(Every year on New Year’s Eve, my family has a big sleepover at my grandmother’s house. Cousins, grandchildren, and out-of-state relatives will all travel to partake in this. This year, we have someone new participating as my uncle, who lives next door to my grandmother, just got married and now has a 17-year-old stepson. None of us know him very well; most of us are meeting him for the first time at this sleepover. Pretty much all any of us really know about our new cousin is that he really, really likes Star Wars. He notices that one of my younger cousins, who is equally a big fan of Star Wars, is wearing BB-8 pajamas and starts questioning her about her knowledge.)

Cousin #1: “BB-8, huh? Have you seen any of the older movies or just the new ones?”

Cousin #2: “No, I’ve seen them all.”

Cousin #1: “Have you ever actually seen a movie in theaters?”

Cousin #2: “My dad took me to see a free screening of A New Hope at [Local Discount Theater] once.”

Cousin #1: “Oh? Well, then, what about Clone Wars? Have you ever seen either of the Clone Wars cartoons?”

(He eventually starts quizzing her on very specific moments in Star Wars lore and, to her credit, she can answer most of them pretty well until she gets to one question about the show “The Mandalorian” that stumps her.)

Cousin #2: “I don’t know! I haven’t seen it yet because we don’t have Disney+!”

(By this point, I’m starting to worry that he’s gatekeeping and trying to assess whether or not she’s a “true fan,” and I’m getting ready to intervene and defend her if I have to, until I see him smile and get excited.)

Cousin #1: “Yes! I found something you don’t know! Let me get my Xbox so I can show you!”

(He ended up running next door to his house and grabbing his Xbox so they and a bunch of the other kids could stay up all night watching “The Mandalorian” and other Disney shows on his Disney+ account. The next day, the two of them were gushing about Star Wars and he sent her home with a couple of his favorite novels to read. I think he is going to fit in with our family just fine.)

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(By the end of my four-year reign as a cashier, I am pretty done with my job. We have this one regular coupon scammer who comes through the express lane with too many items to hold people up and fluster the cashier into taking her coupons. One day, I see them in my line and decide I’m done with them, too.)

Customer: *starts unloading stuff onto the belt, mostly trial-size shampoos and deodorants*

Me: *scans things extra slowly, paying attention to the items* 

Customer: “Here. Take these.” *thrusts coupons in my direction*

Me: “Of course.”

(Before scanning them, I decide to take my time reading the entirety of the fine print of the coupon while the scammer gets antsy. It’s for $1 off shampoo and unsurprisingly, excludes trial-size items.)

Customer: “Are you new? You’re just supposed to scan them. That’s how coupons work, sweetie.”

Me: *puts on my best customer service smile* “Unfortunately, this coupon says it doesn’t include trial-size items, so this type of shampoo won’t count.”

Customer: “Yeah, but if you scan it, it’ll take it off.”

Me: *scans it to humor them, and it’s rejected* “Sorry, the register won’t accept it.”

Customer: *exasperated sigh* “Well, the cashiers normally take it off anyway when the register doesn’t work.”

Me: “I wouldn’t be able to do that myself; I could get a manager—”

Customer: “Whatever! Just put the shampoos back! Try this coupon.”

(I did the same thing again as a line started to form behind them. The next coupon was the same type of deal and I said it couldn’t be accepted. I went through their whole stack of coupons and most of them weren’t usable. The scammer eventually got frustrated enough that they stormed out without buying anything and I just smiled as I put everything back in my returns bin. I know a lot of cashiers and managers usually would just put the coupons through so they wouldn’t cause a fuss but hey, sometimes it’s the petty little things in life.)

(I am at the grocery store, going to the self-checkout. There are two self-checkout areas right next to each other. I see one is busy, with a line of about four people, while the other area is completely empty. At first, I assume that the other area is broken, but when I look, all the machines are on and seem functional. So, I carry my basket over to one of those lines, bypassing the line entirely. Not even two seconds later, the lady who had been at the front of the line suddenly bustles over to my station with her cart.)

Customer: “Ahem!”

Me: *turning to look at her* “Hello?”

Customer: “It is very rude to just jump the line like that! You need to go wait your turn.”

Me: *looking at the other empty stations* “I’m sorry, but that line was apparently waiting for the other area. This area was empty; it’s not my fault none of you were willing to move over.”

Customer: “IT IS RUDE!” *tries to push her cart into me*

Me: *stops the cart with my foot* “Hey! Back off!”

(At that point, the employee who is supposed to be watching the area comes over, and the lady starts shouting to him about how rude I was. While that happens, I manage to finish scanning my items, feed my money into the machine, and then grab my change and bags and start to walk off.)

Customer: “Where are you going? You need to wait your turn!”

(I just waved.)

(I am telefundraising for our school.)

Me: “Hello, I’m calling from [School]. Can I speak with Mr. [Call Recipient]?”

Old Man: “Why do you people always call when I’m eating my baked potato?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir… Is there a better time to reach you when you won’t be enjoying your potato?” 

Old Man: “I never know when I’ll be having one… but somehow you always do.”

(Click.)

I wasn’t here for this one but it was too funny not to share and my boss showed me the pictures.

It was closing one night and my boss was helping out some newish workers with closing, showing them the procedure to shut down the register and everything. 

We always start off the day with $300 in the till. Lots of coins, some 1s, 5s, 10s, and 20s, a good variety to start off the day, you know?

So, after watching them count out the register and compare it to the totals in the system, he told them to leave $300 in the till for the morning. He then left them to it so he could finish out a few things himself, thinking the situation was in good hands.

The next morning he came in before closing and, like always, went to grab the deposit bag. But today he noticed that the deposit bag was very, very heavy and jingled a lot. After a second, he realized what may have happened but checked the till.

Sure enough, the till for the register was completely empty except for three 100 dollar bills. 

He had to take a picture of it; thankfully, he saw the humor in it, though he certainly didn’t enjoy sorting through all the coins. We did explain to the new workers that starting off the day with just three one-hundred-dollar bills is not a good idea.