A Holding Pattern Emerging Here

, , , , , | Working | March 13, 2018

(I am heading to work and haven’t eaten anything, so I decide to grab a burger to eat when I get to my job. I sit behind a car for several minutes; it is a bit longer than normal, but I’m not in a big hurry, and as a retail worker I try to be patient. I finally pull up to the drive-thru slot.)

Worker: “Hi, can I take your order?”

Me: “Yes, I’d like a number one meal with no pickles.”

Worker: *silence*

Me: “Hello?”

Worker: “I’m sorry; could you please hold?”

Me: “Okay.”

(I wait a couple of minutes.)

Worker: “Okay, what would you like?”

Me: “I’d like the number one meal, no pickles, please.”

Worker: *silence for a minute* “I’m sorry; could you please hold?”

(I am starting to get frustrated at this point, but I don’t say anything. I just wait.)

Worker: “So, you’d like the number one with no pickles.”

Me: “Yes.”

Worker: “Would you like a large drink?”

Me: “No, I’m fine with the size that just comes with the meal.”

Worker: “Okay, you got the number one burger, no pickles. That will be [total].”

(I realize she has not put my order through as a meal; even though I said, “meal,” three times, she had just put it in as a burger.)

Me: “No, I want the meal, not just the burger.”

Worker: *silence for a minute* “Please hold for a minute.”

Me: *bangs head against the steering wheel*

(She finally comes back and gets my order right, or so I think. I pull to the first window and pay; getting my money is, of course, the one thing they get right. I get to the second window, where the worker who took my order hands me the sack of food.)

Worker: “Okay, one number one meal, no lettuce.”

Me: “What? I said no pickles!”

Worker: “Oh… Please hold on for a minute.”

Me: *bangs head against steering wheel again*

(A different worker comes back with my food.)

Other Worker: “Here you go; there’s a survey on your receipt.”

Me: “Thanks, I’ll definitely be taking it.”

(The food was stone cold, but at least it was right. This was the first time I ever felt compelled to write a survey about my experience. I don’t know if she was new or what, but I was at that drive-thru for almost fifteen minutes, when the average is supposed to be less than four. I will not be going to that one again.)

Gotta Be On Someone’s Bucket List

, , , , , | Friendly | March 13, 2018

(This happens when I’m being babysat by a neighbor. My parents have been reupholstering our kitchen chairs, so the seats of all of them are detached and sitting loose on the chairs. I curiously lift up one of the seats.)

Babysitter: *watching me* “Wow, that lifts up? That’s cool. It’s like a toilet! In fact, you could probably use it as a toilet. Just lift that up and put a bucket under there, and you could go to the bathroom while you’re eating supper!”

A Three-Rubel Bill

, , , , | Right | March 13, 2018

(My coworker and I are working a Saturday morning shift and are the only two people on duty. During a slow time, a customer we both recognize and dread walks in. He has been in here before and is known for bizarre and rude behavior. He also frequently rides the local bus system and harasses other passengers. Needless to say, we are not happy to see him. As he barks out an order for coffee, he makes small talk that gets more wild as it goes on. Note: my coworker is still in high school, and is taking AP Spanish.)

Coworker: “That’ll be two dollars for the coffee.”

Customer: “You take two-dollar bills?”

Coworker: “Yep, we do.”

Customer: *taking two one-dollar bills from his wallet* “You take three-dollar bills?”

Coworker: “I don’t think so, no.”

Me: “I don’t think there is such a thing as a three-dollar bill.”

Customer: “Well, there is. I used to work for the Philadelphia Mint. I know all about all kinds of money.”

Coworker: “Really? That’s interesting.”

Customer: “Yeah. I worked for the CIA, too. And at the Hague. And in Russia. I can speak all kinds of languages.”

Coworker: “You don’t say.”

Customer: “I speak Russian.” *fires off a rapid sequence of words that sounds vaguely Slavic* “You speak Russian?”

Coworker: “I don’t, no.”

Customer: *narrows eyes and speaks fiercely* “That’s because your parents didn’t paddle you when you were a child!”

(He takes his coffee and leaves abruptly, while my coworker and I are left amazed.)

Me: “Uh. Did you get paddled as a child?”

Coworker: “Nope, not really. I got punished in other ways.”

Me: “Well, that must be why you speak Spanish.”

(We still laugh about this weird guy and his startling method of learning Russian!)

Psychic Like The Night King

, , , , , , | Related | March 12, 2018

(The local schools are being dismissed early due to bad weather. As soon as they let out, I call my sister to make sure she’s actually taking the bus home, since she usually walks, no matter what the weather is like outside.)

Sister: “How did you know that we were getting out early?”

(I look outside the window. If the blizzard raging outside were any worse, there’d be White Walkers hanging out in the driveway.)

Me: “I’m psychic.”

I’m Thirsty-Nine Going On Foursty

, , , , | Working | March 6, 2018

(I am attending a very busy event at a brewery. I’m in line at the bar, behind about 25 people approximately the age of my kids. The script is exactly the same for each.)

Bartender: “ID, please.”

Customer: *hands ID over*

Bartender: “What can I get you?”

(The customer orders, gets drinks, pays, and leaves. Finally, it’s my turn.)

Me: “Hi. Can I have—”

Bartender: “I need to see your I…” *she finally looks AT me* “OH! Sorry, I don’t need… I mean, you’re old enough… I’m sorry. You’re not old-old… you’re just…”

Me: “Thirsty. I’m thirsty. Two porters, please.”

Bartender: “Sure, sorry. Just a second.”

(Another bartender brought my drinks when they were ready. I’m really not sure why she was so upset that she said I looked over 21. I mean, the full head of grey hair usually implies age.)

Page 41/82First...3940414243...Last