In Amazing Moment Of Inspiration, Ride-Share Apps Start To Tell Passengers Which Cars Are Theirs

, , , , | Friendly | November 5, 2018

(One rainy Sunday, my best friend and I go for lunch at one of our favorite fast food places. As we’re leaving, she asks if we can swing by the mall across the street so she can run into the bookstore and get a drink from that famous coffee chain. I agree on the condition that I don’t have to go in. I drop her at the bookstore entrance, and then loop around the parking lot so I can idle the car in front of the door until she comes out. My car has this function where all of the doors automatically unlock when I put it in park, but my mind is wandering and I don’t think about this. I’m in the process of retrieving my cell phone from my purse to put it on the charger when one of the door opens.)

Me: *not looking* “Are you done already? Why are you getting in the back seat?”

(I look up and meet the eyes of a complete stranger. A young man is staring at me in a kind of horror.)

Me: “Can I help you?!”

Man: “You… you aren’t my Lyft driver, are you?”

Me: “Uh, no.”

Man: “Oh, God. I’m so sorry.”

(He shut the door and scurried back to where he had been waiting. For the record, I’m not a Lyft OR Uber driver and do not have one of those identifying stickers on my car. As soon as he shut the door, I locked the car and texted my friend to HURRY UP. I understand that waiting around to be picked up is annoying and dull, but for heaven’s sake, make sure you’re looking at the right car before you try to get in!)

A Phone’s Purpose: To Access Facebook

, , , , | Right | November 5, 2018

(I work for a phone kiosk. A woman comes up to me and casually leans on the counter.)

Customer: “I was wondering if you could help me with something on my phone.”

Me: “Sure, what’s your question?”

Customer: “How do I get Facebook to stop showing my birthday?”

Me: “Uh… I do phones, not Facebook.”

Customer: “That’s okay; I’ll ask him later.”

(She pointed to my coworker, who was helping another customer, and then walked away.)

Return Of The Returner: Lines Of Anger

, , , , , | Right | November 3, 2018

(I’m working at customer service, and returns have been out of control today. We have physically run out of counter space to put returned items, and the line is backed up to the front of the store. Normally, if it isn’t busy, we allow customers to check out back there, but when it’s this crazy busy, I only allow small items, since checking out takes a lot longer than returning something. An old woman is my next customer.)

Me: “Hi. Doing a return?”

Customer: “Yes, and I had to wait fifteen minutes up in the lines at the front before being told to come back here and wait in this line. Why couldn’t they do it up there?”

Me: “Well, those registers aren’t equipped for returns. If you notice, when you first walk in, we have signs directing customers back here for returns.”

(I do the return, and then she announces she has something to buy.)

Me: “I can do that today, ma’am, but with it being this busy, next time this will have to be taken up front.”

Customer: “Well, I guess I am never shopping here again! Never in my life have I been so disrespected.”

Me: “I said I can still check you out here, though. It’s just because ringing up a sale takes longer, and it can be unfair to customers who are here to return items.”

(She slides her card, and I notice her hitting the screen. With some cards, there is an option on screen for credit or debit, but with her card, she has to hit a button on the PIN pad for credit.)

Me: “If you want to do credit, just go ahead and hit the green circle there on the PIN pad.”

(She looks at me as if I have just kicked a newborn baby.)

Customer: *in a shrill voice that is just full of anger* “I wanted debit!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I noticed you hit the screen and thought you wanted to hit the credit button. Just go and enter in your PIN.”

(We finish the transaction and she leaves. The customer who has been stuck after her witnessed her little meltdown and tells me this:)

Next Customer: “I’m not sure what her deal was. Unless I’m mistaken, every store I’ve been to that has a customer service desk requires returns to be done there. She was just an angry old lady that doesn’t know how to read signs. And don’t worry, I’ll go up front for my purchases because of how long your line is.”

(I’m glad that someone else realized what I was trying to say, and I couldn’t care less if that old lady ever comes back.)

Return Of The Returner: Mysteries From The Past
Return Of The Returner: The Buyback
Return Of The Returner: Jeans Of Justice

A Call-Back Attack

, , , , , | Working | November 1, 2018

(This takes place when the only people who have cell phones are Mulder and Scully from “The X-Files.” Also, PINE is a sophisticated email system that you can use if you go to the computer lab. It is my freshman year, and I am calling the phone company on the only payphone in the dorm of a well-established college.)

Me: “Hello. I would like to set up phone service for my dorm room.”

Phone Company: “Okay. I’ll need [information that makes sense].”

Me: *provides said info*

Phone Company: “And what number can we call you back on?”

Me: “Um, none. Everyone here is calling you this week to set up their phones; no one anywhere has a phone. I’m calling from a communal payphone.”

Phone Company: “I understand. What number can we call you on if we need to reach you?”

Me: “As I said, none. I do not have a phone, which is why I am calling you.”

(We rinse and repeat a few times, until I finally give up and tell them the number of the payphone, while admonishing them that if they call it A) most likely no one will answer, B) even if someone does, it will not be me, and C) whoever answers will not have any way of reaching me. Fast forward to the end of the year. The phone company has a great system that they constantly inform everyone about, where you can give them a code word and when you call back the next year to set up your phone again in your new room, they can just do it without any rigmarole because they have all your info. Clearly this means that they understand that three quarters of the college will stop their phone service for the summer and resume it somewhere else the following year. I set this up, happy that they have a system. Fast forward to the beginning of sophomore year:)

Me: “Hello.  I’m calling from a payphone at [College] to get my service turned on again from last year.”

Phone Company: “Great. Can you just verify your identity and give me your code word?”

Me: *miraculously remembers and provides it*

Phone Company: “And what is a number we can call you back on?”

(Cue twenty minutes of my life wasted, explaining that, like everyone else who would be calling them, I was calling from a communal payphone and there was no way they could specifically reach me by phone BECAUSE I WAS CALLING TO SET UP MY PHONE and so was EVERYONE ELSE! Rinse and repeat for two more years.)

Halloween Triggers The Worst In People

, , , , | | Right | October 31, 2018

(I am working at a shop that tailors to Halloween, and is therefore only open around that time. It is Halloween Day. We have always had a lot of animatronics and props that can be activated by pressing a button or by stepping on a very obvious “STEP HERE” mat, with cords running to the props, making it very obvious they’re there. The day has been pretty okay — mostly last-minute costume shopping — when a mother, her son, and her son’s friend —  both about ten — walk in. Her son’s friend knowingly steps on an activation pad for an obviously-placed spider that leaps on its ranged mechanism, effectively scaring this woman’s son, but he quickly recovers and begins laughing. The mother sees and storms over to me.)

Mother: “Excuse me! Hey! Do you think you are so funny to have things like that? What if my son had a heart condition?!”

Me: “I’m sorry for your concern, but we’re fairly open about the triggers being there, and your son seems fine.”

Mother: “But what if he wasn’t fine?! I should sue you for this!”

Me: “If you really want to sue over something that could have happened, but didn’t, go ahead. Please let us know how that works out.”

Mother: “Consider me done with your store! I’ll be filing a complaint to corporate for this, and your boss will hear from my lawyer!”

(She turns to her son and his friend, quickly running over to them and beginning to urge them out of the store.)

Mother: “Now, hurry up! We have to arrive early if you two want to go through [nearby Extreme Horror Attraction]!”

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