Coining A Turn Of Phrase

, , | Related | July 12, 2017

(My dad drives an extended cab Chevy Silverado and Mom and I have just finished shopping at the local mall. She doesn’t drive the truck often so she’s not used to it and is taking extra care to make sure she has plenty of room navigating the parking lot. She has just completed a turn. I’m about 8 years old.)

Me: “Why did you take such a big turn?”

Mom: “To make sure I don’t bump into things. This truck doesn’t turn on a dime.”

Me: *having never heard this phrase before* ‘Yeah, it turns more on a quarter.”

(She had to stop the truck, she was laughing so hard.)

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Cannibalizing What’s Left Of This Date

| Romantic | May 15, 2017

(I am a very shy girl who doesn’t go on many dates, but after almost two years a cute boy from my college asks me out and I say yes. Being shy with strange interests, I try to relate to him and make conversation but find it much easier to let him talk about himself. The evening is fine until we are leaving the restaurant and pass a mural.)

Me: “Oh, I know that person. That’s [Famous Spirit in folklore].”

Date: “So you like ghosts and stuff? What kind of stuff do you watch?”

Me: “I like horror video games but most of my interests are in folklore stories and just general research in that kind of thing.”

(We talk about ghosts and horror as we walk down the road and at some point we switch to murderers but then…)

Date: “Do you wanna come back to my place? We can watch some anime and drink wine.”

Me: *thinking he’s kidding* “Asking a girl to your house on the first date after talking about cannibalism? Are you trying to be Jeffery Dahmer?”

Date: “Who?”

Me: “You don’t know…? He was a serial murderer and cannibal who would pick up dates in a bar and bring them home to sleep with them, but afterwards he killed them.”

Date: “Oh… gross… So anyway, wanna come to my place? We don’t have class tomorrow. You can stay the night and things can go slow.”

Me: *now alarmed as I’m uncomfortable and a little afraid due to his segue, as well as his forwardness on a first date, so I make excuses about work and hurry to my car*

Date: “I had a great night.” *holds my forearms in a gentle but firm grip* “Are you sure you can’t come over?”

(I nod, subtly trying to pull away.)

Date: “All right…”

(He slips his hand on my neck and tries to kiss me. I keep my face down and pull away. He looks surprised, and then kisses my forehead.)

Date: “Don’t worry, I won’t force you.”

(Now sure he won’t get a second date, I gave a wry smile and got into my car, driving away as fast as the speed limit would let me. I’m not sure if that was normal date behaviour, but in my book, you shouldn’t ask your date to your apartment on the first date. Especially after you’ve been talking about murderers who eat their dates.)

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Park That Attitude

| Right | March 31, 2017

(I am visiting a popular tourist area on a busy day. I turn into a lot that you can park in that is attended by a single employee. There are other lots, but this one is closer to the attractions, which is why it is full up. There is a sign that says that you pay in order to exit, but I’m not sure there is a free spot. I stop by his booth first.)

Me: “Hey, the lot looks pretty full. Would I still be charged if I don’t find a spot?”

Attendant: “Nah. I’ll keep an eye on you. If you don’t find a spot, I won’t charge you.”

Me: “Thank you!”

(I drive through and start looking. A few minutes in, I can’t find a space and another car enters the lot to do the same thing. I decide to leave. The other car stops by a median for whatever reason. On my way out, a space opens up near the exit and I am happy about my good luck finding a spot. The other car sees me and zooms over.)

Driver: “Hey! What do you think you’re doing?!”

Me: “Huh? I parked.”

(I walk away. I’m not interested in talking to this guy. The attendant is watching and can hear everything.)

Driver: “That was my space!”

Me: *incredulous look* “What? You were on the other side of the lot. Don’t be ridiculous.”

(I keep walking. At this point, his passenger gets out of the car.)

Passenger: “That was a rotten thing to do!”

Me: “Lady, I got here first and found a spot first. Go across the street.”

Passenger: *to her husband* “Can you believe this?!” *to me* “You spoiled brat! Get in your car and move it right now!”

(I’m 30. I haven’t been called a brat in quite a while. The lady isn’t all that much older than me and I don’t look much younger than my age.)

Me: “Yeah, that’s not happening. Get back in your car and drive away. You are both being absolutely ridiculous.”

Driver: “If you don’t move your car, I’ll f****** move it myself.”

(At this point, the attendant walks over.)

Attendant: “Sir, you need to keep moving. If you can’t find a space, leave the lot.”

Driver: “Don’t f****** tell me what to do! You saw this whore steal the spot from us just now!”


(The attendant stuck his arm out in a gesture of “Hey, I got this.”)

Attendant: “That language is out of line. I’m asking you to leave immediately.”

(The passenger steps toward him with her arms out.)

