This story reminded me of my own petty revenge years ago. I lived on the fourth floor of a tall apartment building in the middle of other similar apartment buildings. The lowest floor had shops, so there was a public parking lot just under our windows.

One evening after dark, when all the shops were closed and those people who were not yet in beds were moving toward them, a car pulled into the empty parking lot. Driver and passengers opened the doors and came out to stand around the car and talk, loudly enough to be able to hear each other over their car’s radio.

I found a small, soft, thoroughly rotten apple in my kitchen. (That can happen when you have relatives who share their harvest generously; you don’t catch the bad apples fast enough.) Going out onto our balcony quietly, I threw my fermented apple juice barely held together by a peel toward the car and pulled swiftly back into the apartment.

There were over a hundred windows facing the parking lot, and a third of them were still lit, so I don’t think that the noisemakers had a chance to know which apartment protested their unannounced late-evening concert. 

I had no idea if I had hit the noisy car or not — the distance was rather big — but before I could search for another soft apple, the car closed its doors and drove away. I found no trace of the apple in the parking lot when I checked it in the daylight.

A few years ago at my old job, I lived about thirty miles away from where I worked. As I’m sure you can imagine, that was a fairly long drive one way, especially on minimum wage.

One day, I was tasked to work a double shift, and because I didn’t know any better, I accepted under the condition that I didn’t have to work the following day so I could rest. That much I made sure to get in writing. By the time my shifts were done, it was 2:00 am, I had an hour’s drive ahead of me, and I had been awake for thirty-two hours.

About ten miles into my journey home, I realized I was falling asleep at the wheel, regrettably because my tires kept scraping up against the curb of the sidewalks and jolting me awake. In hindsight, given that it was two in the morning, it was lucky that the roads were relatively empty. Still, I made the decision for my own safety to pull into the empty parking lot of a grocery store, park, and take a nap.

Setting an alarm on my phone for two hours, I moved into my passenger seat, tilted it back, and settled in to hopefully be slightly more awake and aware so I could at least get home safely. 

My car was jolted at some point, waking me up. In my panic, I thought I was driving again, except I realized I was in my passenger seat. My first thought was to check my phone, which told me that I’d only been asleep for about forty-five minutes. Then, finally, I looked around to figure out what was going on.

There was a body on my hood.

A man — some stranger I didn’t know — was lying sprawled out on the hood of my car, his head turned away from me. For a wild moment, I thought he’d fallen out of the sky, landed on my car, and was dead, but I quickly realized that was silly. For one, there was nothing for him to fall from in the parking lot I was in — I wasn’t close enough to any light poles that he might have claimed up for whatever stupid reason — and he was clearly breathing. 

To this day, I don’t know what happened that he decided to get onto my car like that, but he appeared to be either asleep or passed out, and I decided I didn’t want to get out to try and check on him, just in case he reacted violently to being disturbed.

After making sure my car’s doors were all locked, I called the police department. I explained, through my tiredness, the best I could about the situation, describing where I was and why I was there.

I was asked if I was under the influence at least three times. Finally, I was told a cruiser was on its way. Twenty minutes later, with the sleeping man shifting on my hood a few times enough to make my car rock, a police officer did indeed arrive. I waved at him and his partner through my window, which I cracked open to whisper through it.

Officer #1: “What are you doing out here?”

Me: “Taking a short nap. I’ve been awake for over thirty hours, and—”

Officer #1: *Pointing at the sleeping man* “Who is that?”

Me: “I don’t know. As far as I know, he just jumped on my hood.”

Officer #1: “Did you hit him?”

Me: *Confused* “No, I’ve been parked for almost an hour. He woke me up when he landed on my hood.”

Officer #1: *Getting visibly frustrated* “Why did you call 911 if you didn’t hit him?”

Me: “Because I don’t know if he’s having some sort of medical emergency.”

Officer #1: “You could have just checked him yourself and not wasted our time.”

Me: “…Why?”

Officer #1: “Excuse me?!”

He leaned back from me. Neither he nor his partner had even gone in the direction of the sleeping man. [Officer #1] spoke into his radio, looking angry. I didn’t catch what was said, mostly because my window was still mostly up, but I could only assume he was calling for backup.

At that point, I rolled my window all the way down.

Me: “Sir, could you at least check if the guy is okay?” *Points at the sleeping man*

The officer looked at the sleeping man and then at me, and I could see his face change. He took out his flashlight and shone it at me and then at the sleeping man, and then, suddenly, he switched from interrogation to helpful.

Officer #1: “Yeah, just sit tight. [Officer #2], get on the man’s other side, just in case.”

At the time, I was baffled by this sudden change in attitude but also too tired to care much, as the two cops tried to rouse the sleeping man, who predictably lashed out upon being woken up but calmed immediately and became very apologetic once he realized what was going on.

The sleeping man even apologized to me as he stood up and stumbled away, or at least tried to. The officers had to physically hold him up since it seemed his legs weren’t working properly. Once the man had sat down, the first officer approached me.

Officer #1: “We’re going to take him down to the station.”

Me: “…Okay.”

Officer #1: “He says he just laid down on your car because he was tired.”

