They’re Slippery Costumes To Get

| Aurora, CO, USA | Holidays

(Earlier in the day on Halloween:)

Caller: “Do you have any banana suits?”

Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, we have one left.”

Caller: “Can you hold it for me?”

Coworker: “No, not unless you buy it over the phone.”

Caller: “No, it’s fine. I’ll be there soon.”

(Later, I had just sold the last banana suit.)

Customer: “I called a bit ago about a banana suit.”

Me: “I’m very sorry we just sold our last one.”

Customer: “You guys said you had a banana suit. You should have held it for me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we’re not allowed to hold costumes unless you buy them over the phone. Is there a different costume I can get you?”

Customer: “I didn’t think I’d need to! I’m not leaving here ’til I get a banana suit!”

Me: “Then you’re not leaving until next Halloween.”

(At this point I just walk away, and my manager gave me a fist bump.)

More Stupid Than Homer Simpson

| Seattle, WA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(It is the Halloween season and I’m working in the cosmetics aisle, advising customers on what kinds to use, letting them test products, etc…)

Customer: “So,I want to be Homer Simpson.”

Me: “Oh, okay.” *proceeds to show him our various kinds of yellow makeup* “Would you like to test some?”

Customer: “Sure!”

(He holds out his hand for me to dab some makeup on, but halfway through, says:)

Customer: “I might be allergic to this. I’m not sure.”

Me: “Oh! Well, here, let me get you a makeup wipe and we’ll get it off of you.”

Customer: “Oh, no, it’s fine. I’ll just walk around the store a bit and if it’s not too bad I’ll buy some.”

Customer’s Wife: *opens the new container of makeup* “Here, honey, put a little on your face and we’ll try that.”

(I momentarily wonder if she’s actively trying to kill her husband, but manage to get out:)

Me: “Ma’am, please don’t use the makeup before you buy it.”

Wife: “But why not?”

Me: “Because then I can’t sell it if you don’t choose to buy it.”

Wife: “Oh.”

Customer: “We’ll be back!”

(They then walk off, leaving me standing there with a makeup wipe and the vague fear that he’s going to go into shock and die in the store, but instead they show up five minutes later.)

Customer: “So it’s making my skin all red and itchy, but I think it’s okay. I’ll tough it out!”

Me: “…These items are not returnable or exchangeable.”

A Ballooning Crazy Request

| Knoxville, TN, USA | Crazy Requests

(I am working the registers and taking phone calls, when I got the following:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I was wondering what the most durable balloons you have are.”

Me: “Um… I’m not sure what you mean. Do you mean longest lasting?”

Caller: “No, I mean which balloons are the most durable. You know, so they won’t pop easily.”

Me: “Could I ask you what you’re using them for? Maybe I could give you a better recommendation.”

Caller: “Well, my kids got some BB guns for their birthdays, and I need some balloons that won’t pop if they get hit accidentally.”

Me: “So you’re looking for a balloon that can stand up to being shot with a BB gun.”

Caller: “Exactly! Yes!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t carry any bulletproof balloons…”

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