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It’s A Deal-Breaker

| Boston, MA, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Money

(A customer comes up to my register with four clearance items.)

Customer: “These were in the clearance bin; the sticker says they used to be $17 but now they’re $9.”

Me: “No problem.” *scans item and discovers they’re actually $4 and used to be $8* “Oh, turns out they’re only $4. They must’ve been labelled incorrectly.”

Customer: “Really? How much were they before?”

Me: “$8.”

Customer: *thinks for a moment* “Never mind, then. $4 off isn’t as good as $8. I thought I was getting a better deal.” *leaves*

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We Are Siamese If You Don’t Please

| WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I’m the customer here. I have two long haired twin male cats that look Siamese but aren’t. I adore them and my debit card is a picture of them. I get asked about them a lot. I’m at the checkout buying cat food.)

Cashier: “Oh, they’re beautiful. Are they yours?”

(Someone grunts behind me.)

Me: “Yes, they’re mine. They’re twins!”

Cashier: “Wow! How old—”

Lady Behind Me: “Get real. They aren’t yours. You stole that picture from the Google!”

Me: *turning to face her* “No, I didn’t. Their names are [Names] and they’re mine. I’ve had them since they were five weeks old.”

Lady Behind Me: “That’s impossible. Cats don’t look like that! Quit lying! This girl is lying about her cats!”

(I pull out my phone and start scrolling through my pictures, where there are about 500 pictures of my cats.)

Me: “See? Mine.”

Lady Behind Me: “How much?”

Me: “Excuse me? They aren’t for sale, ma’am. ”

Lady Behind Me: “Everything has a price. How much are they? I’ll give you $1000 each.”

Me: “Lady, you can’t afford them. Nice try. Leave me alone.”

(I turn to pay and get my receipt, and the lady grabs my arm.)

Lady Behind Me: “TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS!”

Me: “You. Can’t. Afford. Them. Go. Away!”

Lady Behind Me: “Five grand each!”

(I had enough. All the money in the world couldn’t buy my cats, they’re mine. I turned to the lady.)

Me: “You mean you’ll give me ten thousand dollars for my cats, right now, today?”

Lady Behind Me: *smiling* “Yes, dear. I will. What is your address? I’ll pick them up tonight.”

Me: “It’s 123 Learn What No Means Avenue. Now leave me alone. My cats are hungry.”

Lady Behind Me: “I will follow you! I’ll get those cats!”

Me: “I dare you. The police will be waiting at my house for you. Now, go away.”

(Instead of buying her things, she followed me to the parking lot, screaming to everyone about how I wouldn’t sell her my cats. She followed me home, where an officer was waiting. She got a fine and screamed that I didn’t know what real money is. I told her I had more than enough money. I paid for the cat food with the last twenty dollars I had to my name, but she didn’t need to know that.)

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Barking Crazy

| Boston, MA, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

Me: “Hello! How are you today?”

Customer: “Hi there. I just wanted to let you know I had to throw away one of my dog’s toys that I bought here.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that! What was wrong with it?”

Customer: “Well, my dog was just OBSESSED with it. She loved it! Even after I took it away, she still wanted it! It MUST be those Chinese chemicals they put in them!”

(Pause.)

Coworker: “Is it a full moon?”

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