(I’ve worked at this vet’s office for over a year. I’ve found myself butting heads with a sort-of new coworker, who worked at a different vet for a few years and will stubbornly try to conform all our documents and protocols to what her old workplace did. She’s started assuming anything I do or say is automatically wrong. On this particular workday, a cat that stays with us regularly has arrived.)

Coworker #1: “I’m bringing back, uh, [Cat] to board.”

Supervisor: “Put him in one of the big cages.”

Me: “I’ll grab the sign.”

(I grab one of our warning signs and go to hang it on the cat’s cage door.)

Coworker #1: “Woah, woah woah, he doesn’t need that! He’s been sweet so far!”

Me: “I’ve met him before, and he’ll rip your face off.”

Coworker #1: “No, he would NOT! You can’t just go saying things like that!”

Coworker #2: *silently dying of laughter behind Coworker #1*

(Fast-forward a couple weeks. I arrive at work and see that the same cat has arrived the day before. Then Coworker #1 arrives, with some recent claw marks on her face and neck. When she’s out of earshot, Coworker #2 comes up to me.)

Coworker #2: “You know, [Cat] tried to rip [Coworker #1]’s face off yesterday.”

Me: “Really? I warned her, didn’t I?”

Coworker #2: *laughs* “Oh, yeah, you did!”

(We had to suffer through even more bossy and angrily manic behavior than usual. Guess we deserved it, for making fun.)

(I see an ad that says, ‘Pet Daycare hiring: No experience necessary.’ I’ve pet sat before, so I apply. A few days later, I get called for an interview and so I go. Everything is going fine until…)

Interviewer: “So you say that you pet sat before. How many dogs can you handle?”

Me: “At the same time?” *she nods* “14!”

(I’m expecting that she would be pleased, since every time that I had mentioned this to anyone, they were in awe. But she looks dismayed.)

Interviewer: “We handle 45.”

Me: *shocked* “45 dogs? At one time?”

Interviewer: “Yes. You must clean up after 45, you must walk 45, and you must do it all on your own. Large dogs. Can you handle that?”

Me: *flabbergasted* “I, uh… um… I’m not sure. I guess?”

(Right then, I was thinking of a way to politely end the interview. Thankfully, the interviewer did it shortly after. I almost told them they ought to take off the ‘no experience necessary’ part of their ad but decided not to.)

(I’m meeting a new client to sit for her three dogs while she is on vacation, the only pets she had informed me about via email. Right on cue after she finishes introducing the third dog, a cat runs up the stairs, meows, and throws himself down at my feet for attention.)

Client: “Oh, right! I have a cat, too…”

(I’m at the front desk to check out a regular customer who has a Kuvasz, a very large and furry white dog, of which I am very fond. The owner and I have spoken on several occasions. At the time it is changing from summer to fall and the dogs are shedding quite a bit. Keep in mind I have a pretty thick New England accent.)

Owner: “How did everything go today with Indigo?”

Me: “Oh, very well! Of course, she was shedding all over the place!”

Owner: *furrows brow* “She… she pooped all over?”

Me: *realizing my own accent* “SHED. SHED-DING. Like her hair’s coming out!”

(We shared a laugh about it, but I was so embarrassed!)

(I’m going on a long trip and have to board my cat. He’s a sweetie, but he’s a huge grey tabby, nearly 20 pounds. Not fat, just gigantic. As such, his crate is one normally used for dogs.)

Me: “Hi, I’m here to have my cat boarded. I have a reservation.”

Receptionist: “Yes, I see. Is this your cat?”

Me: “Yes.”

Receptionist: *looking inside the crate* “Um, sir? We don’t take exotic animals.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Receptionist: “That’s some sort of bobcat or something. We can’t board exotic pets.”

Me: “No, he’s just a cat. He’s big, but he’s a cat.”

Receptionist: “Are you sure?”

(My cat at that point, since he doesn’t like being crated, had the decency to meow. I open the crate so they can see him fully.)

Receptionist: *still a little concerned* “My god, he’s huge!”

Me: “Yeah, but he’s the sweetest thing.”

(I pick him up and he holds onto me as he’s a bit nervous with the new place.)

Receptionist: “Okay…”

(When I came back from my trip, they all were gushing at how friendly my cat was… the Gentle Giant.)