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Save Being A Jerk For Your Personal Car

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 23, 2021

Parent and child spaces are vital; baby seats just cannot fit through the gap in a normal space. Even with older children, having a safe space for them to stand getting out of the car, reducing that risk of being hit by a parking car, makes so much sense.

I’m pulling into an outlet store car park. We drive down one of the car park aisles when a work van going the wrong way cuts us up and takes the last parent and child space. He gets out of the van alone, sees us, laughs, and flips us off. A real piece of work.

We drive around the car park and find a space on the far end. As we walk toward the store and pass the van, I get an idea. I take the baby back to the car and send my wife into the store ahead. I join her a few minutes later and we walk back to the car together.

Wife: “Oh, did the guy with the van drive off? He was in this spot before, wasn’t he?”

Me: “Yeah, he rushed off shortly after I got back to the car.”

Wife: “Hmm, how did you manage that?”

Me: “I don’t know what you mean. He probably had some urgent job on the other side of the city.”

Wife: “You didn’t?!”

Me: “Hey, if some elderly person calls you up and asks you to put ‘winter roof tiles’ on your house and you take advantage of them, you deserve it.”

Wife: “He is going to be annoyed at you.”

Me: “Yeah, especially when he gets there and realises there isn’t a house with that number on it.”

I got a lot of angry voicemails after that, but I blocked his number. It was childish, but maybe the lesson here is not to park like an idiot in your company van, especially when you have your work phone number on the side.

Parked On That Decision, Part 3

, , , , , , | Right | April 14, 2021

I work as a cart pusher/lot attendant. I’m halfway through a nine-hour shift on a slammed Sunday. I haven’t had my break yet, the Missouri sun is doing its best to melt me into the pavement, and I’ve already had to tell four lazy shoppers they can’t park in the fire lane because… it’s the fire lane?

After the fourth time, I’m pretty pissed, as the fire lane is directly in front of the dip in the sidewalk’s edge to roll the carts into the bay. Every time I have to ask a customer to move their car, I have a line of carts fourteen deep trailing behind me like a giant “HIT ME!” hazard for the stupid.

When the fifth car pulls into the fire lane, directly cutting off my line of carts, I’ve had it.

I park the carts safely, march to the car window, politely knock, and inform the woman at the wheel that her entitled butt and the vehicle it’s sitting in need to move out of the designated fire lane (though a touch more customer service-y).

The woman is amicable at first and informs me that she won’t be long; she’s just waiting for her husband to finish the weekly shopping inside and she’ll move the vehicle as soon as he’s back. I inform her that while that’s all well and good, she’s parked in the fire lane, which is both hazardous and illegal.

This well-to-do woman looks positively miffed at me and glares for a full ten seconds before she demands, “WELL, WHERE THE H*** AM I SUPPOSED TO PARK, THEN?”

I wordlessly turn behind me and gesture to the five-acre parking lot before she rolls her eyes and moves her vehicle.

Parked On That Decision, Part 2
Parked On That Decision

Calling Your Invisible Bluff

, , , , | Friendly | March 7, 2021

I’m a nanny and I’m taking my charge to her basketball game, played at the local elementary school. Even though we get there early, the parking lot is packed, so we find street parking a block or two away and walk to the school. As we near the gym, I notice one of her teammates arriving with her dad, parking in the last open spot, right by the gym — one reserved for people with disabilities. The car has no disabled parking license plates or tag on the rearview mirror.

I know invisible disabilities exist, and it’s possible the dad has a heart condition or something that prevents him from walking a long distance. But I find it odd that he has no tags for parking there in that last open spot of the lot, so I call out to him.

Me: “You forgot to put up your disabled parking pass. My mother-in-law got a big ticket when she forgot.”

She had taken my disabled nephew to a park, and she got the ticket dismissed after showing the parking pass.

The dad didn’t say anything to me but said something to his daughter, and she went into the gym on her own while he got back in the car and drove off to park elsewhere.

The Lights Are On, But We Wish No One Was Home

, , , , , , | Friendly | February 19, 2021

It’s autumn and the nights are creeping in. I’ve just finished shopping in a not-too-busy retail park. As I pull out of the parking space, I figure it couldn’t hurt to put my lights on.

Literally as my hand is on the switch, a car behind me starts flashing its lights and honking its horn. I didn’t cut them off — it isn’t even close — so I figure it must be about the lights. 

I switch them on (as I was about to do) and give a friendly wave and carry on. This is when the driver cuts the wrong way round the car park to get past me and stops in front of me.

She steps one foot out of her car and shouts at me.

Woman: “Lights on, idiot! It’s getting dark.”

I’m normally a confrontational person and I’m happy to say my piece, but she is being so overdramatic that it’s too surreal to take seriously.

Me: “Okay, love. Thank you. You’re so sweet.”

This pisses her off to no end.

Woman: “I am not your love!”

Me: “Okay, love, the streetlights aren’t even on yet. On you go.”

She huffed and puffed and seemed to think about approaching me, but she thought better of it. She got in her car, slammed her door, put her foot down… and drove straight into the kerbstone. I couldn’t see the damage, but by the noise, her car was certainly missing the corner of the bumper.

She jumped out, shouted at me, shouted at the car, and shouted seemingly at the world in general. As I decided to make a hastily retreat, she even tried to get in front of my car.

I don’t know what made her day so bad that she had to try to take it out on someone, but I know she made it a whole lot worse.

That Scam Nearly Blew Them Over

, , | Legal | January 29, 2021

I’m out to do errands with my husband. He has just parked our car in a large-ish free parking lot that serves several shops. As I exit the car, there’s a strong gust of wind and I can’t avoid the door hitting the side of a car nearby with an audible “thunk.” My husband comes around from the other side and we contemplate the damage; our car is all right but for a small dent, but there’s a visible scratch on the other one.

Husband: “We can’t stay here waiting for the owner to show up. Just leave a note with our phone number under the windshield wiper and let’s go.”

While I’m doing this, a well-dressed man in his forties appears.

Man: “Excuse me. Is something the matter?”

He says he works in one of the offices above and the car we’re standing nearby is his wife’s. We explain what happened, apologize, and offer to fill out the Accident Statement so that our insurance will cover the cost of repairs. During the entire conversation, he’s understanding and polite.

Man: “You know what, it’s a pity to go through insurance; your fee will go up. Personally, I wouldn’t even bother with such a scratch, but it happens to be my wife’s car. Why don’t we just settle the matter between us?”

He offers us a deal: 100€ in cash to cover the bodywork costs and no need to go through insurance with all the related hassle. I’m tempted to agree, as we’ve been standing in the parking lot long enough and I’m freezing. My husband is not convinced and would still rather do the Accident Statement. While they’re talking, two elder ladies with shopping bags show up.

Old Lady: “What are you lot all doing right by my car?”

Realization of what had happened struck us like lightning. I turned around from looking at the ladies to speak to the man, but he had already scarpered!