The Tailgate Scandal

| Southampton, England, UK | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Popular

(In this particular car park, you take a ticket when you arrive — you can’t get past the barriers if you don’t — and then use the ticket afterwards to pay for how long you’ve been there. I’m waiting to pay for my parking, and a group of giggling girls, no older than 21 or so, approach the security guard.)

Girl #1: “So, like, we can’t get out; we don’t have a ticket.”

Guard: “You’ve lost your ticket? You can get a replacement—”

Girl #1: *giggles* “No, like, we never had one.”

Guard: “You… didn’t take one when you came in?”

Girl #1: *brightly* “Nope!”

Guard: “How did you get in?”

Girl #2: *clearly thinking that they were being smart* “We followed another car in!”

Guard: “So you tailgated another car in? Right, I see. You’ll have to call the control centre, and pay for a full 24 hours parking.”

Girl #1: “Uh, no. If we wanted to pay for parking, we would have just taken a ticket, right?”

Guard: “Yeah… You can either pay for a ticket, or you can go to jail. It’s your choice.”

Girl #1: “…How do we get a ticket?”

Trying To Backtrack The Conversation

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Extra Stupid, Transportation

(During peak hour traffic, it’s very slow on the highway, which also slows the number of cars trying to get out of our car park as our centre is right alongside the highway. There’s often a long queue of cars trying to leave the carpark.)

Customer: “Excuse me, how do I get back onto the highway?”

Me: “The exit is that way.” *points*

Customer: “Do I have to get behind that long line of cars?”

Me: “Yes, there’s only one exit.”

Customer: “Where’s the back way?”

Me: “There is no back way. That’s the only exit.”

Customer: “But there’s too many cars there! How do I avoid them?”

Me: “You don’t. There’s one exit. That’s why all the cars are lined up there.”

Customer: “…So, there’s no back way?”

Your Parking Skills Are Mud

| QC, Canada | Bizarre, Transportation

(I am working part time directing traffic in the parking lot. The parking lot is a small patch of paved lot, some gravel, but mostly dirt. Because of the season the dirt is actually mud.)

Customer: *pulls up in expensive Mercedes from inside the parking lot* “Excuse me, but are there any spots? I’ve been looking for 45 minutes.”

Me: “Half the parking lot is free.”

Customer: “But all the places left have mud.”

Me: “So? Your car is built for it.”

Customer: “But my wife is wearing [Fancy Shoe Brand].”

(The customer drives back into the parking lot to look for a space, and returns after a few minutes.)

Customer: “Hey, would it be any trouble if I park in that spot?” *points to handicap spot*

Me: “Only if you don’t mind being towed away.”

(Customer drove around for a few more minutes until a spot in the paved area opened. He and his wife walked into the restaurant, only to leave a few minutes later. Their reservation had past.)

Parking Back And Forth

| Seattle, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

Caller: “I’m leaving from your downtown terminal next week and I wanted to know if there is parking there.”

Me: “Sure! We have a small lot on our property, where you’re welcome to park if there is a spot available. There’s also a city lot, right out front, where you can park for about 3 days. And lastly, there is a pay parking lot at the office building just north of us.”

Caller: *impatiently* “I just wanted to know if there was parking there.”

Me: “Okay, great.” *thinking his question was already answered by the list of parking options*

Caller: “…so, is there?”

Desist The Tourist Assist

, | Bali, Indonesia | Comics Single, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

(I’m Indonesian and I live in an area where there are lots of tourists. Being Bali itself, there are barely any traffic laws enforced and lots of tourists tend to rent out scooters and treat them like toys. I’m turning into my favorite restaurant at a T-junction with no red light and my blinkers on, and today I felt like being extra cautious since the scooter I borrowed is my friend’s. I slow down and see a tourist and her son far away in the opposite direction but as I cross from the other side of the street, I see her actually speed up in her attempt to pass me when clearly there is a hump coming up. It’s rainy season so the roads are wet and of course when she tries to brake while going 40 miles/hour the bike violently slides. I am watching the whole thing since I have already parked my motorbike. Luckily no one was badly hurt.)

Me: “Are you all right, lady?”

Tourist: “This is your fault, you stupid girl! That was an illegal turn!”

Me: “Well, no, that wasn’t illegal. This is a two-way road.”

Tourist: “You apologize and you go pay for my bike!”

Me: “No, you were going too fast on rainy day. I had my blinkers on and clearly about to turn in. I saw you and you were far away.”

Tourist: “I don’t care! I have an international license!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that doesn’t mean anything, especially when you drive like that! I’m sorry this happened though. I suggest you go to the mechanics. They’ll fix up the scratches and it’s really cheap. Don’t go to the place where you rented the bike or they’ll make you pay $100.”

Tourist: “So you admit it? It’s your fault!”

Me: “I meant sorry this had to happen to you, not sorry my bad. Lady, I did nothing wrong. In fact I was actually trying to help you out!”

Tourist: “No, this is your fault! You owe me money! YOU OWE ME MONEY!”

(I look at the bike, it’s brand new but with a few scratches because of the crash. While the argument just goes back and forth, her son is clearly huddled under a tree crying and also he was wearing NO helmet while riding on the back with his mother.)

Tourist: “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! WHY DID YOU DO THAT? YOU OWE ME MONEY OR I’LL CALL THE COPS!”

Me: “Lady, go ahead. I’m not worried. But clearly the money seems more important to you than your son who could be injured.”

(She looks at her son who is in shock. She asks him if he’s all right and takes a second to check for any bleeding and then goes back to me.)

Me: “If you’d like I can point you towards the closest hospital or clinic.”

Tourist: “NO! You owe me money! You are just a stupid girl! I’m calling the cops! Give me your address, phone number, and the money!”

Me: “Lady, I have no money! Not on me and certainly not enough in the bank and if I did I wouldn’t give any of it to you! I’ve offered to go to the mechanics with you but I’m not paying a cent for your own negligence! I’m a painter, lady! I’m broke!”

Tourist: “Well, I’m broke, too!”

Me: “Right, you’re so broke you rented a brand new bike during your vacation in Bali. Here let me call the police for you.”

(At this point I decided to call my boyfriend’s mom, a cop who is head of the district we’re in. As I’m calling I began to tear up a bit from all the frustration. I wait on the phone for a good five minutes until the tourist gave up and asked me for my number to show her a good mechanic. And after that full hour of arguing, she didn’t even feel it important enough follow through on the mechanic BECAUSE SHE WAS LATE FOR A MASSAGE!)

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