Full Of S***

| | Right | October 31, 2008

(A guy with a dog walks up to our car park.)

Guy: “Can I bring my dog in here so it can take a dump?”

Me: “Sorry, we can’t allow you to do that. Plus, you don’t even look like you’re carrying anything to clean up the mess.”

Guy: “No, I’m not carrying anything to clean it up so you’ll have to do that. My dog needs to go to the toilet. You’re not being very helpful here.”

Me: “Sorry, I’m just here to direct people to where they need to park.”

Guy: “Look, my dog needs to go to the toilet and I’m bringing it in.”

Coworker: “Look, you bloody moron. This is a car park, not a g**d*** toilet! Take your dog and piss off!”

Guy: “You are not being very helpful at all! ¬†I’m going to go and issue a complaint against you but after I bring my dog in here and let it do its business!”

Coworker: “You bring your dog in here and we’ll have you fined. This car park is located on government property and allowing a dog to go to the toilet carries a fine.”

Guy: “It’s people like you who are what is wrong with the world!”

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At Least She Giggled

| | Right | May 18, 2008

Customer: “I can’t find my valet ticket…”

Me: “No problem, what’s on your key-chain? Anything specific?”

Customer: “Keys! With a round thing on it!”

(No luck, and with customers backing up behind her, I let her look for her own set while I attend to other customers.)

Customer: “They’re not here! Did you lose my keys? He lost my keys!”

(I suggest she look again for her claim check, and go back to other customers.)

Customer: “I don’t see what the problem is, my car is RIGHT THERE!”

Me: “Ma’am, is it at all possible that you parked your car and you have your keys?”

(She digs in her purse, giggles, and runs off to her car.)

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Keyless Start, Please Meet Clueless (Old) Fart

| | Right | March 6, 2008

(A customer comes out and hands me his valet ticket for his car. I go back to the key box and notice that I had written that he hadn’t given me his keys. He had one of those key-less start cars that you don’t need to put in a key to drive, but the key still has to be in the car to start it.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, you did not give me the keys to your car.”

Customer: “Oh yeah. You see this is a key-less start car here, son. You don’t need a key to start it.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I am aware that it is a key-less start, but I still need the key to be in the car to start it.”

Customer: “I don’t think you understand me here kid. It is KEY-LESS. You don’t need my key. Now please just go get my car.”

Me: “Sir, I know what you are saying, but I have parked many other cars like this..”

Customer: “Listen to me boy! I am an adult! I have had that car for a while, and I think I know a little more about how it works than you, don’t you think?! Now go get my car or I will tell the manager!”

(I try to tell him once again that I need the key, but he just screams and goes to get the manager. I tell the manager what the problem is.)

Manager: “Sir, he is correct. You need the key to start the car.”

Customer: “OH MY GOD!! Are you all idiots here?!”

(I take him and the manager to his car. I ask him for the key, which he gives me.)

Me: “Sir, please show me how to start the car without the key inside.”

Customer: “Ok, fine then!”

(He tries to press the engine start button, which doesn’t start.)

Customer: “…”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Customer: “Well, are you going to give me the keys so I can start my car?! Jesus, everyone knows you can’t start this type of car without a key! You should be fired!”

(That was the night I quit my job.)

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