Someone Should “Lightly” Explain How This Works

, , , , , , , | Related | September 15, 2018

(We are at my aunt’s house and there has been a blackout. My aunt turns on a battery-powered light in the kitchen, and my sister and cousin start making shadow puppets with it.)

Sister: *holds up two fingers in front of the light* “Look, a bunny!”

Cousin: *holds up her whole hand in front of the light* “Look, a turkey!”

Aunt: *picks up her coffee pot and holds it in the light* “Look, a coffee pot!”

They’re Breeding Like Starbucks

, , , , , | Romantic | September 13, 2018

(My husband and I are driving on a road near our house where they are putting up a natural food store right next to a restaurant. It looks like it’s almost touching the restaurant.)

Me: “It looks like they’re spooning one another.”

Husband: “Store sex! Does this mean they’re going to have kiosks?”

A Bad (Bar)Code Of Conduct

, , , , | Working | September 12, 2018

(I have a coworker that was hired a year after I was, but she is twice my age. That makes a difference with some people more than experience with the actual job. She also has a tendency to never admit when she is wrong, constantly chats with customers — by “chats” I mean she talks with them for over an hour while other people do her job for her — and simply believes she’s always right. It is a very busy day, and I am constantly helping out at the register, ringing up customers, answering questions, or helping to bag items, all in the interest of getting people checked out as quickly as possible. Some of our items are so small that we can’t put a barcode on them. When that is the case, we usually print a barcode either on a sheet of paper by the register, or on the counter at the register so we can quickly scan it and go on our way. I notice that my coworker is looking at the paper for something to scan.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], what are you looking for?”

(She doesn’t say anything, and she is hard of hearing, so I think maybe she doesn’t hear me.)

Me: “What are you looking for? I might know where it is.”

Coworker: *glares at me* “I know what I’m doing! I don’t need your help! You don’t need to hover; you’re making me flustered.”

(While she is yelling, I glance over at the customer and see what they have; it is a simple ID holder that you can fix to a lanyard. I know where that barcode is on the counter, and I also know it’s not on the sheet she’s holding.)

Me: “[Coworker]…”

(But she’s not done.)

Coworker: “I’ve worked here 30 hours a week for the past three years; I know how to find things. I worked at the 50%-off sale for eight hours. I know what I’m doing.”

(At that massive sale a year ago, I worked the exact same number of hours she did. Anyway, [Coworker] scans a barcode on the sheet of paper, but it’s obviously the wrong one, as she’s ringing up the item as $7 when it’s really 50 cents.)

Coworker: “That’s wrong.”

Me: *points down to the correct barcode* “Because that’s the right one.”

Coworker: “I’ve never seen that! How long has that been there?”

Me: “Only about five years, but hey, you said you’ve been here three years; clearly you know everything.”

(We didn’t speak the rest of the day, and I didn’t help her out at the register at all. I figured if she was so determined to yell at me for help then she could just drown on her own.)

Making Your Toes Curl Too

, , , , | Right | September 11, 2018

(I have long, curly hair. I am shopping in a beauty supply store where they are currently having a special on blow-outs and flat irons.)

Sales Associate: “Hi! Welcome to [Store]. Would you like a free demo of these ceramic flat irons?”

Me: “Thanks, but no. It would ruin my curls.”

Sales Associate: “Okay. Just so you know, we’re having a special—”

Random Customer: “HEY! You NEED this flat iron.” *grabs flat iron from associate and reaches towards my hair*

Me: *backing up* “Do NOT touch my hair.”

Random Customer: “But it’s so curly! And this is a flat iron!”

Sales Associate: “It’s okay, ma’am.” *tries to get flat iron from customer*

Random Customer: “But she’s got so many curls!”

Sales Associate: “I think she likes them.” *manages to get the cord to the flat iron but the customer is still holding onto it*

Random Customer: “No one likes curls! Let me just…” *grabs at my hair again*

Me: “If you touch me, it will be assault. Do not push your luck. Get away from me.”

Sales Associate: “Ma’am, I’m going to need that back.”

Random Customer: “But she has CURLS!”

(The sales associate managed to get the flat iron away from the customer but she insisted on following me around the store, yelling that I had curls and I needed to get rid of them. As I approached the register with my purchases, she had changed tactics to yelling that I was accusing her of assault just for trying to “fix” my hair. At that point the manager finally stepped in.)

Unfiltered Story #119705

, , , | Unfiltered | September 8, 2018

(In between customers at work, I often times get bored and will sing along to the overhead music. On this particular occasion, a popular song that I know all the words to starts playing just as my manager walks past me)

Me: *singing* Shut up and dance with me!

Manager: No, I won’t dance with you, I have work to do.

(And that is why I love my manager.)

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