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That’s Awkward, No (Dog) Bones About It

, , , , , , , | Friendly | September 9, 2020

This happens about a week or so after the infamous Central Park Video. For future generations: an entitled white woman let her dog loose at Central Park, and a bird-watching black man asked her to leash up her dog. The woman threatened him by calling the police and saying he was assaulting her, which he wasn’t. This is relevant information, as I am white and Asian, but I mostly look white.

I am walking my dog and eighteen-month-old daughter to our neighborhood park one early morning, and because of the global health crisis, the dog parks, and tennis courts are closed for our dog to play fetch. Luckily, our neighborhood park has two fields, one small and one large. It has become an unwritten rule during the crisis that the smaller field will have the dogs run around in it and the larger one will be for kids and other social distance activities.

When I arrive at the park, the large field is empty, and temptation takes over me. I start to play fetch with our dog in the large field while my child runs around “chasing” our dog. Soon, my child wants a snack, so I put her in the stroller and take out string cheese.

My dog smells the string cheese and wants it. She starts to hover around my child. I distract my dog by throwing the ball, but said dog won’t listen. She wants that cheese. I give up and leash her up, hold the leash tight, and walk toward our ball. My dog tries to steal the cheese from my child’s hand. I don’t pay attention to anything else around me and utter this: 

Me: “You! I’m looking at you! Don’t you think about stealing!”

Then, I see movement, so I look up. Before my eyes is a black gentleman setting up to play soccer with his kids. The color drains from my face. I sputter, embarrassed and meek. 

Me: “I— I was talking to my dog. You guys go ahead and play. I’m sorry.”

The gentleman, luckily, laughs.

Gentleman: “I know you were talking to your dog. Don’t worry.”

I sighed in relief. Then, he asked about my child and dog, and I asked about his. We chatted for a few minutes. Then, I continued on our walk. When we see each other at the park, we wave, and he jokes, asking if my dog is causing any more troubles.

Nobody Likes A Litterbug

, , , | Friendly | September 8, 2020

I’m with one of my friends who’s committed quite a few petty crimes. We’re out drinking, but we can’t find a bin to throw away our bottles. After some time of fruitless searching…

Me: “You know we can just…” *mimes littering* “…the bottles, right?“

Friend: *Genuinely offended look* “Dude, I may be a liar, scammer, and cheater, but I draw the line at littering. I have standards, you know.”

Me: “Seriously?”

Friend: “Yes. There’s a long list of crimes I’m willing to commit, but littering is not one of them. And drugs. Drugs are bad.”

Honestly, he’s beaten up, blackmailed, and extorted people without batting an eye, but apparently, littering was too evil even for him. Who knew?

The Education That Time Forgot, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | August 24, 2020

I work at a state park where we have some rather large grindstones/kettlestones set up around our visitor center. I get this question almost every day from seventy-year-old elderly folks, to forty-year-old parents, to five-year-old children, even though we have giant posters explaining that they are very round rocks that helped carve out our potholes/kettleholes years ago.

Customer: “Is that a dinosaur egg?”

Me: “What? Uh… no. No, it’s not.”

Related:
The Education That Time Forgot

Being A Jerk Is In Her Nature

, , , , , | Friendly | August 23, 2020

There is a nature preserve near my house with a path all around a lake and a floating bridge across one section of it. For a long time, it was made of wood, but in the past few years, it has been replaced with a man-made material. It is constructed of many separate sections to accommodate for shifts in water level, with ramped metal connections in between.

One day, when I’m walking the loop, I decide to take a picture of a duck that is standing no more than two feet from me, completely chill with my presence. I hear someone approaching on the bridge — the connectors unfortunately make a lot of noise when stepped on — think nothing of it, and keep snapping away.

Then, the approaching woman addresses me.

Woman: “The kids must love this, huh?”

Me: *Smiling* “Yeah, they—”

The woman SLAMS her foot on the next metal connector.

Woman: “Such a nice sound, isn’t it?”

I just stare at her, shocked, as she walks to the next one.

Woman: “Coming out here to enjoy the nature and—” *SLAM* “—scaring all the birds away!” *SLAM* “It’s just so nice, isn’t it?” *SLAM*

She proceeded to stomp on every single connector for the entire rest of the bridge, raising her knee to hip-height each time for maximum stompage, repeating her complaints to every single group on the bridge, some of which included small children that never made a peep.

Eventually, she rounded a corner behind some brush, but even a hundred feet away, I could still hear her stomping and complaining all the way back to land.

Relieved to know someone was setting such a good example for the next generation as to how they should act in nature, I turned back to my duck. For some reason, she’d flown away. How odd.

Falling Levels Of Education

, , , , | Right | July 14, 2020

I work in Yosemite and we’re doing construction on the trail to Yosemite Falls. Later in the summer, the Yosemite Falls dry up and I overhear a tourist ask an employee in the uniform.

Tourist: “Will they turn the falls back on as soon as they finish construction?”