The Mover/Shakers Of The World

| Friendly | January 27, 2017

(My apartment building is built along a main road that can get very busy during the mornings and evenings. This means that it can take a few minutes before traffic opens up enough for you to pull out of the parking lot and into the street. I’m sitting at the street, waiting for my chance to turn, when I hear a significant sudden banging on my passenger window.)

Me: *jumping* “What the–?!”

Woman: *standing outside, waving her arm, before cupping her hands against the glass* “MOVE!”

(I glance between the busy road and her, incredulous, before I glance back. There is a car behind me, the passenger door open, with the driver with their face in their hands.)

Woman: *upset I’m not paying attention to her* “Hey! Move it, you f***!” *starts rattling the locked door handle*

Me: “Hey!” *hits my horn, making her jump back*

(She looked shocked, as I noticed a gap coming up in the cars and rolled forward, “luckily” missing running over her foot. As I merged in, I saw her hurrying back to her car, just in time for the gap to end and more cars to cut them off. Here’s hoping I never run into her in the apartment complex.)

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Getting Cross With The Crossing

| Friendly | January 18, 2017

(I am recovering from a minor knee-injury. No crutches or cast or anything, but I still have it wrapped up with an Ace bandage beneath my jeans and can hardly bend it. I have a pronounced limp and can’t go anywhere fast. I do still have to go to the store, though, and while in the parking lot I am waiting at the cross-walk for several cars to go by. One car stops and waves me past, I just wave back. They wave again; I shake my head and indicate my abnormally-straight leg. The driver then ROLLS DOWN THE WINDOW AND YELLS AT ME.)


Me: *shrug* “If you insist.”

(I then begin limping my way across the intersection; I get about halfway across his car before he HONKS AT ME.)

Driver: “HURRY UP!”

Me: *still standing in front of his car* “You know, if you’d just gone on when I waved you off, you’d already be back on the road by now!”

(Thankfully he wasn’t road-raging so hard that he decided to run me over; I was not inclined to put any extra hurry in my step to finish crossing the street, either.)

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Gift Card Now, Entitled Brat Later

| Related | January 7, 2017

(Walking back to my car after picking up a few things the day after Christmas, I overhearing the following.)

Mom: “No, if we stayed any longer you would have ended up in the toy aisle and you don’t need any more toys after yesterday.”

Bratty Girl: “BUT MOOOOM! I don’t wanna go back home. I have nothing to do there.”

Mom: “Okay, let’s go back inside and pick out gift cards.”

Me: *face-palm*

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Someone Should Talk About The Purple Elephant In The Parking Lot

| Related | November 21, 2016

(While walking to car in parking lot.)

Dad: “Be careful. There are cars.”

Little Brother: “Obviously there are cars. What did you expect, elephants?”

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The Key To Decent Parking

| Friendly | November 17, 2016

(Shopping with young children can be challenging; just getting in and out of a car can be a massive pain. Even if there is enough space, having to watch a child next to a busy road whilst trying to struggle with a car seat is a serious issue. Thankfully, this time there is a parent and child bay. I have my eldest next to me whilst I have plenty of room to unbuckle and negotiate the seat out of the car. Just as I get the both sorted a two seater convertible pulls in to the parent bay next to me, and two middle-aged woman get out.)

Me: “What do you think you are playing at?”

Woman: “What?”

Me: “We need these spaces! There are loads more. Go park somewhere else.”

Woman: “F*** off. I’ll park where I want. I don’t want my car dinged.”

Me: “Yeah, it is a nice car. It certainly would be a shame if someone scratched it. Wouldn’t it?”

Woman: “What are you saying?”

Me: “Me? Nothing. But I know a lot of people are sick of people like you.”

Woman: “You wouldn’t dare!”

Me: “Me? I don’t know what you mean. But to be on the safe side, why don’t you move your car?”

(They did! Of course I would never do something like that, but hopefully someone learned their lesson.)

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