Gave Yourself The Trick

, , , , | | Right | October 31, 2018

(I work at a local mall in the information booth. Two nights ago we held trick or treat for the kids. They could go around to the different stores and get candy. Tonight, a lady and her two kids come up, and the kids are in costume. The lady shows me her phone and gives me a dirty look before I even approach her.)

Lady: “What is up with this? It says on the community website that trick or treating is tonight, but no stores are passing out candy!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but our trick or treating was on Thursday night.”

Lady: “Then why does it say on the website that it’s tonight?!”

Me: “I’m not exactly sure, but we had signs all around the mall advertising for our trick or treating.”

Lady: “I just don’t get why you would advertise for one day, but have it posted online for a different day! That’s false advertising!!”

Me: *scrolls up to the top of the page on her phone and sees that it’s advertising for October, 2015* “Ma’am, this is last year’s hours. It says at the top that it’s for 2015.”

(Her attitude suddenly changes upon realizing this.)

Lady: “Oh… I didn’t see that. Hmm… sorry, kids. And sorry about that confusion.”

Me: “That’s quite all right. Mistakes happen.”

(As she starts to walk away, she makes this last remark to me. Rather rudely, I might add.)

Lady: “I even told my friends with kids who are out of town that it was tonight! Guess they came here for nothing.”

(I felt bad for the kids: one, for being in costume and getting no candy, and two for having her as a mom.)

Better Than Going To Po… Tula… End

, , , , | Right | October 30, 2018

(Overheard from a customer nearby:)

Customer: “Three for a flight to Oyygiinnee.”

(The last two syllables are the same as the word “agony.”)

Agent: “I’m sorry, where?”

Customer: “OYY… GIIN… NEE.”

Agent: “I’m sorry, could you spell or write that out?”

Customer: *writes*

Agent: “Okay, so, Eugene, Oregon?”

Coated In Snow

, , , , , | Learning | October 29, 2018

(My friend is Chinese-American. She was born in America, but as soon as she is old enough to fly, her family moves to Harbin, in China. She is 11 when they return to America. The family often travels to Siberia. It is December, but it’s not snowing. For some reason, the few other ethnic Asians here are way more bundled up than the other kids. My friend is among the least bundled out of everyone, but she is the tiniest student, by a lot. This interaction with a substitute, who has to lead the class to the yard, takes the cake.)

Substitute Teacher: “We’re not going until everyone has their coats on.”

(He repeats it, and then walks in front of my friend and repeats again, staring at her.)

Friend: “I’m ready.”

Substitute Teacher: “That’s a jacket, not a coat.”

Friend: “I don’t need one.”

Substitute Teacher: *looks at everyone else with a coat, except a tall, plump, white boy who is also in a jacket* “Hey, no coat?”

Classmate #1: “I’m Norwegian.”

Substitute Teacher: “Are you sure?”

Classmate #1: “Yeah.”

Substitute Teacher: *looks back to friend* “So, how about you? You’re not Norwegian.”

Friend: “No, but I’m from cold places, too.”

Substitute Teacher: “Even in Beijing, people wear more than that. I’ve been there.”

Friend: “I’m from Harbin; it’s colder! And I vacation in Siberia! Much colder!”

Substitute Teacher: “Chinese people don’t like cold; they never do. You need a coat. Look at you; you’re so thin and tiny.”

Friend: “I’m fine.”

Classmates: “She’s fine; can we go?”

Classmate #1: “She’s just like me; it’s fine.”

Substitute Teacher: “You are. She’s not! Now, get that coat!”

Friend: “My coat is at grandpa’s home, in China! I don’t need it here.”

Substitute Teacher: “Don’t make excuses. Show me your bag and locker.”

(The sub takes a look at everything. No coat.)

Substitute Teacher: “Well, this is ridiculous. Did you hide it?”

Classmates: “She does not need a coat; we told you!”

Substitute Teacher: “We’re all going to the principal, then.”

Classmate: “One of us is already going there.”

Substitute Teacher: “What?” *counts*

Classmate #2: “When you were looking at her stuff.”

Substitute Teacher: “Hey, you don’t leave the line unless I say so!”

Classmate #3: “Then stop asking about coats! She doesn’t need one.”

Friend: “I really don’t!”

Substitute Teacher: “Back inside the classroom, then! Everyone!”

(Half of them are back, still with coats on, when the principal and a classmate arrive.)

Principal: “What’s the matter here?”

Substitute Teacher: “We were going outside to the yard, and [Friend] refused to wear a coat!”

Principal: “Why not?”

Substitute Teacher: “She said she doesn’t need one.”

Principal: “Why do you think she does?”

Substitute Teacher: “Look at her!”

Principal: “So, she’s just small. Do you know where she’s from?”

Substitute Teacher: “China.”

Principal: “Yes, and the coldest province. It snows all winter. There isn’t even a speck of snow right now.”

Substitute Teacher: “It’s still ridiculous! And she claims to vacation in Siberia, too.”

Principal: “Does she? Well, that explains it more. She doesn’t need a coat. Get on with class.”

Substitute Teacher: “Are you sure? Shouldn’t we bring the parents in?”

Principal: “They pick her up; you can see them then.”

(My friend says they didn’t meet after all, but that sub kept on asking every time she subbed, even in spring.)

Unfiltered Story #124590

, , , | Unfiltered | October 29, 2018

(I am the customer in this story.)

Employee: This is a new fragrance for the holiday season.
(The employee hands me an open bottle of lotion. Rather than trying some on my hands, I hold the bottle under my nose and gently squeeze it. Some lotion squirts onto my lip.)

Employee: Are you OK?!
Me: I’m fine. It smells nicer than it tastes.

When Six Doors Close, Another One Opens

, , , , , | Related | October 26, 2018

My parents’ front door was damaged, and now lets out a loud screech when you open it, and has to be slammed shut to close it. Dad is retired, and my mom asks him to fix it. He keeps procrastinating, and this makes my mom upset. The door is on the opposite side of their bed and he wakes her up when he comes and goes after she’s gone to bed. She tries to fix it herself or to hire someone, but this results in fights as Dad thinks it should only be his responsibility. He tells her to just wear earplugs and deal with the noise in the meantime.

It’s been broken and a point of contention for over a year when the water main at my house needs to be repaired. My parents let my family stay with them for a week while it’s repaired.

The first night we are there, I have to do a midnight store run for a forgotten toiletry. I come back in, slamming the door, and hear my dad grumbling about it, waking him up.  

The next morning, I leave for work at five am. My husband gets the kids up and breakfasted, then leaves to take the youngest two to school at seven. A half hour later, my sister comes by to pick up my oldest child for school. Then, my husband comes back to finish getting ready for work. After he leaves again, my mom leaves for work. With each one, a slam of the door.

I return home from work that night to find my dad grumbling and repairing the door. Apparently, he didn’t get a wink of sleep that night, and couldn’t imagine dealing with a whole week of it!

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