Intelligence Is On Lockdown

| USA | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

Customer: “EXCUSE ME! Are you going to check me out or am I going to have to stand around at the register all night waiting on you to finish whatever you are doing?”

Me: *thinking we had accidentally closed the store on the customer* “Ma’am, we closed 15 minutes ago. My manager has already closed all of the registers. I’m sorry, but I cannot check you out and you will have to come back in the morning.”

Customer: “Is that why the door was locked?”

Pet Owners Should Not Be Airheads

| USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

(A customer comes in with her eight-year-old son. The fish are in small, plastic cups for the customers to view.)

Son: “Mommy! Look at the fishies!”

Customer: *looks at fish* “How nice.”

Son: “Can I get one?”

Customer: “Sure. Pick a fish, and let’s go.”

(They come to the counter, holding a fish.)

Son: “But, mommy, doesn’t he need a tank, and filter?”

Customer:  “No, don’t be silly. He can live in the cup.”

Son: “But he needs a filter for air!”

Customer:  “Don’t be so ridiculous. He’s a fish. He doesn’t need air. He breathes water.”

Me: “Actually, he’s right. This kind of fish needs at least a two gallon tank to live in, as well as a filter, gravel, and food.”

(The customer storms out with her son, mumbling about how we were ‘being stupid.’)

Got Ants In Your Pants About Buying This Animal

| AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

(I work at a well known pet store chain. Late at night, just a half hour before closing, we get a phone call from a tired sounding woman.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Pet Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: *sounds of customer trying to silence a barking dog* “Uh, yeah, do you have any anteaters?”

Me: *I pause because I’m a little surprised by this* “I don’t believe we do.”

Caller: “Are you sure? Because you kind of hesitated like you weren’t sure.”

Me: “You said anteaters? Is that a name of a product or—”

Caller: “No, like the animal. You know, like an anteater? Do you sell them?”

Me: “I’m sure we don’t.”

Caller: “You hesitated again. Maybe you should go make sure.”

(The store is not very large and neither are the animals we sell: nothing bigger than a guinea pig. I tell her I will check and put her on hold for a few seconds. I inform the working manager and he tells me to just tell her I didn’t find any anteaters, which is what I do.)

Caller: “Aw, man, really? I really need an anteater. Do you know if the other store carries them? What is it?”

Me: “[Competitor]?”

Caller: “Yeah! Do they have them? Do they have anteaters?”

Me: “I’m very certain they do not.”

Caller: “Are you sure? You kind of paused. Can you make sure?”

Me: “Ma’am, there is no way I can check a competitor’s stock but I am pretty sure they don’t sell anteaters.”

(After exclaiming her disappointment once again, she described to me her reason for needing an anteater. She told me she has a cousin who has a serious ant problem in her apartment and was told by a friend that they had solved a similar problem using an anteater, which, they said, can be purchased at some pet stores. What she intended to do with the large exotic animal after it served its purpose is still a mystery.)