the couple, so she didn’t have any luck with them, either.
