The Definition Is Mutually Beneficial

| Romantic | March 30, 2012

(My brother is at a staff Christmas party where the girl he is interested in is also at. As they are dancing, she pulls him to a quiet corner to talk.)

Girl: “So, we have been great friends for some time. Over the past few months, my feelings for you have grown deeper, and I am starting to care for you more than a friend. Is the feeling mutual?”

Brother: *with an earnest tone* “No.”

Girl: “Oh…okay.”

(She turns around and starts walking away, dejected. My brother becomes very confused.)

Brother: “Wait, what does mutual mean again?”

Girl: *laughing* “The same.”

Brother: “Oh! Then yes, the feeling is mutual!”

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A Fart From The Heart, Part 2

| Romantic | December 20, 2011

(I’m the first man that my boyfriend has dated. He’s nervous, and everything that crosses his mind is popping out of his mouth.)

Boyfriend: “I love dating a dude! I don’t have to hide my farts around you!”

 

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Never Send A Man To Do A Woman’s Job

| Right | December 8, 2011

(I work for a company that hosts kids’ parties. One party is coming in just as another is leaving, and in the chaos, a gay couple and their daughter are getting overlooked. At the time, I am the only female on duty.)

Me: “Can I help you, sirs?”

Customer: “We just bought a ball, but we don’t know how to blow it up.”

(I take the family to the pump and show their daughter how to use it. Her dads thank me profusely and one of them makes sure to comment.)

Customer: “That’s proof, Charlotte. If you want something done right, you have to ask a woman.”

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The Case Of The Missing Pi

| Right | August 15, 2011

(While the children are playing in our play rooms, I set up the room where they eat and open presents. I put a piece of pizza on each plate so that the kids can start eating as soon as they come in, as they are only allowed a certain amount of time.)

Mother: “I ordered five boxes of pizza, but there are only four there.”

Me: “That’s because I already used one box of pizza when I put a piece on each plate.”

Mother: “Well, what happened to it? I want another box of pizza.”

Me: “I put the empty box in the trash can, but I assure you that there were five full boxes to begin with.”

Mother: “No! I want another box of pizza for free! I can’t believe you would try to trick me!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m absolutely not trying to trick you. If you want, we can certainly order you another pizza, but unfortunately it won’t get here for another 30 minutes.”

Mother: “This is absurd! I want to talk to your manager!”

(Our manager then tries to explain to the mother that she did, in fact, get five pizzas, but she won’t believe him. A couple weeks later, we receive an electronic survey from her, where she again accused us of “stealing her pizza”.)

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Not A Case Of If, But When…

, , , , | Right | August 20, 2009

(While waiting in line, I overhear a conversation between a teenager and a police officer, both of whom are also waiting. The boy has red plastic cups and ping pong balls in hand.)

Officer: “Can I ask what those are for?”

Teenage Customer: “No, no questions.”

Officer: “Where’s the party?”

Teenage Customer: “No parties.”

(The kid checks out, and as he’s walking out the door yells “SODA PONG!” and flicks his wrist.)

Officer: *to me* “Yeah, I’ll get the call in a couple of hours.”


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