You Were “Right” All Along

, , , , , | Healthy | September 25, 2019

(Due to a rather small face, my sinuses do not drain well. Because of this, I’ve had ear infections plague me since childhood; I’m very familiar with how it feels when I have one. I almost always get an infection in one ear when I get a cold. Lo and behold, I end up with a cold right before New Year’s. New Year’s Day, I wake up with the usual pain, congested ear, and muffled hearing and know right away it’s an ear infection. Since it’s the holiday, I head to an urgent care office that I’ve been to before. Once I’m in with the doctor, the following conversation takes place. Note: I’m 26.)

Doctor: “So, I hear you’re not feeling well today. What’s going on?”

Me: “I have an ear infection in my right ear.”

(Hindsight: I could’ve been more forthcoming initially with symptoms, and I do so when she looks at me like I’ve sprouted a second head.)

Me: “I’ve got pain in my right ear, muffled hearing, and a sense of clogging. I usually get them when I have a cold, which I have.”

Doctor: *still unsure* “Well, let’s go ahead and check your ears. Sometimes, you can get fluid behind the eardrums that causes that congested kind of feeling, since adults don’t get ear infections.”

(I blink, but nod, knowing it’s an ear infection. I let her check my left ear, which she gives the all-clear on. As she looks into my right ear, however, she gasps loudly and puts a hand on my shoulder in surprise.)

Doctor: “Oh, my, you have an ear infection! But adults don’t get ear infections. I don’t know… How did this happen?”

Me: “I have small sinus cavities and terrible drainage. It does happen.”

(She had to look in both of my ears again before she would even consider giving me a prescription to help clear it up. I never saw her there again, but I haven’t been back in a long time. It always scares me when people — let alone doctors — think they know our bodies better than we do, but to think adults suddenly don’t get ear infections? I wish!)

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Your Local Coke Dealer Is Out

, , , , , | Working | September 23, 2019

(I pull into the drive-thru of a fast food outlet to get a drink. I am only ordering a drink.)

Worker: “Hi! Welcome to [Fast Food Place]. Would you like to try our new burger meal?”

Me: “No, thanks. I’d just like a medium Coke.”

Worker: “Sorry, we’re out of Coke. We have Diet Coke and Coke Zero.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll have a Sprite.”

Worker: “We’re out of all Coke products. We have Diet Coke and Coke Zero.”

Me: “Do you have unsweetened iced tea?”

(I know they brew tea in the store and it doesn’t use the soft drink dispensers.)

Worker: “No, just Diet Coke and Coke Zero.”

Me: “Okay, never mind, then. Thanks, anyway.”

Worker: “Oh, my God! Are you seriously not going to order just because we don’t have the drink you want?”

Me: “Well, since I only came for a drink and you don’t have any without sugar substitutes, yes.”

Worker: “Fine!”

(As I am pulling out, I watch the manager stare strangely at the car in the other lane that is pulling away without placing an order. I roll down the window and suggest he put up a sign that says they are out of everything except diet drinks.)

Manager: “Why? We have Diet Coke and Coke Zero. We don’t need a sign.”

(As I was pulling out onto the road, the next two cars in line followed me without placing an order.)

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Another Alpha Male Deciding Where We Can And Can’t Pee

, , , | Right | September 23, 2019

(There are only two customer bathrooms and the men’s bathroom is closed for cleaning after a particularly nasty customer made the room a biohazard as revenge for us not taking his expired coupon. I witness a man running into the women’s bathroom but don’t say anything because he’s carrying a small child who is clearly about to have a potty emergency. There are women already in there, but none of them come up to complain about him being in there, so I figure they’re okay with the circumstances being what they are. A few moments later, another man approaches me.)

Man: “Excuse me, but did you know that there’s a man in the women’s restroom?”

Me: “Yes, actually, I was aware. The men’s room is closed because it’s being cleaned and he had a child with him that looked like he was about to have an emergency, so we just let him use it.”

Man: “Really? You’re okay with him being in there? My wife is in there! What if he rapes her?”

Me: *a little bit stunned* “Sir, I don’t think he’s going to touch your wife. I think he was more worried about keeping his son from wetting himself.”

Man: “I can’t believe you people! I’m going to call the cops!”

(Just then, a woman who’s left the bathroom and overheard the last bit of our conversation approaches him and smacks him upside the head. I’m guessing she’s his wife.)

Wife: “You’ll do no such thing! He was a complete gentleman and his son really had to go! None of us had any problem with him being in there! At least he takes his children to the bathroom when they have to go and doesn’t make excuses about how that’s the woman’s job like you always do!”

(She then dragged him from the store while berating him the entire time. The man and his son were in and out fairly quickly and I received no further complaints about them having been in there.)

