This Story Will Pierce Your Heart

, , , , , | Right | November 20, 2019

(I work in a popular alternative clothing store. I am pretty accustomed to getting customers with tattoos and piercings, but usually when a customer is “new to the scene” we end up having conversations about tattoos and piercings. I’m helping a woman in her late 40s pick out some studs for her nose.)

Customer: “Oh, I like your tattoo! What does it say?”

(I’m very used to this. I have a large script tattoo that covers the entire inside of my bicep.)

Me: “It says, ‘If we’re stuck on this ship and it’s sinking, then we might as well have a parade.’ It basically means we are all here for now and we should enjoy life before it ends.”

Customer: “Oh, I absolutely love it! You know, I lost both of my sons and my husband in a car accident. I miss them so much, but instead of being depressed about it, I try to live my life by having as many good experiences as I can. I know they’d want that for me. I know since they can’t live life anymore, I should live mine for them. I actually just got my nose pierced and I got a tattoo, because I figured, hey, try everything once. And you, you’re still young. Before you know it, you’ll be as old as me. So, live your life as best as you can and enjoy it. And love your loved ones every day, and appreciate them, because you never know when they’ll be gone forever. I love that you have that tattoo; it makes me hopeful for you.”

(This lovely woman’s words have stuck with me ever since that day. She really warmed my heart and made me learn to appreciate my loved ones and new experiences — and my tattoo — more than I already do. Her kind words will stay with me forever. And I hope, if I never see her again, that she lives the rest of her life as fully and as happily as she can.)

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Neither Snow Nor Rain Nor Heat Nor Quantum Physics

, , , | Right | November 20, 2019

(I work at a post office. Just before closing, two women approach the window.)

Customer: “I have my mail on hold, and we’re going away tomorrow. Can I pick up tomorrow’s mail?”

Me: *trying not to laugh in her face* “Ma’am, we won’t have tomorrow’s mail until tomorrow.”

Customer: “Well, can I go to the distribution center–” *five minutes from the office where we’re located* “–to pick up tomorrow’s mail?”

Me: “They don’t even have tomorrow’s mail. Why don’t you stop by tomorrow after ten am for tomorrow’s mail?”

(The customers leave with a confused look on their faces, not making a fuss but definitely not understanding that the post office ascribes to a linear understanding of time and cannot, in fact, give them their mail before it arrives.)

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Diamonds Don’t Want To Be Their Friends

, , , , | Right | November 18, 2019

(I am working at the jewelry counter helping two customers who are looking at diamond earrings. They want nice quality pieces; however, they are horribly stingy and don’t want to pay big money to get nice pieces. All of our jewelry is 60% off but, considering how cheap they are, I grab a pair of diamond earrings out of our discontinued stock which is 80% off.)

Me: “As you can see, these are one-carat diamond studs and because they are discontinued, they might be able to fit your price range better.”

Customer: “Excellent, I will take this pair—” *motions to ones that are 60% off* “—for this price.” *taps the discontinued ones*

Me: “Sir, that’s not how this works. These are on a better sale because they have been discontinued and the company has stopped making them. I cannot adjust the price on these ones because they are still in production.”

Customer: “Call a manager over. I don’t know why you aren’t understanding what I want to happen.”

(I call a manager over and I explain the situation.)

Manager: “Sir, she’s clearly explained that she cannot mark down the price on this pair because they are still in production. If you want to get your price down cheaper, I suggest opening a store card which will save you another percentage.”

Customer: “I already have one and I have this coupon, too, for my card.”

(He shows the manager a coupon on his phone.)

Manager: “And that is a fraudulent coupon which we will not honor in this store. I suggest you either buy the earrings for the price offered or leave.”

(He ends up buying the pair and stays silent the rest of the transaction. Later, my manager comes back.)

Manager: “Those guys were shysters. I also love how they insisted on having me come over and then showing me something that they probably could have gotten away with if I hadn’t shown up.”

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Unfiltered Story #177700

, , | Unfiltered | November 16, 2019

(I am in a grocery store with my mom. As we are wrapping things up in the produce section, my mom realizes we forgot to get something on the list and sends me to go get it. This is a conversation she hears between a woman and an employee while I’m gone.)
Woman: “Do you have any lemon zest?”
Employee: “Um…sure. Here you go.”
(He hands her a jar of minced garlic.)
Woman: “Great! Thanks!” *Walks away*

Conversational Heart Failure

, , , , | Healthy | November 15, 2019

(I have myriad medical issues which give me some bother. I have an appointment with my primary care doctor. This office knows about all of my conditions. I get to the building and ride the elevator to the fourth floor. I get into the office and go to the check-in desk. There are two office workers there. One I know; the other I don’t. The worker who I don’t know goes to check me in and sees I’m breathing quite heavily.)

Worker: “Walk the steps today?”

Me: “No. I have congestive heart failure.” 

(The worker couldn’t get her foot out of her mouth, it was wedged in so deeply. The other worker, the one I knew, just burst out laughing so hard that she spit out part of her sandwich. I did let the first worker off the hook and said I didn’t care what she said. I was not offended at all. It was just too funny.)

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