(We have two types of coupons in our store, a certain number of dollars off and percent off. No matter how you do it, dollars-off coupons will always come off before percent off coupons. It scans this way no matter what order you put them in and it says on every coupon. A woman comes up to my customer service desk.)

Customer: “Excuse me, why didn’t I get 30% off my total?”

Me: “Well, your total was $0. You had a dollars-off coupon that came off first and so you didn’t owe anything.”

Customer: “But I wanted to use my 30%.”

Me: “Well, the system won’t let you. 30% off zero is still zero.”

Customer: “No, re-ring the order and don’t use the dollars-off coupon so I can use my thirty percent.”

(I do this even though it makes no sense since she is literally now paying money instead of owing nothing.)

Me: “Okay, your total today is $15.00.”

Customer: “Much better.”

(Still not sure how spending $15 is better than spending nothing.)

(It is the holiday season. My shift ends in ten minutes and I just want it to end without incident. My male boss is at the cash register next to me; I’m female. A middle-aged man comes up to the counter; he’s a bit annoying, but seems relatively harmless. He pays and leaves, but comes back after my boss goes off to do other things. I am twenty, but not used to people hitting on me, as I look around fourteen.)

Me: “Hello again.”

Customer: “Just decided to get something else.”

Me: “All right. What was your phone number for the rewards card again?”

Customer: *provides number*

Me: “All ri—“

Customer: “Remember it. I’m free after seven.”

Me: *too creeped out to respond*

Customer: “It was a joke.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “You’re supposed to laugh.”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

(The transaction continues in silence until the computer prompts me to ask if the customer wants his receipt emailed. It does this at random.)

Me: *trying to continue smiling* “Would you be interested in having your receipts and coupons sent directly to your email?”

Customer: “No, but I’ll happily give you my email.”

Me: *failing to continue smiling* “Please confirm the information on the screen. Okay. Your total is [total].”

(He hands me cash. I hand him change and accidentally drop some.)

Me: “Sorry!”

Customer: “Don’t worry; you can throw money at me anytime.” *leaves*

Me: *creeped out and speechless*

Next Customer: “I’ll give you a minute.”

(I am waiting for the groomers at a local pet store to get my dog’s nails done. At the store when a pet pees or poops while on the floor, it is stated that it is the owner’s responsibility to clean up after the dog. While I’m waiting, a woman approaches.)

Woman: “Excuse me, but your dog is so cute! Can I pet her?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but no. She tends to get overexcited when meeting new people, and then she might pee, and I don’t want to clean up after her right now.”

Woman: “Oh, nonsense; that’s what the employees are for.”

(Before I could say anything else, she pet my dog, causing her to pee. The woman then left and I had to clean up after her. I had to leave to go to the cleanup station, and while doing that, a line formed — previously no one else had been there — causing me to lose my spot as next in line. Thanks, lady.)

(At our store, the policy is that when you do a return without a receipt, it gives you the lowest two-week sale price, because often everything’s on sale, and we almost always have some sort of coupon. It’s after Christmas when our returns are constant.)

Customer: “I’d like to return this toy, please.”

Me: “Sure thing. Was anything wrong with it?”

Customer: “No, he just didn’t need any more toys.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. Did they give you a receipt?”

Customer: “No, but I’d still like to return it.”

Me: “Without a receipt, you would get back $37 on a merchandise credit.”

Customer: “No. My husband was just in here the other day, and it was full price for $45.”

Me: “Without a receipt, it would be the two-week lowest sale price. If this was bought for Christmas, most likely the person bought it on sale; plus, we had a coupon at that time, and most of our toys are usually about 50% off, so you are getting back a fair amount.”

Customer: “How do I know that they didn’t use a coupon or pay full price?”

Me: “You would have to ask them for the gift receipt or their actual receipt to get what they paid.”

Customer: “But that’s so tacky and rude. I’ll take the credit, but I’m not happy about it. I know you’re cheating me, and I’m contacting corporate.”

(Chances are, she wasn’t even going to get her kid anything with the credit, anyway, and would have bought stuff for herself. And what’s more tacky and rude is harassing an employee who has no control over the store policies.)

Related:
The Gift Receipt That Keeps On Giving

(One year for Christmas, I unwrap a single sock from my sister.)

Me: “Why did you give me one sock?”

Sister: *with a whimsical look on her face* “Dobby is free!”