Like A Dog To A Bone

, , | Right | January 1, 2018

(I work in the reception of a dogs’ home. I have been told to blacklist a woman who has been found to have mistreated her pets to the point that two have died, and the remaining one has been taken away. We hear she has been blacklisted in her local area, and has now travelled further out to a completely different county to acquire a pet. The vet who works with us spots her in the car park and warns everyone. She comes in, waves to us quickly, knocks over a volunteer, and runs straight into the kennels before we can really do anything. The vet and I follow her.)

Me: “Excuse me, are you [Woman]?”

Woman: “Yes! I want this golden retriever, and this Chihuahua, please. I don’t care about vaccinations or insurance. Oh, and this—”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Woman: “No, I’m here to get a pet, you see. My last one died unexpectedly.”

Vet: “Yes, we are aware.”

Woman: “What?”

Vet: “We know about your last three pets, and the neglect you showed them. We have decided to blacklist you. You aren’t allowed to adopt here.”

Woman: “Humph! You care more about a mangy mutt than my happiness?”

Me: “Yes, we care more about the lives you’ve been ruining, in particular the lives that have ended under your care.”

Woman: “That’s a terrible business plan. The customer is always right! If you aren’t willing to take my money, I will go elsewhere.” *storms out*

Me: “God, I hope she never gets another pet again.”

Vet: “She probably will. She’ll move to a catchment area that hasn’t been informed, and she’ll start over again. People like that don’t care.”

(We heard later that she had visited almost every dogs’ home in the county, before moving on. She’s relentless.)

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A Place Where Your Pet Can Stretch Its Leg

, , , , , , | Working | November 29, 2017

(My mother and I are dropping off our cat at a boarding place, and we are asked to fill out a sheet describing her physical well-being, noting things such as her allergies. We are almost finished.)

Me: “Don’t forget the leg.”

(My cat had her back leg amputated at a young age.)

Mom: “Of course.”

(She writes it down on the sheet. Just then, my small cat squeezes out of her carrier and starts limping across the tile floor. We catch her, place her back in her carrier, and hand the sheet to the woman behind the counter. She scans the sheet.)

Woman: “Oh, [Cat] has three legs?”

Mom: “Yes.”

Woman: “You know, I thought she had an odd gait. That would explain it.”

Mom: “…”

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Good Thing They Didn’t Weight Any Longer

, , , , , , | Working | November 28, 2017

(I am about ten years old. My family has just returned from a two-week vacation and my mom, sister, and I are picking up our dog from a boarding kennel. Though we have boarded her many times before, this is the first time using this particular facility. When the employee brings out our dog, she is noticeably thinner.)

Mom: “How come she looks so thin?”

Employee: “She ran out of food.”

(My mom left some food with her when we dropped her off, assuming it would last.)

Mom: “You didn’t feed her? Why didn’t someone call me? You could have bought more and charged it to me. This is ridiculous!”

Employee: “Ma’am, you should have left more food with her. You only gave her enough to last a week and a half.”

Mom: “She’s been without food for three days?! Look. I’m sorry. I thought I had enough, but surely someone could have called or something. There was no reason for her to starve!”

(My mom paid and left. We subsequently weighed the dog and found that she had lost three pounds; a lot for a 17-pound dog. I know my mom made a mistake, but they at least could have called or fed the dog and charged us when we picked her up. I’m not sure, but my mom may have reported them. We certainly never returned there.)

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You’re Going To Need To Sit(ter) Down For This

, , , , , | Right | September 1, 2017

(I have a regular job, but I also have a side job pet- and house-sitting. I charge different rates depending on how far I’d have to commute to my regular job, how many pets the client has, etc. I’ve recently finished a job with [Client A], who lives near me and only has one cat. She has recommended me to [Client B], who contacts me.)

Client B: “Hello, I need to hire a sitter. I’ll be out of town for 12 days.”

Me: “Hi, thanks for contacting me. First, a few questions.” *I ask for relevant info.*

Client B: “I have three dogs and two cats, and my address is [street]. [Client A] told me you charge $35 a day.”

Me: “Well, [Client A] was getting a different rate. For your care, I’d have to charge a bit more.”

Client B: “Why?”

Me: “[Client A] lives much closer to me and has one cat, whereas you’re on the other side of town and have multiple animals. It would take more travel and more work.”

Client B: “They’re easy to take care of. Just feed them and let them in and out.”

Me: “Even so, it would still be a much longer drive for me to get to work. I’d be spending extra time and gas every day.”

Client B: “Work? I thought this was your work.”

Me: “I also have a day job. Sitting is nice supplemental income, but it’s not steady enough for me to pay rent from it alone.”

Client B: “Rent? Why would you pay rent? Don’t you just live at your client’s houses?”

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Hats Off To The Dog’s Eating Habits

, , , | Right | August 31, 2017

(I work in a doggy daycare where we have three separate playrooms for group playtime, with the dogs separated by size into small and big play areas. We also all carry walkie-talkies, in case whoever is supervising playtime needs anything. I am in the small playtime area and a coworker is in the big one when this happens:)

Coworker: *over walkie-talkie* “Um… is [Dog]’s dad Jewish?”

(I immediately grab my walkie and put it to my ear to hear the rest of this.)

Senior Associate: *confused* “Yeah…why?”

Coworker: “Well, she just pooped out a yarmulke…”

(Approximately ten minutes of radio silence follows as everyone lapses into hysterics. From the small playroom I have a clear view into the daycare lobby and main office, and I can see the senior associate, assistant manager, and manager all doubled over laughing. When the laughter eventually subsides, the senior associate goes to the big playroom to check on [Dog], who is totally fine, and collect the yarmulke which, miraculously, is still in one piece. As no one on staff that day is Jewish, no one knows how important a yarmulke is so the management doesn’t feel comfortable throwing it in the garbage and instead puts it into a plastic bag. Later on, when [Dog]’s dad comes to pick her up, everyone immediately congregates in the lobby to watch his reaction. Being a yellow lab, [Dog] is well known for her nutty antics, so her dad just rolls his eyes and smiles when he sees all of us grinning.)

Dog’s Dad: “All right, what did she do this time?”

Senior Associate: *trying desperately to keep a straight face* “Mr. [Last Name] are you… um… are you perhaps missing a yarmulke?”

Dog’s Dad: *surprised* “Yeah, how did you—” *eyes widen in realization* “No…”

Senior Associate: “Well, during camp today, [Dog] kind of…”

Dog’s Dad: “PLEASE don’t tell me she threw up my yarmulke!”

Senior Associate: “I can honestly say she did not throw up the yarmulke.”

Dog’s Dad: *confused for a moment, then eyes bulging in horror* “NO…”

Senior Associate: “Well, it’s still in one piece and we saved it in a bag in case you—”

Dog’s Dad: *shaking his head* “NO.”

Senior Associate: “Okay, well, is there a special way to dispose of—”

Dog’s Dad: “NO.”

([Dog], of course, couldn’t care less about any of this as her dad, still shaking his head, pays for the day and starts to leave.)

Dog’s Dad: “[Dog], I cannot BELIEVE you!”

Me: “Well, you gotta figure God has a sense of humor.”

([Dog’s Dad]’s head whips up to stare at me for a moment before he bursts out laughing.)

Dog’s Dad: “You know what? You’re right. And ‘dog’ is ‘God’ spelled backwards; they are His most beloved creatures.”

Me: “And besides, the threads could’ve tangled up her intestines really badly. At least she’s okay.”

Dog’s Dad: *still smiling* “You’re right. I’m just grateful she’s okay. But seriously, [Dog], give me a break!”

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