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Beating That Excuse To Death

, , , | Working | July 4, 2020

During a chat after work, in the staff room, we suddenly remember an event from a few years ago.

Manager: “If people don’t show up for work, it’s one thing. When such a person comes in again, we’ll talk about it. But lying to get a day off — that’s different. That will get you fired. Or at least, it will stop us from scheduling you.”

Me: “Like the one guy who claimed he had to go to a funeral?”

Manager: “Oh, yes, that one. He told us he had to attend the funeral of his girlfriend’s grandfather… at Second Pentecost Day.”

The Monday after Pentecost is also a holiday in the Netherlands.

Me: “’He even called me that morning, asking if I could cover for him. I was like, ‘Oh, condolences,’ and he answered, ‘Oh, yeah, I’ve known the man for only two weeks.’ I couldn’t cover because I was already working that day, but I was a bit surprised that he had a new girlfriend. And about the date of the funeral.”

Manager: “Yep. We didn’t trust it, so we asked him to send in a copy of the invitation. I looked at it and then I thought, ‘Oh, yes, it’s not that strange that they bury the man on a holiday. I mean, I would do it as soon as possible, since he’s been dead at home for all these months.’ He had photoshopped the date of the funeral but forgot to change the date of death!”

So, that had been the end of that guy’s career with us. However, the manager didn’t even tell the best part of the story. A year later, another coworker pulled exactly the same stunt. Guess what? He was fired, too!

Off The Leash And Out Of Line

, , , , , , , | Friendly | June 2, 2020

In the north-central part of Calgary, Alberta, there is a large park that is kept as close to natural prairie conditions as possible, the only upgrades being surfaced paths to limit where people can walk. A significant portion of it is designated as an off-leash area. Although we had no dogs at the time, we often walked there.

One day, we were on a path that intersected another path at right angles. On our left on the new trail, walking towards the intersection, were a woman and her dog. The animal was perhaps forty pounds, acting in a non-threatening manner and, of course, not on a lead. On the trail to our right, walking in the opposite direction, was a family of four — two boys, ages between six and ten, a small mom in her forties, and the tall, heavyset father.

When the two parties were perhaps fifteen meters apart, the dad yelled, “Put that dog on a leash!” There was no hint of a request in his voice.

The woman replied, “Sir, this is an off-lead area.”

The father responded, “My little guy is afraid of dogs. Leash him!”

I wanted to ask him why he took his kids there, but decided discretion was the better part of valor. The woman did leash the dog and another bully got rewarded.

Nothing Like A Story About Blatant Bigotry To Brighten Your Day

, , , , , | Working | May 15, 2020

I used to work as an interviewer in an office for a well-known park. One day, a nice man on crutches with cerebral palsy came in and asked about a job. I felt sorry for him and decided to offer him the telemarketing job, which was to just sit and take calls all day.

However, my boss took one look at him, chased him out, and then literally yelled at me for even considering hiring him for a park even though there were office jobs. Later, I was fired.

I’m glad that I never went back, even though I cried bitter tears. Discrimination is real and alive. I always knew this, but that day, I saw it.

A Heartbreaking Lack Of Pets In This Story

, , , , , , | Friendly | May 6, 2020

I was going out for a walk and ended up at a crossing where I waited for the light to turn green. I was joined by a middle-aged woman and her teeny, tiny puppy on a leash.

As I locked eyes with the dog, it started to tremble and wag its tail — more like its whole backside — ready to explode with happiness as it was about to be pet by me.

I was about to ask the woman if that was okay for her, when she suddenly looked at me and barked, “NO!”

I learned my lesson. I’m not sure the dog did, though.

Don’t We All Have A Pair Of Shoes We’d Scream Over?

, , , , , | Friendly | April 16, 2020

It’s a beautiful day, and I’m out for a walk with my friend, her husband, and their two-year-old daughter. They just got back from a trip to Disneyland. The two-year-old is making happy and excited babbling toddler noises.

Friend’s Husband: “She’s saying, ‘I love my shoes!’”

Friend: “She just got those at Disneyland, and she is so proud of them!”

I speak to the daughter, looking at her shoes.

Me: “Wow, those are some of the most awesome shoes I’ve ever seen!”

The toddler babbles happily and scampers off. We’re passing through a wide, open field where her parents can easily see her, so they allow her to wander a bit while we chat. 

Suddenly, she makes a strange shout and we all look over. It turns out that part of the field which looked identical to the rest was actually a deep puddle with grass just floating on top! The little girl is already up to her knees in water, getting more soaked by the second, and as the truth dawns on her she starts screaming louder and louder. 

Her dad sprints over immediately and scoops her up, getting soaked and splashed in the process. He manages to calm her down and she stops crying, so he sets her back on the path. She takes a few steps, squelching in her soggy outfit.

Now, she makes sad and frustrated babbling toddler noises.

Friend’s Husband: “Now she’s saying, ‘I hate my shoes!’”

Fortunately, it was a warm day, and they soon got her home and dry. The only lasting damage was to the shoes, and her opinion of them!