What Kind Of Pickup Were They Expecting?

, , , | Right | July 26, 2020

I’m telling tales on myself this time. My best friend and I have been helping my mother with some projects and we decide to order a pizza to share. I have the local eatery on my phone as [Community] Pizza, so I open my contacts. My mother is telling me what to order as I touch the number to start dialing, which causes me to not hear the first few words as the call is answered.

Woman: “…my name is [Woman]; how can I help you?”

I am puzzled, because they don’t usually identify themselves when you call for a pizza, but I think maybe it’s a new policy.

Me: “Hi, I’d like to place an order for pickup, please.”

The woman sounds a little confused.

Woman: “Sure, how can I help?”

Me: “I need a large pizza with hamburger.”

Woman: “You… Oh! Oh, I think you want [Community] Pub.”

Me: “Oh, no… Who did I call?”

Woman: “[Community] Animal Hospital.”

It’s been a very long day and I’m a little frayed, so this is kind of the ridiculous icing on the stressful cake. I just barely manage to hold in my laughter as I apologize.

Me: “I am so sorry to bother you.”

Woman: “That’s okay; do you need the number?”

Me: “No, no, thank you, though. I have you both in my contacts and I must have touched the wrong name without realizing it. I’m really sorry.”

Woman: “That’s okay. I hope you enjoy your pizza!”

I was almost in pain at this point from not letting myself laugh. I hung up and told the others what had happened, and we all laughed hysterically for a few minutes. I then ordered the pizza from the correct place.

It’ll be a while before my mother lets me live this down.

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Captain Obvious’s Grandmother

, , , | Right | July 24, 2020

As I’m working at the register, an elderly woman comes up to me, pointing at the price sticker on her item.

Customer: “Excuse me, ma’am, could you price check this for me and tell me how much this is if the sticker on it says $3.00?”

Me: “Um, I… Sure.”

Related:
Flying With Captain Obvious
Is It A Bird? Is It A Plane? No, It’s Captain Obvious
The Adventures Of Captain Obvious
Captain Obvious’ Evil Twin
Captain Obvious Throws In The Towel

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Unfiltered Story #201382

, , , | Unfiltered | July 23, 2020

I work in customer service and I am the only one scheduled that night. We are slammed and the lines are very long. I finally get the line down to one customer who is with her husband.
Me: What can I help you with?
Customer: I want you to order this shirt for me in an extra-large.
Me: I’m sorry ma’am but I can’t do that. We don’t have anything back here that can order merchandise. There are three machines in store that can do that for you (I then tell her where they are and these machines have a sign at the top that you can see from far away that say this is where you order online products)
Customer: What do you mean? I have been standing in line this whole time and with my kids too!
Her kids have been sitting in chairs nearby playing on their phones clearly not bothered.
Me: I’m sorry but we’ve never been able to order anything from customer service. Even then, we typically can only help you through the steps since so much private information is required. When you order in store it requires your credit card information, the last four digits of your social and your home address. Our company wants to keep customers assured that no one will have access to your private information but you and that’s why we can’t do orders for you.
Customer (in a deadpan tone): Wow, such great customer service nowadays. I’m sure I’ll be back.
She walks away and I’m just glad to be rid of her. She acted so self-entitled and that the world revolved around her. I can’t even think of a single department store nearby where you can order things online from customer service. I’m sorry she had to stand in that long line, but if she would have asked anybody, they could have told her the same thing. The ironic thing was that one of the computers is right across from me and she could have read the sign from the line saying that’s where you order.

A Fine In Wolf’s Clothing

, , , , | Right | July 22, 2020

I am a clerk at a video rental store. One of my jobs is to follow up on late fees and charge them to the credit card on file. A known trouble-customer owes us over $200 and I finally get his card to charge. We also keep notes in the computer system for every customer. Sometimes we write funny observations about customers. This particular customer has “WOLF MAN” in his notes due to his copious amount of unkempt facial hair. He comes in to dispute the charge and is yelling at our manager.

Customer: “How the h*** do you even get $200 in late fees? It’s a ripoff!”

Manager: “Well, Mr. Wolfman, you didn’t even return three videos and—”

Customer: “THAT’S NOT EVEN MY NAME! You have the wrong account! I knew you stupid a**holes screwed up! Cancel the charge!”

The other clerks and I run to the back, about to lose it.

Manager: “Sorry, Mr. [Customer’s Real Name], my mistake. The charges are real. If you return the DVDs, we can waive the replacement fees, but you’ll still owe us $60 in late fees.”

Customer: “F****** scammers! I’m never f****** coming here again! F*** ALL OF YOU!”

He leaves the store.

Me: “Must be a full moon tonight!”

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Parenthood Doesn’t Come With Clairvoyance

, , , , , | Healthy | July 19, 2020

My son was born with a very slight heart murmur. The pediatrician said he needed to see a cardiologist so they called one in right away. He was only an hour old.

One month later, I got a letter saying the insurance wouldn’t pay because it needed a pre-authorization twenty-four hours before the visit. I called the insurance company and said that twenty-four hours before the visit, my son was negative twenty-three hours old. They paid the claim.

He’s eighteen now, and he’s fine.


This story is part of our July 2020 Roundup – the best stories of the month!

Read the next July 2020 Roundup story!

Read the July 2020 Roundup!

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