God Doesn’t See Race (Cards)

| USA | Friendly | May 31, 2016

(The man behind me in the parking garage is attempting to tailgate and punches it, tapping my bumper. There is no damage, but considering the circumstances, I insist on calling the cops. The man gets very angry with this, including yelling at bystanders, shoving a camera in my face, and implying I am a racist simply because he happens to be black and I am white. I insist on calling the cops, regardless of what he says and does.)

Man: “You are a terrible person, you know that? You are horrible! God will judge you for this!”

(To make matters even worse, he tried to leave the garage, but when I didn’t completely move my car, he ended up paying the parking fee just to get out. He would have fled if the security guards didn’t show up and convince him to stay, since I had already called the cops. The whole time he insisted he was the victim and I was racially profiling him, despite my inability to see what he looked like before I got out of the car, rather than admit that he hit my car trying to get out of an $8 ticket. May he be able to justify that when HE meet his maker. Until then, I suppose the police report and a hike in insurance is justice enough for abusing discrimination claims over something so petty.)

Learning The Hard Way

| AZ, USA | Right | September 30, 2013

(I am a parking garage attendant. We have a separate entrance for our parking permit holders. There is a large sign which says ‘Permit Entrance’ above it. I check people’s permits as they go in. A driver speeds into the permit entrance, screeching tires and all.)

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t let you in here.”

Driver: “Why not?”

Me: “In order to come in this entrance, you need to have your permit displayed on your rear view.”

Driver: “Are you stupid? There’s no hole in my permit! How could I put it on the rear view?”

Me: “That’s odd. All the permits we hand out have a hole in them so they can be hung from the rearview. May I see your permit please?”

(She pulls out a learner’s permit from the DMV and hands it to me.)

Driver: “See? That’s my permit. No hole, idiot.”

Me: “…that’s a learner’s permit. I need to see a parking permit.”

Driver: “Parking permit?! I don’t have one of those! Just let me in already! Don’t you know who I am?”

Me: “I have no idea who you are. What I do know is that first of all, you’re trying to get in here without a parking permit, which I can’t let you do. Second of all, you’re driving alone on a learner’s permit, which is against the law. So you have, oh, five seconds to scram before I call the cops.”

(She speeds off as I write down her plate number. I call the police. Later, I hear that she was cited for multiple violations, one of which was, naturally, driving alone with a learner’s permit.)

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Military Intelligence, Part 5

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Right | April 24, 2010

(A customer drives up to my window and hands me ticket.)

Me: “Hello, sir. The charge is $8 please.”

(The customer hands over money and then looks at screen which displays charge amount.)

Customer: “You know, your screen is confusing. Before, it said 18, and now it says 8.”

Me: “Yes, the screen displays the time before the ticket is read.”

Customer: “Hmm, then you better fix your clocks. I don’t think I have ever heard of 18 o’clock.”

Me: “The clock is on military time.”

Customer: “Oh…”

Friend in Customer’s Car: “Didn’t you serve in Iraq?”

Military Intelligence, Part 4
Military Intelligence, Part 3
Military Intelligence, Part 2
Military Intelligence, Part 1

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