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You Can’t Insure Against Evil

, , , , , | Healthy | September 22, 2019

(A young woman pulls up to the drive-thru pharmacy to pick up Ritalin for her son, who is sitting in the backseat. The medication isn’t ready so I check the system and see that the insurance isn’t covering it. A reason is usually provided, but not in this case.)

Evil Mom: “That makes no sense. We always get it filled here and there’s never a problem. The insurance covers everything.” *classic line with pharmacy customers who think insurance is magic and has no limitations*

Me: “I understand. But I just tried to run it through the insurance and they rejected it without giving a reason why. Would you be able to call them?”

Evil Mom: “Okay, I’ll call right now.” *looks at her insurance cards angrily* “So, what’s the number?”

Me: *confused why she thinks I know the number off the top of my head* “There should be a customer service number on the back of the card.”

Evil Mom: *still angry* “Member services?”

Me: “Yes.”

(She calls and remains sitting in the single-lane driveway, blocking a line of cars with no regard for the other people who came for their medications.)

Me: “Could you pull around the store to make the call?”

Evil Mom: “I’m not leaving this spot until I get my son’s meds.”

(The pharmacist comes over.)

Pharmacist: *friendly* “I’m sorry, but would you be able to—”

Evil Mom: *without looking at us* “I’m not leaving.” *rolls the window up in our faces*

(The pharmacist curses under her breath and leaves to help other customers. The mom reaches someone from the insurance company and puts the window back down. For fifteen minutes, I listen to her scream at the representative. The whole store can hear her through the drive-thru dropping profuse F-bombs and bullying the rep. Her son is fidgeting in the back seat, but sadly, he doesn’t look surprised by this behavior.)

Evil Mom: “Why isn’t my son’s medication covered? You are supposed to cover it and he needs this! What is your name? Okay. And what is your last name? ‘L’ is your last name? Wow. That’s a weird last name. Then give me your employee number. What do you mean, you don’t have numbers? So, how does your company have you on file? Give me your information. You know what? Nevermind. I want to speak to a manager. Now.”

(A car behind her honks.)

Other Customer: *shouting forward* “What’s going on? It’s been almost half an hour! Just go inside!”

Evil Mom: *shouting back* “SHUT THE F*** UP!”

(Eventually, the cars behind her begin leaving the line. None of them come inside the store. Mom, still on the phone, throws a discount prescription card and her welfare card at me and looks expectant. I return a blank look.)

Evil Mom: *pleasant voice* “I’m waiting for you.”

Me: *confused as to what she expects me to do, since the insurance issue has not been resolved* “Did they put the claim through? If so, I can try to re-run it.”

Evil Mom: *arrogantly* “Just run the cards and give me the medication. I’m going to pay the same amount as I did last time. Use the cards I just gave you and give me his pills.”

Me: “It still has to go through the insurance first.”

(The mom continues screaming obscenities simultaneously at the phone and now at me. The pharmacist comes over again and takes charge of the situation.)

Pharmacist: “You need to stop talking like that to our staff. You’re cursing and insulting us. We don’t need that. In the future, I think you need to use a different pharmacy.”

Evil Mom: *in a weirdly amused way* “Who are you even? I didn’t ask you anything.”

(The pharmacist and I are fed up. I look back and see that the store manager has been listening to everything in the background. The pharmacist tries to run the medication through the insurance again but the rejection is still coming up.)

Pharmacist: “The insurance is still not going through. We’ve done what we can. The cash price is $130 and we can fill it for you.”

(The mom sped away in a flash without another word. We were surprised she didn’t curse us out one more time. We anticipate that she has already called corporate to tell them we are horrible people preventing her from getting her son’s medication. The store manager who overheard said she will vouch for us. If that evil mom knew how to be patient and work with people, there is a chance she could have gotten her son’s medication filled. I feel really bad for that kid.)

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Toy Story That Ends With An F-Bomb

, , , , | Right | September 20, 2019

(This is a phone call that my manager frequently uses as a training example.)

Manager: “Hi, thank you for calling [Pet Store]. My name is [Manager]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you sell those super durable dog toys?”

Manager: “Yes, we do! All [Brand] dog toys are on sale for 20% off through the end of the month.”

Customer: “I bought one from [Online Competitor] but my dog destroyed it.”

Manager: “I’m sorry to hear that. If you’re coming in today, I can put one aside for you.”

Customer: “I don’t know when I’ll be in. I just want to trade it for another one.”

Manager: *pause* “I’m sorry, sir, but we can’t accept items that were purchased at a competitor.”

Customer: “But it’s the same toy. Literally the same thing. I don’t understand.”

Manager: “But you didn’t buy it here.”

Customer: “So?”

Manager: “So… we can’t return or exchange it because it wasn’t purchased at any of our locations.”

Customer: “That’s bulls***.”

Manager: “I’m sorry you feel that way. Will there be anything else today?”

Customer: “Yeah, f*** you!”

Manager: “Nope, you can’t do that, either. Have a great day!”

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