His Wife Is The Perfect Package

, , , , , , | Right | November 12, 2018

(After work, I have to head to the post office to pick up a package. There is a counter at my post office specifically for people to pick up packages, registered mail, etc. I am a few customers in, and we’re waiting while the person working the counter is in the back room. She comes out, and comes up to the counter, talking to [Customer #1].)

Post Office: “I’m sorry, but like I said, we don’t have your packages.”

Customer #1: *clearly irritated* “Well, look again! I need those packages! One of them is for my son!

(The post office lady just rolls her eyes and agrees to look in the back room for what seems to be a least the third time. There are collective groans in the line, as it’s clear this has been going on for a while. The post office lady comes back a couple of minutes later.)

Post Office: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t see anything, and according to the computer, this stuff was picked up a few days ago.”

Customer #1: “That can’t be right! Hold on. I’m going to call my wife and prove it!”

(He makes a big show of taking his cell phone out, phoning his wife, and putting the call on speaker phone.)

Customer #1: “I’m here at the post office now, and she claims they don’t have either of the packages!”

Wife: “Why would they? [Customer #1], you picked those up on Friday.”

Customer #1: *long pause* “What?”

Wife: “They’ve been sitting on the counter unopened all weekend. You’re the one who signed for them and everything!”

(Turning a lovely red colour, he hung up the phone and abruptly left the line with his head down. The poor post office lady had a very weary look on her face by the time she got to me, and I could totally see why.)

Unfiltered Story #123470

, , , | Unfiltered | October 13, 2018

I work as a manager in a popular kid’s store where children can stuff their own plush toy I got this call today from a woman i would guess in her 30’s from her voice

me: “thank you for calling [store] where best friends are made! this is {me} How may I help you?”

her: “yeah i have a complaint!”

me: “I’m sorry to hear that, I’m the manager on duty at the moment. May I ask what the problem is?”

her: “uhm yeah..” {suddenly angry} “ONE OF YOUR BEARS RAPED MY DAUGHTER!”

(mind you at this store our associates are called bears, and I can’t picture any of them doing anything like this but I’m still a bit freaked out)
me: “ma’am I assure you I take this very seriously. Can you describe the person…”

her (interrupting): NO! NOT AN EMPLOYEE ONE OF YOUR TEDDY BEARS TOUCHED MY DAUGHTERS VA-GI-NA! NOW I WANT A FREE BEAR BEFORE I SUE YOUR ASS!!!

me: *silence* ma’am I’m very sorry but if you believe there has been a sexual assault, you need to contact the police” *hangs up*

coworker: what was THAT about?

me: I’m not sure I even want to know…

Depends What Part Of The Cow You Get

, , , , | Right | September 19, 2018

(We are working the drive-thru at dinner time, at a restaurant known for soups and sandwiches.)

Order Taker: “Thank you for choosing [Restaurant]. This is [Order Taker]. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Can I get that steak and areola sandwich?”

(It took everything we had not to laugh!)

Taking A Boob To The Eye

, , , , , | Right | September 14, 2018

(I work at an optical. In the state of Arizona it is required to update your contact and glasses prescription once a year. Also, it is illegal for an optical to sell or give out contacts on an expired prescription. We could lose our license and ability to operate. Sadly, this situation happens ALL THE TIME! A customer walks in quickly, pushing herself in front of everyone, and waves in my face to get my attention, which she already had.)

Customer: “HELLOOOO! Oh, my gosh, this is such an emergency! I dropped one of my contacts down the sink, and I’m about to go on a date!”

Me: “Well, that’s no good! Let me look it up in the system. What’s your name?”

Customer: *states name*

Me: “I’m so sorry, but it seems like you’re overdue for an exam and we need to update the RX before we can give you cont—”

Customer: “WHAT?! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! GET YOUR MANAGER!”

Me: “Sure.”

(I tell my manager the situation, and he sighs and quickly walks up. The customer is turned around doing something with her button-up blouse.)

Manager: “Hello, ma’am. What—”

Customer: *whips around with her blouse unbuttoned so low that her boobs are practically falling out* “Hi! Wow! Your eyes are super pretty! Is there any way I can get one little contact? See, it’s super-duper important!” *smiles huge and bats eyelashes*

Manager: *who is happily married* “No, sorry, ma’am. It is illegal here in Arizona to dispense an expired RX.”

Customer: “WHAT?! I KNOW THAT. CAN’T YOU DO IT JUST THIS ONCE?!”

Manager: “Sorry, no, but I can schedule you—”

Customer: “F*** YOU! YOU MUST BE GAY!” *storms out*

Me: “Uh… okay?”