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Storage Wars: Christmas Special

, , , | Right | August 27, 2021

It is three weeks after Christmas. All of our Christmas merchandise has been on sale for 50% off with the exception of the Christmas storage — you know, the special boxes for wreaths and ornaments and that sort of thing.

I come to work after being off and am told that Christmas merchandise has now dropped to 75% off. I’m helping to cover the register when a woman pushes a cartload of Christmas stuff up to me.

Customer: “I have a problem. When I check the prices on your self-scan machines, most of this stuff comes up 75% off, but the boxes are only 50% off.”

Me: “Well, let’s take a look at that. I was off yesterday, and I only just got here, so I’m not sure about the sale. As of two days ago, storage wasn’t on sale at all yet.”

I scan the merchandise and, sure enough, the storage is 50% off. I radio the other supervisor on duty to check on the status of the sale; she confirms that the storage is now 50% off. I relay this to the customer.

Customer: *Getting snotty* “Well, your signs all say, ‘All Christmas 75% off.'”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but our storage containers aren’t part of the regular sale.”

Customer: “Show me where it says that on the sign, then! I read the sign and there was nothing about storage being different! If you can show me where it says that on the sign, I’ll pay it, but I don’t think you can!”

I’m not sure if she’s expecting me to simply cave or to be too busy or lazy to actually go and get the sign. At any rate, she certainly looks surprised when I step out from behind my counter and walk over to where one of the signs is positioned by the remaining Christmas trees. I bring it back.

Me: *Pointing* “It says here in the large print, ‘All Christmas 75% off.’ But down here, in the smaller bold letters, it says, ‘Excludes Christmas storage.'”

Customer: *Stares for a moment* “Okay.”

Me: “Did you still want the storage items, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes.”

She paid for everything and left. My co-supervisor high-fived me as I went to put the sign back.

What’s It Like Being The Grinch’s Kid?

, , , , , , | Related | August 25, 2021

While I don’t make a lot of money working retail while also being a full-time college student, I try to donate money whenever I can. One year during Christmas time, I print up a wishlist from my local humane society full of supplies they need, as I work in a big box store and can use my employee discount to get things cheaper.

I buy around $250 worth of supplies requested with plans to drop it off at the shelter later in the week. I ask my dad for assistance as some of the dog food and kitty litter is heavy. The shelter is thankful and gives me a sheet to fill out so I can submit the purchases on my tax returns. We are driving home when my dad springs this on me.

Dad: “You should let me fill that out so I get the credit.”

Me: “Why would I do that? I’m the one that bought that stuff with my money.”

Dad: “The only reason you had that money to spend was that you live at home rent-free. So I should be reimbursed for that.”

Me: “I’m your child, not a tenant, so excuse me for living in the house that I grew up in. Even if I gave you rent money, would you have used it for charity?”

Dad: “No, I would use it for things I need or save for something.”

Me: “Exactly, you wouldn’t have used that money for charity and would’ve kept it for yourself. Ergo, I should get the tax credit because I’m the one with the initiative to try and do some good. I’m filling out the paperwork in my name.”

Dad: “We’ll see what your mother has to say when we get home.”

She agreed with me, stating that my dad never donates to charity and thus didn’t deserve it and was being a real grinch.

“Today’s My Birthday?” “Yes, Bob!”

, , , , , | Related | August 24, 2021

I love “Bob’s Burgers” a lot. It’s my favorite comfort show, and I’ve seen every episode multiple times. One day, my mom decides to quiz me.

Mom: “When did they get married?”

Me: “Easy, September third.”

Mom: “Okay, now when is my anniversary?”

Me: “I honestly don’t know. I think sometime around Memorial Day?”

Mom: “How is it you remember a fictional character’s anniversary but not your parents’?”

Me: “Same as how Linda remembers in the show. Nine is divisible by three. Get a date that’s easier to remember, and then maybe we’ll talk. Be glad I know when both your birthdays are.”

Dodging Bullets… And The Feds

, , , , , , | Legal | August 21, 2021

Like so many others, I was laid off because of the health crisis. I start filling out job applications. One application is for an office job writing bids at a security contractor in my old hometown. I’ve never heard of the company before, but they have a very distinctive name.

I don’t think anything of it, but lo and behold, I get a call back from a third-party Human Resources person on behalf of that company to vet me for the role. Everything goes okay, except the HR representative says that the job is at a company with a similar but obviously not the same name as the one I applied to. I pull up the company’s website — which, please note, is full of buzzwords like “honor,” “trust,” and, “integrity” — while I am talking to the HR representative, and it appears that both companies are subsidiaries of the same parent company. The parent company actually has roughly a half-dozen subsidiaries, all with similar names. We both figure that someone on their end made a mistake, and the HR representative says he’ll forward my resume to the company.

