For When Your Brain Just Goes Ker-Chunk

, , , , | Working | October 19, 2017

(I work in a small retail store, in which we have a manual “sticker gun” that we use to create price labels for merchandise. You set the price, pull a trigger, and a price label comes out. Due to the noise it makes every time you pull the trigger, my coworker and I start calling it the “ker-chunker” and the labels in it are always referred to as “doo-hickeys.” We always know exactly what we mean when one of us says to the other “hand me the ker-chunker,” but we get weird looks from customers, which is expected. My coworker calls the supply company to order more labels. She gets on the phone with the supply rep, and completely freezes.)

Coworker: “I need… some doo-hickeys. For my ker-chunker.”

Rep: *without missing a beat* “Oh. Labels for your price gun? What size?”

Coworker: *amazed* “How on earth did you do that?!”

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Don’t Take That Ace-Tone With Me!

, , , | Working | September 25, 2017

(I’m purchasing an “old pawn” ring, meaning that it’s pre-owned and is usually older, from the 50s through the 70s. This particular ring isn’t that old, probably from the mid to late 70s, and is sterling silver. It has some tarnishing, which I am fine with. The sales person, probably no more than 21 years old, rings me up.)

Salesperson: “Okay, your total is [amount]. Are you going to be wearing the ring out the store?”

Me: “Yes, I am planning on it.”

Salesperson: “That’s fine. Just let me clean it for you.”

(The salesperson then proceeds to get a bottle of fingernail polish remover and a cloth, and starts to wipe down the ring. If I’d known what he was going to use, I would have declined, as acetone is TERRIBLE for most porous stones and, since this ring has mother of pearl and coral, most of it is porous. But that’s not the kicker. As he’s wiping down the ring, he starts with this:)

Salesperson: “Just for future reference, use fingernail polish remover to remove any tarnish from your ring. It’s the best thing, as it has no harsh chemicals in it.”

Me: *stunned silence for a minute* “Uh, acetone is one of the harshest chemicals you can buy without a license. Look at the label! It says do not use near flames or while smoking. You think that’s safe? EVERYTHING has chemicals in it!”

(He just had a “deer in headlights” look on his face. I truly wanted to face-palm, but felt that would have been TOO rude.)

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“Used” That Excuse Before

| Right | February 4, 2017

(The phone starts ringing and I pick it up.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I have a watch that I’d like to sell; how much will you give me?”

Me: “Well, there’s no way for me to tell how much I can pay for ‘a watch’ as the price of a watch can vary from 2 to 20,000 euros. Also, we need to consider how old it is and how much it’s been used.”

Customer: “It’s basically new! It’s never been used before. How much will you give me?”

Me: “Even if it’s new I’d still need to know the brand and the model, and check on it, sir. You’ll have to bring it to our store to negotiate a price.”

Customer: “But I just want to know how much you’ll give me. I already told you it’s brand new; it hasn’t been used before. I don’t want to go there and then come back with the watch because you’re ripping me off.”

Me: “There’s nothing I can do over the phone. If you don’t come here with it, I can’t give you a price.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll go there later.”

(He indeed came that same day, a few hours later. He hands me the watch’s box.)

Customer: “How much will you give me? It’s new.”

Me: “Well, let’s take a look at it, shall we?”

(I open the box and check the watch. It’s fully functional but it’s obviously been used a lot, as there’s plenty of scratches in the glass, hits here and there, and some stains of solid sweat.)

Me: “Man, this isn’t ‘new’ by any definition of that word.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve worn it once or twice, but that’s about it.”

Me: “Look, I’m not saying this is broken, but this is not a watch that’s been on your wrist once or twice. Look here, see this? This is sweat. When you use it continuously it solidifies here, but it takes a while to happen.”

Customer: “So what? Of course I’ve used it before! This is a pawn shop! You don’t expect me to sell something that’s actually unused, don’t you?”

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Out Of Favor With The Law

| Right | May 17, 2016

(I work in a pawn shop where people can put items as collateral against loans, and when they do they can pay them off whenever they want but they can’t get their stuff back until a legally required seven day hold has finished, even if they’ve loaned the exact same item multiple times.)

Customer: “Hey, can you do me favour?”

Me: “Maybe?”

Customer: “My loan’s been in for six days. Can I get it out? I know it’s early but I’ve had it in before.”

Me: “It’s the law, man; we have to hold it for seven days every time.”

Customer: “I’m not talking about the law, man. I just need a favour.”

Me: “Your favour… requires me to break the law.”

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Don’t Like The Game He Is Playing

| Working | April 18, 2016

(My friend and I learn about a new pawn shop with an extensive video game collection. It’s full of vintage and highly collectable stuff, and as a collector, I’m very interested in buying quite a few things. This takes place on my first visit.)

Me: “Hi, I was wondering if I could look at your Playstation 2 games? They don’t seem to be anywhere.”

Owner: “I keep them behind the counter. No one buys them.”

Me: “Can I see them?”

Owner: “No! I don’t want to put them back in the bins when you’re done with them!”

Me: “Um… I could just put them back.”

Owner: “No way; you could steal something.”

(So, after being accused of being a thief, I leave without buying anything. On the second visit…)

Friend: *drops some change down the stairs* “Sorry, my hands are sweaty.”

Owner: “Yeah… Hehe, ‘sweaty.’”

(Repulsed, we leave without buying anything. The third time around, I go in with the intent of buying a specific game that they have for the cheapest price in town. While I’m in there, I see an older game I want, too, so I’m willing to spend a decent amount of money.)

Me: “This newer game has some weird colouration to the back of the disc, like it’s been damaged or something. What is your return policy if it doesn’t work?”

Owner: “We don’t have one.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Owner: *sighs* “I suppose you could bring it back TOMORROW if it’s broken.”

Me: “That’s not going to work for me. I work tomorrow, and a one-day return policy isn’t helpful to anyone that has a job.”

Owner: “Not my problem. If you don’t like it, don’t buy it.”

Me: “That sounds fine to me.”

(I left without buying anything. Obviously he’s afraid of making money, because he’s done just about everything possible to scare away his customers. I’ve never seen a car in the parking lot, so I must not be the only one.)

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