Get A Discount As It Has A Crack

, , , , , | Right | September 19, 2019

(I am a cashier. A lady comes through my line with a trash can in the top of her cart and a bag of dog food on the bottom. I come around with my scanning gun.)

Customer: “I have dog food on the bottom.” 

Me: “That’s what I am scanning now.” 

Customer: “Oh, I thought you were just going to scan my can.” 

Me: “Let’s just rephrase that.”

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Thievery Abhors A Vacuum

, , , , | Legal | September 16, 2019

(A man approaches the customer service desk saying he received a vacuum as a housewarming gift, but it stopped working after a few days. Keep in mind that he started this conversation stating it was a gift.)

Me: “Okay. If you’d like to exchange or—”

Customer: “No, I paid cash. Just give me my money back.”

(Red flags start flying, so I punch in the code to call a manager.)

Me: “I’d need the receipt to see that you purchased this with cash. When did you buy it?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “That’s okay. The box has a serial number. I can look it up for you.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous.”

(I go to the computer and input the serial number and UPC. This vacuum was just unloaded from our truck yesterday and hasn’t gone through any sales register. I go back to my register and punch in the code for a manager for a second time.)

Me: “One moment, sir. I’ve found what I need; I just need to get a manager.”

(I take the vacuum off the countertop and put it beside me, behind the register.)

Customer: “For what? Give me my money.”

(The manager arrives.)

Manager: “What’s going on?”

Me: “He wants cash back, but doesn’t have the receipt. I pulled up the product information on the computer.”

Manager: *looks at the computer, at me, and at the man* “I can give you a store card.”

Customer: “I need cash.”

Manager: “That I cannot do. But like I said, I can give you a store card for the value.”

Customer: “I don’t want a f****** store card. I paid cash. Why is that so hard to understand? Are you all retarded?!”

Manager: “All I can give you is a store card.”

Customer: “Fine, give it to me.”

Manager: “Okay! I also need your ID.”

Customer: “What? Why?”

Manager: “The system requires an ID for non-receipt returns.”

Customer: “I’m not giving you s***.”

Manager: “Then I cannot do anything for you. Please leave.”

Customer: “For what?”

Manager: “For causing a disturbance with your foul language and harassing my associate… and attempt to defraud a company.”

Customer: “F*** you.”

Manager: *smiles* “I’ll just contact the police, then.”

(The man ran from the store. We contacted the police anyway and got some images from security. He was caught trying to do the same thing at a drugstore a few days later.)

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Unfiltered Story #163268

, , | Unfiltered | September 16, 2019

(I am a registrar in an Emergency Room, which includes checking patients in and verifying their insurance. It is nearly midnight when I receive a call on the incoming ambulance phone.)

Me: Registration, this is [My Name].

Patient: Hi, [My Name]! My name is [Name] and I’ve had this weird growth on my tongue for months; I think it’s cancer or something… Anyway, I just cut it off with a razor blade and wanted to see if you accept [Insurance]?

Me: Uh, yes sir we certainly accept that insurance.

Patient: Oh great, great! Thank you, I will be in shortly! *hangs up*

Me: What just happened…?

(He shows up about twenty minutes later and checks in for chest pain and numbness, not even mentioning his tongue. While I am charting in the back, he even comes out at one point and asks me to remove his IV. Then he checked out AMA!)

Learn To Bottle It To Get Those Tips

, , , , , | Working | September 10, 2019

(I’m at a baseball game with some friends, and on this occasion, I’m the designated driver. Before the first inning starts, I go to a concession stand to get a hot dog and a bottle of soda. Despite a man and his two kids making requests of the other vendor, the hot dog comes with no trouble. The soda, however…)

Me: “Excuse me, I asked for a bottle, not a fountain drink.”

Vendor #1: “The bottles aren’t cold.”

Me: “That’s fine. I’ll still take it.”

Vendor #1: “They’re not cold!”

Me: “And that’s fine. It’s liquid, it tastes better than the swill from the fountain, it’ll help break down any fat in this hot dog, and it’s non-alcoholic so I can drive myself and my friends home. Now, may I have a bottle of [Soda]?”

Vendor #1: “THEY’RE! NOT! COLD!”

Vendor #2: “[Vendor #1], that doesn’t bother him.” *hands me a bottle* “Sorry about that.”

Vendor #1: “That’ll be [total].”

(I pay, get my change, fish a dollar out of it, and go to tip like I always do.)

Me: “Oh, wait. You wouldn’t get my order. That was her. And she was busy with her own customers.”

(As soon as I finish, I put the single away, pull out a twenty, and hand it to [Vendor #2], instead.)

Vendor #2: “Thank you, sir! And God bless you!”

(I told my friends what happened before the game started. I went back to the stand three more times, but I still got [Vendor #2] two of those times, so she walked away with $40 in tips just from me while [Vendor #1] never saw a dime. My friends, however, decided to get all of their beer from that stand. While I don’t know what they tipped, I do know they followed my pattern. Based on how many times they went to get drinks, I can only imagine what she raked in from us. I also hope [Vendor #1] learned his lesson.)

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Don’t Have A Cow, Man

, , , , | Right | September 9, 2019

(Part of being a cashier at my store is answering the phones. I think it’s rude to pick up the phone while I’m ringing up a customer, but I try to multitask to the best of my ability and apologize when the phone rings. On this occasion, the phone rings, so I turn to the customer in front of me.)

Me: “I’m sorry; we’re supposed to answer the phone right away. I’ll try to keep this brief.”

Customer: “It’s fine.”

Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Hi. How much is a cow?”

Me: “How much is… what?”

Caller: “A cow. Don’t you sell cows?”

Me: “Like… you milk them, they live in a pasture? Cows?”

(I’m still not sure I’ve heard her right.)

Customer: “Did you say, ‘cows.’?”

(I nod “yes” and shrug.)

Caller: “Yeah!”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. We don’t.”

Caller: “Why not?”

Me: “Because they’re livestock, not small pets.”

Caller: “But they’re animals. You sell animals.”

Me: “Yes. We sell small pets like mice and birds and reptiles.”

Caller: “But cows are animals.”

Me: “Yes, they are.”

Caller: “You’re not being helpful.”

Me: “You could try [Farm Supply Company], or an auction, or maybe the classifieds.”

Caller: “I’m not doing that. You’re a c***.” *hangs up*

Me: *to the customer in front of me* “So. Sorry about that.”

Customer: “That was the single funniest conversation I’ve ever heard. Please don’t be sorry.”

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