(I’m taking my very first exam in my freshman Biology 101 course at college, which is in a huge lecture hall made to seat around 300 people. As I have anxiety issues, especially regarding time limits, I am allowed 50% extra time on tests. The professor and I have agreed that I will sit in the upper corner of the hall so no other students notice me when they leave and the next set of test-takers arrives. As the last of the first batch of students leave, the professor approaches me, but I think nothing of it.)

Professor: “The test is over; you need to hand it in now.”

(I continue on the essay questions.)

Professor: “I said, you need to hand in your test and leave.”

(I wonder who he could be talking to, and why they wouldn’t hand in their test.)

Professor: *takes my test off my desk* “For the last time, the test is over! You need to leave so the next class can take their test!”

Me: *shocked expression* “But you told me to sit here! We agreed about extra time!”

(The professor looks at me, remembers who I am, and immediately becomes flustered.)

Professor: “Oh! Oh, my goodness. I’m so sorry. With all the other students, I forgot. Here! Take all the time you need.” *hands test back and walks off*

(It took me a little while longer due to the shock and panic from my test being taken away like that, but I finished it up in time and ended up getting a great grade. The professor apologized again on my way out. In such a large class, these things are to be expected, I guess! And he was always very polite when we talked after that.)

(The roommate and I are watching videos online when I get momentarily distracted. The roommate notices.)

Roommate: “What are you thinking about so hard?”

Me: “Oh, just what shade of red I should make Waluigi’s super cape, and where I’m going to find a maple leaf cut-out to sew on it. Or maybe I should just get an applique. And do you think I can use the same white mesh for his bridal veil as for Yoshi’s toilet paper?”

Roommate: *after a long pause* “It’s too early for alcohol. It’s too early for alcohol…”

Me: “Hey, you asked!”

(My coworkers are chatting in the staff room when I arrive.)

Coworker #1: “It’s not hard; you just have to be patient, you know? A hug here, a pat on the back there, and back off if they get uncomfortable. Keep pushing their limits, but not so much that you push them away. Slow and steady, and you’ll get there eventually.” *notices me watching* “Oh, hey, [My Name]. What’s up?”

Me: “This is what I get for walking in in the middle of the conversation. You’re either breaking in a shy house pet or grooming a molestation victim.”

([Coworkers #2 and #3] chuckle, while [Coworker #4] chokes on his drink. [Coworker #1] sighs patiently.)

Coworker #1: “I’m helping a friend of mine overcome his social anxiety.”

Me: *nodding sagely* “Grooming a victim it is, then.”

([Coworker #1] responded with something that was almost certainly extremely vulgar, but at that point, all of us, including him, were laughing too hard for me to make him out.)

(I work in a plus-sized clothing store. We carry “regular” and “petite” sizes. The only difference between the two is length, as the “petites” are shorter.)

Customer: “So, what’s the deal with the petite pants?”

Me: “They are cut shorter than the regular sizes. The sizing is the same.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought they just did that to make it cute.”

Me: “Sir, I’m asking you again: please stop whistling. This is a quiet area.”

Patron: “I was listening to a song!”

Me: “You don’t have headphones on, and there’s no music playing.”

Patron: “Well, it was earlier, but I was listening to one!”