Me: *Pauses* “Sure.”

There was silence between us for a few seconds.

Me: “Did you need anything else from me?”

Officer #1: “…No, I guess I don’t.”

He walked away back to the man and then helped him up to take him to the cruiser.

At that point, I just rolled my window back up and assumed that if they figured out what else they needed me for, they’d let me know. A few minutes later, they drove off, leaving me alone, and I eventually fell back asleep for the rest of my nap.

I drove home without further incident, and because I was never asked for my ID, name, or number, I never got contacted about that incident again.

I can only speculate, but I have to wonder if the reason the first officer was so hostile toward me and had a sudden change of heart was that he didn’t realize I was a white guy until I rolled my window down. I guess at this point, I’ll never truly know the real answer to any question brought up that night.

The store I work in is set up on a tiny side road next to a few other stores and a fast food place. Parking costs money, but each store had the opportunity to rent spaces for their customers and those spaces would be free. Unfortunately, our store was the only one to choose this option, so keeping everyone out of our two free spaces is an absolute nightmare, especially since the fast food place doesn’t have a drive-thru, so everyone parks to wait for their food.

In come two people wearing some kind of work uniform.

Customer: “Hi. I’m just coming in to tell you I parked in one of your spaces. It won’t be long.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s for our store only. You’ll have to move.”

Customer: “My coworker and I have an appointment next door. We parked his car in paid parking but mine is in your parking. It’s only for fifteen minutes.”

Me: “Perfect. The paid parking is free for the first fifteen minutes; you can move to one of those spots.”

Customer: “It’s fine. I just came in to tell you it’s me parked there so you don’t wonder.”

Me: “I appreciate you coming in, but you can’t park there.”

Customer: “No, no, it’s fine because I’m telling you.”

Me: “No, it’s not fine. You’re taking up my last open spot.”

Customer: *While walking out the door* “I’ve told you it’s fine because you know it’s me and I’ll be gone soon.” 

Something like this exact conversation about how it’s fine because they told me happens at least once a week, and the police won’t do anything unless they’re parked for at least seven days.

A few years ago while I was in school and job hunting, I got an interview at a company for office work: filing, answering phones, setting appointments, etc. I was looking forward to getting an office job instead of retail or fast food.

The building had big window walls that overlooked the parking lot, so you could see cars pulling in and parking. I pulled into the lot and parked my car. As I was walking in, I noticed that there was a car parked in the disability-accessible space in front of the office, and the car looked just like mine.

Once I was inside, I was greeted by the manager, who kind of gave me a scowling look. It made me a little uneasy as we walked back to his office. We sat down, and he started asking me questions in a bit of a clipped tone. He seemed annoyed by my answers, and I didn’t understand what was going on at that point.

Finally, he said:

Manager: “Do you always park in disabled spaces?”

Me: *Confused* “What do you mean?”

He went on a rant about how entitled I was for parking in the disabled spot at a potential place of employment, and I was just getting more lost.

Me: “What is going on? I didn’t park in the disabled space; I’m parked in the lot.”

Manager: “I watched your car pull in, and I saw you park there!”

Me: “I did not park in a disabled spot. But the car I walked by that is parked in that spot does look similar to my car.”

Manager: “I know I saw you park there and get out of the car!”

Me: “No, I didn’t.”

At that point, I was over the whole interview. I knew this would be a clusterf*** of a place to work for if this was the guy managing it. Then, he went a step further.

Manager: “Prove it.”

I grabbed my purse and got my keys out. I didn’t even bother waiting for him and just left the office. He jogged after me and hurried outside to stand and wait. His face went from smug arrogance to Surprised Pikachu Face real quick as I walked past the car in the disabled spot.

Manager: “Where are you going?”

I walked over to my car, and then I turned around and made eye contact as I hit the button on my keys to unlock it and got in.

He started to walk over to me, calling out that he was sorry about the misunderstanding, but I just put the car in reverse and left. I didn’t even make eye contact with him as I drove away.

This was my second interview, so the manager knew what I and my car looked like. I don’t know why he said he’d seen me. I’m assuming it was a lie to get me to admit I had done it. I’ve pondered this for many a night, trust me!

I go to a store I don’t usually go to, and when I look around, I realize that the disability parking is clear at the other end of the building, about 200 feet (about 60 meters) away! Fortunately, there’s an empty stall right in front of my destination and right next to a crosswalk, which I can use to open my door wide so I can get out easily.

I take that space, and some random moron starts yelling that I can’t park there; I can only park in the disability stalls.

Moron: “You’re taking those away from normal people!”

At least he didn’t say “real people”.

Me: “Let me get this straight; you’re really claiming that a disabled person should walk several hundred feet so the able-bodied don’t have to?”

Moron: “You don’t have a placard!”

Me: “I do, but I don’t need to display it because I have disability plates, but also, I am not in a disability stall.”

When I walked into the business, the manager was watching him out the window and talking earnestly on the phone. I suspect he was a known problem, and the manager was summoning the police. 

I’d heard about these moronic gatekeepers, but I didn’t expect to see one. I’d say I had no idea what he was thinking, but obviously, he wasn’t thinking.