They Are Not Bona-Fido

| Working | August 15, 2013

(I have left work early to pick up my dog from the groomer before they close at 5 pm. I arrive at 4:50 pm, to find the place dark and locked. Frantic, I start to knock.)

Me: “Hello? Hello!”

(An employee walks up from down the sidewalk.)

Employee: “We’re closed.”

Me: “I’m here to pick up my dog.”

Employee: “All the dogs have been picked up already.”

Me: “What? I left my Sheltie here this morning, and I said I’d be here right before 5 pm to pick her up! She has to be here!”

Employee: “No, there are no dogs left here. Maybe someone else picked her up?”

Me: “No, my husband works too far away to get here in time. Nobody else would pick her up! Can you please look and see?”

Employee: *sigh* “Fine, but I’m telling you, there are no more dogs here.”

(The employee unlocks the salon, and goes into the back. After several minutes, she emerges carrying our dog.)

Employee: “She was in one of the cages in back. I had no idea she was there!”

(We never go back to that salon again!)

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Cut Price Cut-Throats

| Right | January 18, 2013

(It is standard grooming salon policy to make sure the customer is completely satisfied with their dog’s haircut before they leave. If not, we will fix what we can. I am returning a dog to its owner.)

Me: “Here he is, ma’am! Are you happy with the haircut?”

Customer: *examining dog* “Hmm… well… he looks okay except for the hair above his eyes is still a little too long.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that. Would you like me to trim it a bit more? It’ll only take a minute.”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Okay then, if you’re sure, that will be [price].”

Customer: “But that’s full price! You can’t charge me full price, because the hair above his eyes is too long!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I offered to trim it for you. I can still do that; it’ll just take a minute.”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Well then, it’ll be the same price I just told you.”

Customer: “But that isn’t fair! The hair above his eyes is still too long! I want a discount!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve offered to fix the hair above his eyes for you, but you’ve refused. I cannot give you a discount for something that I am willing and able to fix right here and now.”

Customer: “Well, did I say too long? I meant it was too short! It’s too short! You can’t fix that now, can you!? I want a discount!”

(She proceeded to throw a tantrum for the next ten minutes and only paid up and left when I threatened to call the police on her. Needless to say, she and her dog are no longer welcome back.)

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Way Off On Days Off

| Working | August 17, 2012

(I have worked as a bather at a pet salon for almost four years now. Our new assistant manager has taken over scheduling and has completely changed the way we request days off. One week, I absolutely need a certain day off because I’m going to a funeral. Lo and behold, when I get my schedule, I have the funeral day on. So I go to the assistant manager.)

Me: “Hey Jen, can I ask you something?”

Assistant Manager: “Yeah, what’s up?”

Me: “Well, I really needed Friday off, but you put me on the schedule anyway.”

Assistant Manager: “Yeah, I can’t give you that day off. You didn’t give a valid reason.”

Me: “My uncle’s funeral isn’t a valid reason?”

Assistant Manager: “If it was like, your mom or something, I could give you, like, the whole week off. But, like, not for some random family member who you probably don’t even know.”

Me: “I can work any other day but Friday. I’m sorry, but I just can’t work that day.”

Assistant Manager: “Whatever. Don’t show up. I don’t care. I’d like to see your a** fired! Just like, leave!”

(I’m fed up with her attitude, so I go off to the owner’s office.)

Me: “Hey Dave?”

Owner: “Yeah?”

Me: “I was supposed to have Friday off for my uncle’s funeral, but Jen put me on the schedule anyway. She said it wasn’t a valid reason.”

Owner: *sighs* “You’re only the eight millionth person to complain about Jen’s scheduling. I’ll have a word with her, but go ahead and take Friday off. H***, if you need any more days off this week, go ahead and take ’em. I’ll make HER cover your shift.”

(I got my Friday off, and Jen was livid when she found out that she would have to take my shift. She screwed up the schedule a few more times after that. Needless to say, she’s not allowed to do scheduling anymore!)


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Woofing Vicariously

| Right | February 16, 2012

(A customer brings in two Chihuahuas for nail trims.)

Customer: “The male will need to be muzzled.”

(The groomer prefers not to muzzle a dog unless absolutely necessary, but gets the correctly-sized muzzle, and put it on the dog as requested. The dog struggles a bit, but is not unduly stressed.)

Customer: *screaming* “Take it off! Take it off! It’s too tight! I’m claustrophobic!”

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Wetness Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

| Right | January 25, 2012

(I operate a mobile pet hydrobath, and I’m brushing knots out of a border collie before washing him. He is still completely dry when his owner comes out of the house.)

Customer: “Where’s the drowned rat?”

Me: *laughs* “He’s not drowned yet. I’m just going to brush out these knots.”

Customer: *to his dog* “Aww, who’s a drowned rat?”

(I figure he can’t see into the bath and didn’t hear me.)

Me: “I haven’t washed him yet. I’m just giving him a good brush first.”

(The owner climbs into the trailer where he can clearly see the completely dry dog.)

Customer: *to his dog* “Now that’s a drowned rat if ever I saw one!”

Me: “Heh, not yet—”

Customer: *to his dog* “Who’s a drowned rat?”

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