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An Inattentive Attendant

, , , , , | Working | September 23, 2021

I go to the gas station and pull up at one of the pumps. It’s morning, and the gas station is empty. I get out of my car, run my card at the pump, select my fuel type, and put the nozzle in the gas tank. It clicks but nothing happens. The pump is clearly not running. I check the pump to make sure I actually selected the fuel type; yes, I did select the fuel type I wanted since that one is showing the price, whereas the other two are no longer showing the price. I try again; nothing comes out. I check to make sure my credit card was read by the machine; the screen does not indicate anything is wrong. I try to get the pump started a few more times, each time checking both the fuel screen and the payment screen to see if I missed a step. There is no sign indicating that the pump is out of order. Finally deciding that the problem may be the attendant failing to activate the pump, I finally go inside.

The attendant is standing at the counter, looking at me. Considering that I am the only customer at the station and the pump I used is in her direct line of vision, I am wondering why she would not activate the pump.

Me: “Hi, pump two appears to not be working, and I checked everything—”

Attendant: “Yes, there was a sign on there before, but someone took it down. It only works on Premium.”

There is a long pause after she speaks. I stare at her, waiting for her to offer further assistance. I am incredibly confused as to why she would not replace the sign or put a bag over the pump. By all appearances, she seems to have literally NOTHING to do, and there were no cars around when I pulled in. In the past, I’ve even had attendants alert me over the intercom if something was wrong with my pump or the card reader as I was using it. This particular attendant makes absolutely no move to help, and her response does not offer a solution, like suggesting that I move to a different pump.

Me: “Um… are all the pumps like that?”

Attendant: “You can move to pump four if you want to use Regular.”

I sputtered a bit because I was frustrated and trying very hard not to take it out on her, even though I felt like she did nothing to prevent the situation from happening and seemed to not be interested in helping further. I just walked out of the gas station, moved my car, and tried again with pump four, which works perfectly.

I kept looking at the broken pump; the attendant was not coming out with a sign. I went to my car to make my own sign since I felt like she was going to let this happen to everyone who came to that pump. However, the second I was done making my sign, she came out with a sign and put it on the pump. We both made eye contact for a long moment before she turned around and went back inside. I just got back in my car and drove to work, making a mental note to never to go to that gas station if I could avoid it.

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Mansplain A Mansplainer And Watch Him Implode

, , , , , | Working | September 21, 2021

I am by no means a professional photographer, but while on vacation, I took a photo of a waterfall and liked it so much that I had a large print made to hang on my office wall. One day, the coworker we’ve secretly dubbed “Actually” Man stops by my office. His superpower is his firm belief in knowing more than everyone else and his inability to keep himself from correcting them, even when they’re not wrong.

Coworker: “Hey, I love the photo of the Lower Falls on your wall.”

I’m filled with internal glee because I know what’s coming.

Me: “That’s the Upper Falls, [Coworker].”

Coworker: “Actually, the Lower Falls are easily identifiable as they’re one of the tallest waterfalls in North America and are surrounded by the distinctive colored rock walls of the canyon.”

Me: “Do you see any distinctively colored rock around those falls?”

Coworker: “No, but I’d recognize the Lower Falls anywhere.”

Me: “Apparently not. Those are the Upper Falls.”

Coworker: *Sneer* “Oh, yeah? And how do you know?”

Me: “Because that’s where I was when I took the photo.”

He stared for a moment and then left my office without another word.

I sent an office message to my other coworkers, bringing out a favorite quote from “The West Wing”: “Victory is mine, people, victory is mine. Bring me the finest muffins and bagels in all the land. I have rendered ‘Actually’ Man unable to correct!” 

From the office next to me, I heard, “Huzzah!” There was a muffin on my desk when I came back after lunch.

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Time To Make A Clean Getaway

, , , , | Romantic | September 17, 2021

My husband is very anal about cleaning; I am not. With an eighteen-month-old especially, it’s very difficult to keep up with the cleaning. My husband has worked from home for years and I stay to take care of the baby during the day. Typically, he comes downstairs after work, watches the baby while I make dinner, and then cleans the kitchen while I get the baby ready for bed. It’s a schedule that works for us.

