(I am 18 and working night shift. I rely on a bus to get me home at 12:30 am. It isn’t so bad, as the bus I catch stops right out front of my house. There is another bus that goes in the general direction of my house, but not quite near enough, resulting in a twenty-minute walk home. It should also be noted that the second bus stops running at 7:00 pm, every night. One particular night, rather than turning onto my street, the driver tries to take the other route, resulting in a walk home in a not-too-friendly suburb at 12:40 am.)

Me: “Excuse me, but you were supposed to turn back there.”

Bus Driver: “No, I do this route all the time; it’s straight ahead.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but no. The bus you’re thinking of is [Route Number], and it stopped running at 7:00 pm. I catch this bus every night. Please, turn around.”

Bus Driver: “I don’t know…”

(The driver pulled out a map and looked at where his particular route is marked out. There were a couple of other people on the bus, none of whom spoke up for some reason. It took ten minutes of the bus driver looking at his map, and me begging him to just turn around, before a man spoke up and told the driver that I was right. He finally obliged and turned around. He also gave me the stink eye as I thanked him, after I’d reached my stop. I’m so glad I have my licence now.)

(My mum wants to buy an iPad mini. She plans to get an e-reader and Bible app, so she doesn’t have to carry her heavy Bible to church anymore. She is in her 70s, and not computer-savvy at all, so she takes me with her. Even though I’ve reassured her a couple of times already that the iPad can get a Bible app onto it, she is still asking me. This happens when we are in the store as the sales guy is talking to us.)

Mum: *to the sales guy* “Now, you’re certain that this can have the Bible on it?”

Sales Guy: “Oh, for sure. It’s easy to download. You can get many other fun apps, too, if you like puzzles, or even some brain training stuff.”

Mum: “Hmm, okay, if you’re certain. I’ll get it.”

Sales Guy: “Excellent. If you follow me to the front, we can get that sorted out for you.”

Mum: *to me as we reach the counter* “So, you’re absolutely su—”

(Having gotten annoyed, I kind of snap at her.)

Me: “Yes, I’m freaking sure. Hell, I can probably download twelve different Bibles in eight different bloody languages, if you want!”

(The sales guy rang us up while trying really hard not to laugh. I did apologise. I got the app onto the iPad when we got home, and Mum was super happy when I told her I found a free section for romance and mystery ebooks online. We were talking about that day a few days ago, and she said she doesn’t know why she continued asking.)

(I’m in my computer room when I hear our landline ring, then my mum talking. After hanging up she tells me what the call was.)

Scammer: “Hello, I’m ringing to talk to you about a competition that you and your husband entered to win a holiday to Bali.”

Mum: “Really? That would be difficult for my husband to do.”

Scammer: “Really, ma’am? Why is that?”

Mum: “Well, my husband has been dead for 18 years, so you see that problem.”

Scammer: “Oh, really? Um, well, have a good night. Sorry to have taken your time. Bye.”

(I work in drive-through with a lot of immigrant workers mostly from Asia. I’m white.)

Customer: *pulls up to my window* “Oh, thank God, a real white Australian girl. Finally! You have too many Asians at this store; they can’t even speak English!”

Me: “Um… That’s [total]. Please drive forward.”

(I go up to my [white] manager to complain about how racist the customers are.)

Manager: “Okay, one second.” *speaking in headset* “[Coworker], can you hand these coffees out?”

(A Chinese coworker hands out the coffees to some very angry racist customers.)

Manager: “And that’s how you piss off racist people.”

(A pink and grey galah [cockatoo] turns up at my dad’s work site. He is obviously a pet, as he is tame and has clipped wings, so he can’t fly. He is very hungry, so he must have been lost for a while. We check everywhere we can to see if his previous owners are looking for him, and find nothing. So, we decide to keep him; we name him Wally and buy him a large cage. He has recently moulted, so my parents take him to the unusual pet vet to get his wings clipped, so he doesn’t hurt himself. When they arrive home, I ask them how it went:)

Mum: “Wally was good, even though the vets said that he was a bit naughty when they took him! But, we did meet a very strange woman. She was there with her 40-year-old galah called Lulu.”

Dad: “She was certainly what you could call a ‘crazy bird lady.’ Apparently, she had another galah at home, too. At dinner, they all sit together, with their own seats and plates. They even drink out of her cup!”

Mum: “She told us that when she eats things like yoghurt, she has a spoonful, then gives each of the birds a spoonful, too! And they’re free flying, so she’s secured half of her back garden off for them.”

(Though it seems like a weird relationship, I’m sure the galahs enjoy their life of luxury!)