Book That One Down To Experience

, , , , , , | Learning | November 9, 2017

My daughter’s middle school English teacher inadvertently left a loophole in her syllabus. Students could earn points for every book they read; all they had to do was fill out a form with the author, title, and a brief synopsis, with a signature from the parent that the book was actually read. The catch? The teacher hadn’t put a limit on how many points a student could earn.

[Daughter] spotted the loophole, drew my attention to it, and asked what I thought. I figured this could be a valuable learning experience for both [Daughter] and her teacher, so I told her that, as far as I was concerned, she could go for it.

I was very proud, as a parent, of having gotten my children addicted to reading at an early age, and [Daughter] went for it in a big way. Much to her teacher’s distress, [Daughter] read and turned in the forms for something like 130 books that semester, and didn’t do any of the assignments.

She ended up with an A in the class, begrudgingly granted, but the teacher wouldn’t recommend her for Advanced Placement English classes in high school. I gather that her syllabus changed the next semester. So, they both did learn something.

And Every Male Reader Just Crossed His Legs

, , | Healthy | November 8, 2017

(A lady calls into our bookstore. We are a private, Christian, non-profit organization. She wants to know about circumcision and any materials pertaining to that subject. I am confused as to why she wants it.)

Lady: “Hi, do you guys have any books on circumcision?”

Me: “Uh… no. That is mainly a Jewish practice, started in the Old Testament by Abraham and his family as a holy covenant with God.”

Lady: “That’s fascinating! Well, my nephew has just been born and the family was talking about it, and I didn’t know what it was. Every time I ask they avoid the subject with me.”

(After explaining to her what it was and why people did it, I told her that the practice today is done by a trained professional called the Mohel or by a medical professional.)

Lady: “So, it’s not as bad as it sounds! So do you think I could do it on my boyfriend? Here he is now!”

(Her boyfriend apparently walked into the room. She proceeded to check his penis to see if he was circumcised and tell me the gory details over the phone.)

Lady: “Can it be done with some scissors?”

Me: “Um… no… you would have to go to the hospital for that.”

Lady: “But you said it was not that bad!”

Me: “Yes, but if it’s not done right you can seriously hurt your boyfriend.”

Lady: “Oh. But Abraham did it with a knife!”

Me: “That was a long time ago and I’m sure he had divine intervention to help him!”

Unfiltered Story #99519

, | Unfiltered | November 8, 2017

(I have recently started working at my university’s bookstore, and as such have yet to have had a chance do everything in the job description, including answering the phone. I am alone at the registers when the phone rings.)

Me: *picking up phone and reading the script* Hello, [University] Bookstore, my name is [Name], how may I help you?

Caller: Heeeeeyyy [my name drawn out slowly]…

Me: *increasingly creeped out* Um… Hello?

Caller: It’s [Coworker].

Me: Oh my god you TERRIFIED me! I had no idea who you were! Jerk!

Caller/Coworker: *laughing*

(Turns out, he was just calling in sick! Thanks for almost giving me a heart attack my first time picking up the phone, Coworker!)

The Internal Filter Is Gone The Way Of The Scanner

, , , , , | Working | November 7, 2017

Manager: *after resetting a coworker’s scanner only to find that it still doesn’t work* “Well, that was disappointing.”

Me: “That’s what she said!”

(I can feel the blood rushing from my face as I realize what I, a new employee, have said to my manager, a man who prides himself on professionalism and leadership. I can’t help but internally scream as I brace myself for a stern look and talking-to.)

Manager: *pauses, before laughing* “Story of my life!”

(Dodged that bullet!)

Bubbles Of Masculinity Are Easily Popped

, , , , , | Right | November 6, 2017

(The items I make are appropriate for everyone, but I give descriptive names for all my one-of-a-kind pieces. A guy in his twenties comes into my shop.)

Guy: “These are cool! What’s that on the tag?”

Me: “That’s the item’s name.”

Guy: “Oh, cool! Yeah, I like this.”

(He browses for a minute before reading a tag, then turns to me, bright red.)

Guy: “That’s a girly name! That’s totally girly! D***, you tricked me! I didn’t know they were girly names!”

(As he flees the shop, my partner calls out:)

Partner: “Wait! We also have bubble wrap for your fragile masculinity!”

Page 2/2212345...Last
« Previous
Next »