We’re Meeting At Gettysburg – You Got The Address?

, , , , , , | Learning | February 16, 2019

(We’re learning about the Civil War.)

Student: “So, how did the two sides always end up at the same place? Did they, like, call each other on the phone and say, ‘Hey, you want to fight at Gettysburg tomorrow?'”

(Pretty sure that second part was facetious. It was a valid question!)

Earl-y Language

, , , , | Right | February 14, 2019

I was working for a small weekly advertising newspaper in a semi-rural area. I was mostly the computer person, but one of my duties was taking classified ads over the phone when it was busy.

A caller wanted to place an ad to sell some “Earl drums.” Since I was still cleaning up after my predecessor, whose spelling had been — how shall we say it — creative… and I know some percussion instrument manufacturers can have complicated spellings — e.g., Zildjian — I asked him to spell the name.

In disbelief, he replied, “You know: Oh. Ah. Ell. Earl!”

He was selling oil drums.

Getting Hot Under The Neighborly Collar

, , , , , , | Right | February 13, 2019

While not a popular item, we sell electric dog collars. I recently received a call from a customer asking how she should go about putting one on a dog…

Her neighbor’s dog.

Physically Unable To Calculate

, , , , , , | Friendly | February 12, 2019

(I have a massive migraine, but unfortunately, I have a calculus assignment and a physics assignment… which requires even more calculus.)

Me: “The human brain is not made to do calculus with a migraine!”

Roommate: “You could have stopped with, ‘calculus.’”

God Gave Rock And Roll To You

, , , , , , , | Friendly Hopeless | February 11, 2019

(My best friend and I are sitting in a coffee shop minding our own business when we see a middle-aged lady dressed like she just got out of church looking at us. I notice her looking at my attire, which consists mostly of black and a t-shirt for a metal band. She gets up to walk over to us.)

Lady: “Here. The Lord wanted me to give you this. He says you might find it useful.”

(She sets an envelope on the table in front of me and then shuffles out the door before I can say anything. Thinking it’s probably just a religious pamphlet, we peek inside and are surprised to see two tickets to see a death metal band playing locally that we wanted to go see but couldn’t afford.)

Friend: “What kind of lord was she praying to?”

Me: “Clearly the awesome kind!”

(We later found out one of our friends knew of her through church. Apparently, her son was a promoter for the venue and he would always send his mother free tickets. Whenever she got tickets for something she wasn’t interested in, she would find strangers she thought might enjoy them more and give them away free. We thank you, strange church lady, for the tickets! My friend and I had a great time!)

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