Pudding The P In Peculiar

| Portland, OR, USA | Food & Drink

Me: “Would you like a bag for your items?”

Customer: “I want pudding.”

(We’re a party store famous for giving out free popcorn, so I offer him popcorn instead.)

Me: “I don’t have any pudding, but I can give you some free popcorn.”

Customer: “Not good enough.”

Me: “They both start with ‘P’.”

Customer: “Nope!” *walks away with items in hand*

No Helium For The Airhead

| Belgium | Uncategorized

(A customer addresses me with a question about balloons we’ve sold her the week before.)

Customer: “I think I bought the wrong ones.” *points at the shelf* “These don’t rise to the ceiling. Where are the ones that do?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there is only one kind of balloon. They float if you fill them with helium.”

(The customer stands there giving me a puzzled look.)

Me: “You just blew them up with air, didn’t you? You see, if the gas is lighter than the air–”

(She continues to look with a confused, helpless gaze.)

Me: “If you want them to float in the air, you’ll just have to buy this tank of helium, put the balloon over the valve and release the gas into the balloon.”

Customer: “But I’ve already blown up all the balloons! Is there no other way to have them go up to the ceiling?”

Me: “You could tape them onto your ceiling.”

Birthday Cele-Berations

| Elkhart, IN, USA | Politics, Uncategorized

Customer: “You don’t have much of a selection for ninetieth birthday parties.”

Me: “Not many people live that long. Most of our suppliers don’t carry anything past the sixtieth birthday decorations.”

Customer: “It’s all because of Obama, you know. With his health care system, they just put you out to pasture once you’re sixty-five, and that’s the end of you. He probably told everyone to stop selling things with eighty and ninety on it, so people won’t want to live as long.”

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