We’ll Sell You One When Guinea Pigs Fly

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals, School, Theme Of The Month

(It’s late August and temperatures have been in the high 90s since 7 am. It’s now nearly 3 pm when I get a call.)

Me: “Hello. Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Do you have any orange and white guinea pigs?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, all our guinea pigs are black but they’re very sweet and personable.”

Customer: “No, it really has to be an orange and white one.”

Me: “May I ask why?”

Customer: “Well, I’m a teacher at [Local Middle School] and I set the class guinea pig outside to clean my classroom this morning. I just checked on him and he’s dead.”

Me: “Sir, you’re telling me you left that guinea pig outside in near 100-degree weather without checking on him, leading him to die of heat stroke, and you want me to sell you another one?”

Customer: “…I’m not getting a guinea pig, am I?”

Baby Boa

| PA, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

(I work at a pet store in a large shopping mall. We sell pets and supplies. The customer in question is a well dressed woman in her late twenties.)

Customer: “Do you sell rabbits?”

Me: “Not year long; they are a seasonal item.”

Customer: “Do you have any large rats or guinea pigs? I need to feed my snake and it is quite large.”

Me: “Well, we do have some rats. Let me show them to you.”

(I take the customer over to the enclosure with the rats.)

Me: “Will any of these do?”

Customer: “Well they are a little small. I will just buy two of them. The snake is probably really hungry since he escaped for a while and we just found him.”

Me: “I am glad you got him back safe and sound. Was he gone for long?”

Customer: “Yes he was missing for quite a while. In fact, he hasn’t even met the baby yet.”

(I don’t know if it ever occurred to her that a missing snake large enough to eat a full grown rabbit could be a danger to her infant child!)

Like A Dog With A Bone About Your Dog

| USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(My dog and I are at a popular pet store where we are regular customers. I am pushing around a cart with my dog in it. He is very friendly and greets anybody who walks by.)

Customer: “Aw, what cute dog!”

(The customer pets him. She stops and looks into my cart to see a leash.)

Customer: “What the h***?!” *picks up and waves it on my face* “You are a animal abuser! Dogs should be running free!”

Me: “What? No! I am doing this for his safety. He gets out of my yard and chases after cars!”

Customer: *grabs my dog* “I am calling the police!”

Me: “No! Give me my dog back!”

(An employee runs over.)

Employee: “Miss! I am going to have to ask you to give the dog back.”

Customer: *holding my dog tightly, while he is fighting to get out of her arms* “No! He is being abused!”

Employee: “I assure you, that dog is not abused. I am going to call the police if you don’t let go of him.”

Customer: “Fine!” *throws my dog on the ground and runs out of the store*

(Luckily my dog was okay!)