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Always Looking For Someone Else To Blame

, , , , | Working | September 24, 2021

I was walking to my car after work and a coworker was already at her car. She saw me and started ranting about some damage done to her car. I asked her what was wrong and she said her car was all scratched up by a coworker of ours and to come to look.

Coworker: “That b**** scratched up my car and [Boss] didn’t do anything about it. Just look at it.”

I looked at the damage: a bunch of scratches above and on the inside area of the driver’s door handle.

Me: “Oh… That… looks like it was caused by long nails.”

Coworker: *Stutters* “Uh, yeah, she had long nails. I can’t believe she did this.”

She ranted a bit more but trailed off and got in her car and just left. Her nails? Suuuuper long and, oddly enough, the same color as the scratches on her car.

How To Get Yourself Permanently Uninvited

, , , , , | Friendly | August 31, 2021

Every few weeks, [Friend #1], [Friend #2], [Friend #3], and I plan little outings to catch up. This week is my turn to plan. [Friend 1#] tells me that [Friend #4] wants to go. I agree, even though I barely know him, because it brings the cost down and he seems like a nice guy. Before booking and paying, I send out a mass text.

Me: “Hi, all! The total for our adventure is $1,000. With all five of us, it’s $200 each. Is that okay with everyone or should we look for something smaller?”

The first three friends agree that it’s okay. [Friend #4] doesn’t respond. I wait for a full day before contacting him directly.

Me: “Are you good for $200 for [event]?”

Friend #4: “K.”

Me: “Okay, I’m gonna book it. You can pay me there.”

Friend #4: “I said OK.”

The day of the event comes and we all gather at my house. My first three friends have cash in hand, but [Friend #4] shows up empty-handed. I pull him aside. 

Me: *Quietly* “Hey, do you have your money?”

Friend #4: “No.”

Me: “I told you it’s $200 to go out today.”

Friend #4: “I don’t have that kind of money.”

Me: *Frustrated* “So why did you tell me you were good? I asked—”

Friend #4: “You said I could go.”

Me: “If you pay.”

Friend #4: “You didn’t say that. You invited me out and now you expect me to pay?”

Me: *Sigh* “If we cover you, can you pay us back?”

Friend #4: “You already paid for everything, right? It’s not a lot more if you—”

Me: “No. You pay or you don’t go.”

Friend #4: “I drove all the way here and you aren’t going to let me go?”

I shrug.

Friend #4: “F*** you!”

I’m one of those people who laugh when they get mad, like now.

Me: “Get the f*** out of here.”

Friend #4: “You know what? I heard you were a c***, but I gave you the benefit. Now I see he was right. You’re f****** white-a** trash. F*** you!”

I tell our friends what happened. [Friend #1] shakes his head. 

Friend #1: “I’m sorry, [My Name]. He has money; he just doesn’t like to spend it. He pulled the same s*** at dinner the other night.”

Me: “Well… thanks for being so flexible. But if any of you ask if [Friend #4] can come with us again, my answer is no.”

My friends all pitched in to help cover [Friend #4]’s absence. He tried to wedge his way into another event a few weeks later, but I shut him down without hesitation.

Not Just A Walk In The Park(ing Lot)

, , , , , | Friendly | August 25, 2021

I’m at the store, and I head back to my car and instantly see an issue. The car next to me has parked diagonally in the space; it’s actually partially in three different spaces. It’s not a big car and the spaces aren’t small; the driver just looks to be a selfish a**.

As I approach, the car door opens, and yes, the driver lets it rest on my car.

Me: “Close your door.”

Woman: “Oh, I’m so sorry!”

I struggle to squeeze past to get to the driver’s side.

Woman: “Am I in the way?”

She just watches me struggle past her car.

Me: “What do you think?!”

Woman: “Can you get out okay?”

I ignore her and get in the car. I haven’t shut my door yet.

Woman: “Some people are so rude.”

Me: “If that’s how you park a car going forward, don’t do me any favours and reverse anywhere near me.”

She stood there with her hands on her hips giving me a death glare, and then she turned around only to walk into the road and into the path of an oncoming car. It stopped and, of course, she started to shout at the driver.

It’s About The Aesthetic

, , , , , | Friendly | August 21, 2021

I’m out in the car park one day, admiring my neighbour’s car that is always gleamingly clean and runs perfectly. He is doing something to the engine, which is running. I shout so he can hear me.

Me: “How’s it going? Looks good!”

My neighbour continues peering closely at his car.

Neighbour: “I suppose so, but I’m not seeing very well these days.”

I’m just making conversation and having to shout again.

Me: “Engine runs very well!”

Neighbour: “Yes, it does, doesn’t it? I try very hard to keep it in good condition.”

Although the car is always in perfect condition, always very clean and runs well, it never leaves the car park. My neighbour is legally blind and so hard of hearing that he can’t get a driver’s licence. He can’t drive anyway.

Make It Work If You’re Not A Jerk

, , | Right | August 16, 2021

I am eighteen and have been working at my city’s bicycle parking for two years, so I know the rules and have learned to speak to people. After 10:00 pm on special nights (park concerts), we tend to have just one person present with the cash in the safe, because hardly anyone parks their bike after that time. Also, we tag bicycles with a piece of numbered paper and give one part to the owner to identify the bike when leaving.

Tonight, just after my coworker leaves, a man comes in and walks to his bike to unlock it. He then approaches me.

Customer: *Aggressively* “I lost my number, but I am still taking my bike with me.”

I am immediately done with his hostile attitude, and I feel brave. Yes, I saw him take the key from his pocket, but if he had simply come to me first, I would have walked with him and he’d have been on his way.

Me: “Sir, without your number, you cannot prove this is your bike.”

Customer: “But I just unlocked it.”

Me: “I could not see that to verify. You could have just come in and selected a bike that someone forgot to lock. If you knew your number was missing, why did you not come to me?”

Customer: “Listen here, you little piece of s***. I am leaving with my bike and you will let me.”

Me: “Then I will call for those cops and they will detain you to figure it out.”

There are cops present for the concert, having a good vantage point over the park from there.

Customer: “I want to talk to your boss.”

My boss is the city council member for traffic. He’s a good boss and I am allowed to call him, even this late. I call him and tell him what’s up, and then I hand over the phone.

He begins a tirade, insulting me, including a threat to knock me out. Then, my boss replies and the guy quickly goes quiet. He hands me back the phone, parks the bike, locks it, and hands me the key.

Me: “Boss, what did you tell him?”

Boss: “That if he uttered one more word, I would get him picked up for threatening a government employee.”

Me: “But I work through a temp agency.”

Boss: “You know that, and I know that, but he doesn’t.”

I wished him a good night and enjoyed the music from a chair in front of my little office. At 1:00 am, just before l locked up, the man returned. His bike was the last one left, as my boss instructed and I would have told him, had I had the chance. I handed him his key and wished him a good night with a smile.