When It Comes To The Flavors They’re Green

, , , | Right | December 29, 2017

(Our sugar-free flavors of ice cream change often. This week, the soft serve is pistachio. I’m training, so I let the newbie take the order while I answer questions.)

Customer: “What are your sugar-free flavors?”

Newbie: “Soft-serve pistachio and hand-dipped strawberry.”

Customer: “Is there any chocolate in the pistachio?”

Newbie: *looks at me, since she hasn’t had orders for it yet*

Me: “No, it’s pistachio.”

Customer: “What color is the pistachio?”

Me: “It’s green.”

Customer: “So, is it, like, minty?”

Me: “It’s pistachio.”

Customer: “So, there’s no mint?”

Me: “It’s pistachio. Like the nut.”

Maybe They Have 10/20 Vision

, , , , , | Working | December 29, 2017

(My fiancé and I are in a national chain that sells craft and sewing supplies. We get our items and go to the cash register. The total is under $10. I hand the cashier a $20. I watch as she puts the $20 into the cash drawer, pulls out a ten, and puts it on top of the drawer, then counts out the rest of my change. She hands me the change, all but the $10.)

Cashier: “Here’s your change.”

Me: “No, I paid you a twenty. That ten is part of my change.”

Cashier: “No, you gave me a ten. I put it there.”

Me: “No, I just came from the ATM; it only gives twenties. I gave you a twenty. That ten is part of my change.”

Cashier: “No, it isn’t.”

(At this point I look at my fiancé, look at the cashier, and take a deep breath.)

Me: “Okay, then, call the manager. I need the right change.”

Cashier: *with some attitude* “Fine.”

(Ten minutes later, the cashier and the manager came out from the back room, and the cashier handed me my change. Out of a twenty. I don’t think the manager remembered this, but a few years later, my wife ended up working at that same shop! And, being very poor college students, neither of us felt too bad about making the cashier count her drawer. We needed that $10!)

Taking Regular Checkups To The Next Level

, , , | Healthy | December 29, 2017

(We’ve had a horrific week. My toddler came down with chicken pox, then an ear infection. My husband had an accident, causing first, second, and third degree burns all over one hand. I am also seven-months pregnant, and joke that the only thing that HASN’T gone wrong is my going into premature labor.)

Monday Morning: Trip to doctor’s office to confirm chicken pox.

Monday Afternoon: Trip to doctor’s office. We went there instead of the ER for the burn.

Tuesday Morning: Recheck on nasty burn.

Tuesday Afternoon: ‘Well Baby’ check for me.

Thursday Morning: Toddler earache visit.

(We walk into the examination room. A few minutes later, our doctor walks in.)

Doctor: “It’s the [Our Last Name]s! My favorite family!”

Buy None Get One Free

, , , , , | Working | December 26, 2017

(It’s the final week leading up to Christmas, and I am suffering from a terrible case of what I call “Christmas brain.” I have a lot going on both at work and in my personal life, and I’m not getting enough sleep on top of chronic illness. So I’m starting to jumble things in my head a little. Fortunately, the other workers in my small store sympathize and we all have some fun with it. We are running a sale in which 100 different products are being offered at 25% off.)

Me: *to customer* “And as you shop, keep in mind that we have select items on sale for 100% off! Wait…”

(Everyone within earshot starts laughing, including me.)

Customer: “What a great deal!”

Manager: “[My Name], you’re fired.”

Me: “Okay, so really, there are a hundred things for 25% off. If you have any questions, please ask one of my coworkers. I have to go clean out my locker because I’ve just been fired.”

(I put my head on my manager’s shoulder and he gives me a friendly pat. I love my job.)

Fits Most Brains But Not Theirs

, , , | Right | December 25, 2017

(It is the holidays and I am working layaway. The mad rush has just died down. Our layaway department is adjacent to the clothing section. A woman approaches the layaway counter.)

Customer: “Excuse me? Can you help me with something?”

Me: “Sure. What is it?”

Customer: “Can you tell me what size these gloves are?”

(She places the gloves on the counter. I pick them up and inspect the tag, noticing it says “OSFM.”)

Me: “It says ‘One size fits most.'”

Customer: “So would they fit someone who is a medium?”

Me: *staring blankly* “Uh, well, it is one size fits most.”

Customer: “So would they fit a medium?”

(At this point I am internally yelling at this woman. How the h*** do you not realize that one size fits most would most likely fit someone who wears a medium size?)

Me: “One size fits most.”

Customer: “Right. So would they fit a medium?”

(This continues for a few minutes, and she is clearly not understanding.)

Me: “Yes, one size fits most would fit a medium.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(As she walked away, I banged my head against the register a few times.)

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