Customer: “Hi, can I get my dog’s nails clipped?”

Me: “Yes, have you been here before?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay.” *pulling up info* “It looks like your dog’s rabies certificate expired last month.”

Customer: “I have the papers at home. I’ll bring it in next time.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we need the current rabies certificate to do nails.”

Customer: “So you don’t want to do them?”

Me: “I can’t do them, sir. It’s our policy.”

Customer: “I thought that was just for grooming.”

Me: “No, sir, it’s for all services. I can’t–”

Customer: “Fine, I’m never coming back again!” *storms out*

(While closing up shop alone one night, two gentlemen walked in and the following conversation took place.)

Customer #1: “So, uh… how much experience do you need to groom dogs?”

Me: “Well, none to start out. They start you as a bather, and then after about three months they send you through an academy to learn how to groom dogs.”

Customer #1: “You gotta go to school for this?”

Me: “Yes, it’s actually not as easy as it looks.”

Customer #1: “You make a lot of money?”

Me: “Well, that’s hard to say. We work on commission, so… it just depends on how many dogs you can do in a week.”

Customer #2: “You think if you’ve got a cruelty to animals charge, they’ll let you work here?”

Me: “…no.”

Customer: *calling on the phone* “Hello, I’d like to make an appointment with the groomer. My dog won’t get up and walk around, and every time I touch his leg, he whimpers. I think it may be broken.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I don’t think the groomer is the best place to take an animal with a broken leg. Your best bet would be to call a vet, and have them look at the animal.”

Customer: “Vets are expensive. A groomer deals with animals as well. Shouldn’t they know everything a vet does?”

Me: “Ma’am, bringing a dog with a broken leg to a groomer is like bringing a kid with a broken leg to a hairdresser. I think a vet would be a much better choice.”

Customer: “Well, I NEVER! That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Me: “I won’t lie to you; that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever had to say. You have a nice day.” *hangs up*