But today, he had a very late meeting during dinner, so I fed the baby and got her ready myself. For once, I actually was able to take the time to quickly clean her tray table which, apparently, was to my husband’s satisfaction. Unfortunately, he assumed this was beyond my capabilities.

Husband: “Are you sure you fed her dinner?”

Me: *Pauses* “No, I dreamed it.”

Husband: “Well, her tray is clean.”

Me: “Because I cleaned it. Did you think I’d lie about feeding my own child?”

Husband: “Okay, maybe I said the wrong thing.”

Me: “Oh, there is no ‘maybe’. You definitely said the wrong thing.”

Let’s just say that my husband suffered from foot-in-mouth disease and stepped in it big time. I set him straight.

For the record, my child is always given three square healthy meals a day and snacks. My husband knows I would never just not feed her; he was just being an idiot.

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Being A Horror Is Hereditary

, , , , , , | Related | September 15, 2021

I am watching “Midsommar” when my sister texts me asking me what I’m doing. I tell her I’m watching a movie and I’ll text her later.

Sister: “So, was that movie any good?”

My sister loves horror movies while I mostly find them boring. I enjoyed the movie enough so I think she would like it.

Me: “Yeah, I liked it. It’s free on [Streaming App], so you should watch it when you get a chance.”

Sister: “What’s it about?”

I decide to have some fun with her.

Me: “It’s about a woman who goes on a trip to Sweden with her friends and discovers herself in the process.”

Sister: “That sounds kinda boring, but if you said it’s good I’ll maybe try it.”

Later on in the week, I get another text from my sister.

Sister: “B****, you lied to me! You made it seem like it would be some feel-good movie. It was literally a horror movie!”

Me: “It’s from the same guy who did Hereditary; that should have been your first clue!”

Sister: “What’s Hereditary? I’ve never heard of it before.”

Me: “Oh, it’s a drama about a grieving family suffering from tragedy after the death of their grandmother. It’s really good; you should watch it!”

Sister: “Oh, f*** you.”

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When It Comes To Dogs, Love Is Love

, , , , , , | Related | September 14, 2021

I recently had my septum pierced, which made my mom incredibly upset to the point she bribed me with a puppy to have it taken out. Ironically, it was pierced wrong, and no matter what, I was going to have to take it out. At least I was getting a puppy out of it! I insisted, though, that I wanted to adopt.

I am browsing for dogs online when my dad approaches.

Dad: “Make sure you get a pure breed.”

Me: “Why does that matter? And also, it’s going to be incredibly hard to find a pure breed that’s up for adoption and not just for sale.”

Dad: “Our last dog was a pure breed, and she was a good dog.”

Me: “But that has nothing to do with it! She was a good dog because we raised her well and she was just incredibly gentle and patient. You’re crazy. We’ll get whatever dog we get.”

Later on, though, my mom also hits me with this caveat.

Mom: “Don’t get a pit bull, a rottweiler, or any other type of bully breed. They’re dangerous and I don’t want an accident.”

Me: “Okay, but a dog’s temperament is usually based on how they’re trained. The aggressive nature thing is usually just a bad myth and leads to those dogs not getting adopted as much.”

Mom: “My house, my rules. No bully breeds.”

Finally, though, I settle on my dream dog up for adoption. She is a German shepherd labrador mix, so my dad lost out on his pure breed nonsense. Later on, we discover that that mix of dogs is considered one of the best you can get because of how loyal and loving they are. And during the first week we have her, my mom takes her to the vet just to make sure she doesn’t have any issues we need to be concerned with. The vet tells my mom that the dog might have a bit of rottweiler in her based on her appearance. 

Mom: “That’s okay. We love her anyway!”

She brought so much love and joy into our lives, and I still love how she basically was something that my parents were totally against but ended up loving in the end.

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