(I am at a Christmas/Hanukkah/Yule party for a group of my friends. I am a homebrewer, and also one of only two men at the gathering.)

Friend #1: “[My Name] is here!” *holds out her arms to me*

Me: “Indeed I am, and I know exactly what you want.” *I hand her a bottle of homebrew*

Friend #1: “You know just what to get a girl. What kind is this?”

Me: “Mango mead. 1.5 Liters.”

Friend #1: “Ooooh, I love mangoes.”

Friend #2: “Mangoes and honey. Sounds pretty good.”

(Later, after the mead has been opened and poured.)

Friend #1: “[My Name], this is great. I pledge my undying love to you.”

Me: “What about [Friend #2]’s brother?”

Friend #1: “He doesn’t give me mead.”

Me: “Did you forget how, back in June, I married a Scot? I happen to like living.”

(The group dissolved into laughter.)

(It is the New Year’s party at my friend’s house and we are all spending the night. We decided to play this game where you have seven seconds to complete a task.)

Me: “You have seven seconds to name five animals that would be bad pets… GO.”

Friend: “Okay… a Chihuahua… a… a… pumpkin!”

All Of Our Friends: “A PUMPKIN?!” *bursts out into laughter*

(We still haven’t let her live down this moment.)

(My brother takes me to a fourth of July cookout at a house near the woods. Eventually, one guy, who is obviously very drunk, comes out of the house, announces to all and sundry that he has to pee, and wanders off into the trees. I turn to my brother.)

Me: “Wait, he’s IN the house, and decides he needs the bathroom, so he LEAVES the house and walks into the woods?”

Brother: *shrugs* “It’s a guy thing.”

(There’s a small group of us left at the end of a house party. Note that Friend #1 is female while Friend #2 is male. The owner of the house went to bed a while ago.)

Friend #1: “Hey, is there a lot left to clean up before we go?”

Friend #2: “That depends. Are you asking as a woman, or as a bachelor?”

(The rest of us crack up.)

Friend #1: “As a woman, I guess?”

Friend #2: “Then, yes, there’s a lot.”

(We crack up again, and head over to help put stuff away. There wasn’t that much.)

(We’re throwing an outdoor party at our house. At one point, my mom, my friend, and I end up sitting on a raised planter box since seating is a little tight. My friend starts looking at the plants behind him.)

Friend: “What kind of plant am I sitting on?”

Me: “I think it’s squash. Mom, is that squash?”

Mom: “Yep, it’s squash.”

Friend: “Well, it’s definitely squished now.”