Belong In The Car Fool Lane, Part 2

| Friendly | November 28, 2015

(I am in the parking lot going into the store. I have really short hair and I park in a handicap parking lot. I have had numerous surgeries, which is why I have a handicap spot, and chemo, so I don’t have much hair. It’s really a boy’s cut.)

Woman: “Excuse me, miss! I need the parking spot more than your disrespectful self.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman: “You heard me! You have no right to park there! I deserve it more than you.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t know what you mean.”

Woman: “You’re just parking there so you don’t have to walk. You don’t even have anything wrong with you! You probably just got that haircut so people will think you have cancer and feel sorry for you.”

Me: “Actually… I had cancer and I have had many surgeries causing me to need this—”

Woman: “YOU’RE SO F****** DISRESPECTFUL! Get over yourself! You know nothing is wrong with you. C***!”

(The lady stormed off and I still have no clue what just happened.)

 

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Your Parking Skills Are Mud

| Right | November 26, 2015

(I am working part time directing traffic in the parking lot. The parking lot is a small patch of paved lot, some gravel, but mostly dirt. Because of the season the dirt is actually mud.)

Customer: *pulls up in expensive Mercedes from inside the parking lot* “Excuse me, but are there any spots? I’ve been looking for 45 minutes.”

Me: “Half the parking lot is free.”

Customer: “But all the places left have mud.”

Me: “So? Your car is built for it.”

Customer: “But my wife is wearing [Fancy Shoe Brand].”

(The customer drives back into the parking lot to look for a space, and returns after a few minutes.)

Customer: “Hey, would it be any trouble if I park in that spot?” *points to handicap spot*

Me: “Only if you don’t mind being towed away.”

(Customer drove around for a few more minutes until a spot in the paved area opened. He and his wife walked into the restaurant, only to leave a few minutes later. Their reservation had past.)

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The Drive Of Your Strife

, | Friendly | November 25, 2015

(I am a 19-year-old male and roughly 5’10” and 200 lbs. I am just finishing up my monthly shopping at the grocery store and am in the parking lot. In this parking lot, there is an aisle that is one way. I drive up in the proper direction when I arrive and park near the front. My car is rather large compared to most of the locals, so I make an extra attempt to check my surroundings before backing out. I am finally all the way out of my spot, facing the correct way, when a woman in massive SUV starts coming down the aisle in the wrong direction.)

Me: “Oh, no. She’s going the wrong way. D*** it.”

(Because the aisle is one way, it’s rather narrow, making it impossible for me to get around her, or visa-versa. I try my best to pull off into empty spots to give her room to get out of my way. At that moment, she finishes looking and around and decides she wants one of those spots that I am blocking, and starts yelling at me through her closed windows to get out her way.)

Me: “I don’t know what the h*** you want me to do! You’re going the wrong way and blocking me in! Go down and come back the proper way!”

(She rolls down her window and continues to scream at me while making sure she flips me off as many times as possible. My windows are already open so I hear everything.)

SUV Woman: “GET THE F*** OUT OF MY SPOT, YOU LITTLE F****T! F***ING MOVE. GET OUT! GET OUT!”

Me: *remaining calm* “Look. It’s a one way and you’re going the wrong way! I can’t get out until you move! Just go around and come back in the right direction!”

(The roughly 5’5″ and 100 lbs woman then proceeds to scream incoherently and exit her vehicle, leaving it running.)

Me: “Hey, what the h*** are you doing?! There’s no need to be so hostile!”

SUV Woman: “F*** YOU, F****T! F*** YOU! YOU CAN’T EVEN DRIVE, YOU LITTLE TWERP!”

(She approaches the front of my car and kicks the bumper hard and repetitively. I decide to get out of my car, and the lady realizes that I am roughly twice her size.)

SUV Woman: “YEAH, GET OUT HERE, YOU LITTLE F****T! GET OUT HERE Y—”

(She goes really pale and runs back to her vehicle. I am perplexed by this and watch as she peels out of the parking lot. An older stranger that was watching approaches me.)

Stranger: “Are you okay, young man?”

Me: “I guess so, ma’am. Apparently the parking spot wasn’t as important as she thought it was.”

Stranger: “I ran into her before. She reacted that way when a handicapped man was taking too long to cross the street, so she knocked his cane out of his hand.”

Me: “Oh, so she’s completely bonkers. Nice to know.”

(The woman in the SUV returns and parks on the opposite side of the parking lot.)

Me: “Maybe she’ll think twice before being so hostile.”

(Right on cue, we hear her screaming yet again, but this time at a vehicle waiting for her to cross the street.)

SUV Woman: *pointing at the crosswalk which is actually five feet away from her* “I’M CROSSING! I’M F****** CROSSING HERE. THIS MEANS PEOPLE! BACK THE F*** UP, YOU DUMB C***!”

Stranger: “I think that’s a no…”

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Unable To See The Disabled

| Friendly | October 31, 2015

(I’m out shopping with my mum and pull in the last space reserved for disabled people. My mum is a card holder and I’m used to dirty looks when I get out, clearly able. Note: my mum is able to walk a few paces but by no means a whole store. When I stop the car, I hear honking but it is on a busy road and I don’t think anything of it. I go to the back of the car and see a car behind us indicating they want the space which I ignore.)

Other Driver: “You need to move.”

Me: “No, I don’t.”

Other Driver: “You can’t park here. You need to move.”

(I proceed to open the trunk, revealing a clearly visible wheelchair.)

Other Driver: “You really need to move your car.”

Me: “No, I don’t.”

(By now I’m offloading the wheelchair.)

Other Driver: “Look, lady, you need to move you’re a**. My mother can’t walk that far.”

Me: “I’m sorry that all reserved spaces are taken but I’m not moving. My mother is restricted as well and we were here first.”

(I’m getting seriously annoyed dealing with that woman all the while handling a heavy chair that I’m not used to handling, but manage to keep my voice calm.)

Other Driver: “Lady, you are moving now or I call the cops on you.”

Me: *finally managed to get the chair out and closing the car* “Look, if you think it will help your cause, you are free to call the police. There is nothing they can do as we have a valid card and I’m sure they will want to see yours as well. They will not handle it lightly if they have to come for nothing.”

(I didn’t notice any official registration on their car and they took off, still pissed. Not known for her patience, mum made her way to the back of the car and got on her chair.)

Mum: “What was that about?”

Me: “Oh, some lady that thought she was more entitled to this space as we are and thought she could scare me away.”

(We didn’t see any police.)

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How To Drive Parents Apart

| Related | October 14, 2015

(My parents are visiting me, and have taken me out to lunch. During lunch, my dad mentions he’s extremely tired. Given that his body doesn’t reproduce red blood cells, this is a big deal. My mom uses the restroom while we decide to wait in the car. My dad decides he’ll be driving.)

Mom: *upon seeing my dad* “What are you doing? You said you were tired.”

Dad: “I thought I would drive.”

Mom: “No! You said you were tired. Move!”

Dad: “But I wanted to drive!”

Mom: “MOVE!”

Dad: *blares on the horn and gets the attention of everyone dining on the restaurant patio*

Mom: “MOVE! It’s MY car!”

Dad: *blares on the horn again* “HELP! THIS LADY IS TRYING TO STEAL MY CAR!”

Observers: *look confused and concerned*

Mom: *death glare*

Me: *gets out of the car and starts walking home in order to avoid dying of embarrassment*

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