Passenger: “Are you kidding me?! You SAW what happened! Do something about it!”

Attendant: “I did see what happened. This lady got here six minutes before you. She found a space while you were attempting to park on the median. I’ve taken your license plate down and if you don’t leave, I will be calling the police to remove you from the lot.”

Passenger: “[Driver], Can you believe this?! What has the world come to!”

Driver: “F****** incredible.”

Passenger: “I want to talk to your supervisor. You give me his number and I’m going to tell him what kind of person you are.”

Attendant: “I AM the supervisor and I’m politely declining your unnecessary feedback. Leave immediately.”

(The passenger is absolutely livid when she gets back inside. Her husband is just cursing loudly. The driver gets to the gate, which is blocked off, of course. The attendant takes his sweet time getting there to let him out. I hang back to watch the exchange. The driver has a few more choice words for the attendant before he is let out. I wait for the car to leave and walk up to his booth.)

Me: “Are you seriously the supervisor or do you have a boss that I could call and tell him what kind of person you are?”

Attendant: *smiling* “Nah, here’s my company’s number. They own all the lots here.”

(I did have a nice time and didn’t have to worry about having to hike back to my car since I found such a good space. Needless to say, I gave the attendant a nice little tip on my way out!)

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Unable To Validate His Reasoning

| Right | March 17, 2017

(I work at an underground parking lot. Above it is mostly offices and a few shops. Recently a gym moved into the building and offers their clients two free hours of parking as long as they validate their tickets and insert it into the pay machines. A man inserts his ticket into the machine and drives up to the gate. The gate doesn’t open so I look up at him.)

Customer: “I was at the gym.”

Me: “Oh, it looks like the ticket didn’t scan properly. You can go back upstairs to the gym and rescan it.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to do that. I was only at the gym for 15 minutes! I wanted to sign up for the gym but I didn’t have any ID on me so I had to leave.”

Me: “The discount only applies if the ticket is scanned at the gym. You’re welcome to back up and get it scanned again or pay the fee.”

Customer: “I didn’t scan my ticket. No one told me to do that.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Well, like I said, you can go up and scan it. It will take the discount off. Or, if you don’t want to you can pay the $5.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to do either. Let me out.”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t do that. You parked here and your ticket shows you owe $5. You can scan it at the gym or pay it.”

Customer: “No, I don’t have my wallet on me. Let me out.”

(This goes on for about ten minutes. We aren’t allowed to let them out for free as the money would come out of our pay checks.)

Customer: “Guess how old I am?!”

Me: “I don’t know how that is relevant.”

Customer: “I’m only nineteen! And guess where I work? At [Brand] fitness. I’m a personal trainer. Hey, I’ll make a deal with you. Look at this—” *he shuffles through his phone and shows me a picture of a man with no shirt on* “—if you want I can hook you up with him! Just let me out.”

Me: “No, thank you. Please either pay the ticket or back up and get the ticket scanned.”

Customer: “I’ll train you! Come on!”

Me: “No, thank you. Like I said, you have two options. Please choose one.”

Customer: “What if I ram the gate? I can get out that way.”

Me: “There’s a camera right behind you. It would log your license plate and you’d be charged for the price of the gate — which is more than the cost of your ticket.”

Customer: “Just let me out! I don’t want to do either things! I have things to do! I make $37 an hour! Just let me go.”

(This goes on for about another twenty minutes. Had he backed up and gone to the gym he would have been out in less than five.)

Me: “If you’re unwilling to pay or back up, I’m going to call security.”

Customer: “I’m not doing it!”

(I call security who comes down a few minutes later. I explain to the security guard what’s been happening and that I won’t be letting him out for free.)

Security guard: “You can either pay the ticket or back up and go get it scanned.”

Customer: “I’m not doing either.”

(He proceeded to argue with the security guard for ten minutes. Eventually he backed up and got the ticket scanned. The entire process took over forty-five minutes when it should have taken only five.)

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Test-Driving Customers Away

| Working | February 8, 2017

(I am a 22-year-old female from a family full of baby faces; we all look a bit younger than we really are. I am meeting a man to look at the used car he is selling, and I have brought my dad because I know very little about engines compared to him.)

Me: “May I take it for a test drive?”

Guy: “Uh, honey, do you have your license yet?”

Me: “Yes. I have been driving for six years.”

Guy: “Oh.”

(We go on the test drive. While I drive, the guy and my father have a conversation about cars that they like. We get back, and the guy continues to ignore me.)

Guy: *to my dad* “So, what are you looking to spend on her car?”

Dad: “Oh, no, this is all her money. I’m just along for the ride.”

Guy: *to me* “Sweetheart, is my car in your price range?”

(We left after that. His car was actually the cheapest one I looked at!)

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