Fast forward a week. The company’s hiring manager calls me. The interview goes well… right up until I ask which company I’ll be working for.

Hiring Manager: “Oh, it’s all the same company. Those are just the different brands we operate as. See, most of our work is with the Federal Government, and according to the rules, if you’re awarded a government contract, once that contract expires, you can only re-bid on it once. In other words, if you win the contract twice in a row, you can’t bid on it again. So, when that happens, we re-bid for the contract under a different name. That way, we never actually lose the contract.”

The more he described the company and why it was structured the way it was, the more it became incredibly obvious that the whole thing had been deliberately and specifically set up in such a way as to enable them to cheat their way into government contracts. The office I’d be working in was actually a small satellite office with just the owner’s brother and maybe one other family member, not corporate HQ as indicated in the job listing; most of the workers were clear on the other side of the country. And the more he described the office and my actual responsibilities — I’d have basically been a glorified secretary for the owner’s brother — the less and less comfortable I became.

The interview FINALLY ended, and the hiring manager said he’d be in touch. Thankfully, I never heard back from them. First and only place I’ve ever interviewed where I’m glad they ghosted me. Forget the creepy work arrangement and their lying about what the actual job was; I have too much integrity — actual integrity, not just a buzzword on a website — to knowingly work for a bunch of admitted crooks. Plus, I don’t want to be within a mile of any of their offices when they finally get raided by the Feds. And let’s be real: if they’re dumb enough to out-and-out admit they’re fraudsters to a prospective employee, it’s only a matter of time before they get shut down and the execs get thrown in prison.

A Big Reaction To The Small Print

, , , , | Right | August 19, 2021

A certain high-profile ticket website is having a promotion where, if someone spends enough money at a certain chain restaurant, they can send in their receipt and get a free online ticket.

This promotion is being offered exclusively on the website; it’s a third-party website and the movie theater itself has absolutely nothing to do with the promotion. In fact, it’s even noted in the promotion rules that the tickets need to be applied for and redeemed on the ticket website itself and cannot be redeemed in-theater. But, of course, nobody reads the fine print, so we’re getting a deluge of customers bringing in restaurant receipts and then throwing temper tantrums that we cannot accept the restaurant receipts as a form of payment.

An old man and woman walk up to me at the box office and throw down a restaurant receipt and a print-out of the promotion rules.

Old Woman: “We had lunch at [Restaurant], so we want our free ticket!”

Me: “All righty. Did you apply for the ticket on [Ticketing Website]?”

The old woman looks confused.

Old Woman: “[Ticketing Website]? No, you don’t seem to understand me. I had lunch at [Restaurant], so that means I get a free ticket!”

Me: “I think I understand the confusion.”

I point to the print-out of the promotion rules.

Me: “The promotion only applies to online tickets on [Ticketing Website]. It’s a third-party service, so we have no way of redeeming the free ticket here. You need to send in your receipt to the site, and then they’ll get you the free ticket online in three to five days. It can’t be redeemed in-theater. It says it all right here in the rules.”

The woman immediately starts SHRIEKING.

Old Woman: “THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE! IT SAYS RIGHT HERE THAT IF I SPEND $25 AT [RESTAURANT], I GET A FREE TICKET! I DON’T EVEN USE [TICKETING WEBSITE], AND I ABSOLUTELY WON’T! GIVE ME MY FREE TICKET!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s a promotion through [Ticketing Website], not [Theater]. It’s right there in the rules that you printed out. I have absolutely no way of redeeming your free ticket here because it’s not a promotion we’re running.”

Old Woman: “THIS IS ABSOLUTE HORSES***! I SPENT GOOD MONEY ON MY LUNCH AND I’M GETTING MY FREE TICKET! IT DOESN’T SAY ANYWHERE THAT I NEED TO DO IT ONLINE!”

I point to the rule on her print-out.

Me: *Reading the rule out loud* “Right here, it specifically says, ‘Only valid for purchase of movie tickets on [Ticketing Website] or via [Ticketing Website] app and cannot be redeemed directly at any theater box office.’”

Old Woman: “IT… IT… IT DIDN’T SAY THAT BEFORE! THE PERSON AT [RESTAURANT] SAID I’D GET A FREE TICKET! GIVE ME MY FREE G**D*** TICKET!”

She continued to go on a tirade until I was forced to get my manager. My manager had had enough of people not reading the rules and screaming at us, so he flat-out refused to give the woman a free ticket and told her to leave after she stands there ranting and raving for several more moments. I really wish people actually paid attention and read the fine print. It’s not right that we’ve been getting screamed at multiple times a day for a promotion that’s not even being run by us.