(One sunny morning I have some time to kill before catching a train so decide to sit in the sun in a local park. There are many other people with the same idea so the park is reasonably crowded. There is a large curved bench, about six or seven metres long, with only one other person, a middle aged woman, sitting on it at one end. I sit on it in the middle so the sun is even on my back and begin to read my book. A couple of minutes later I begin to feel very uncomfortable and look up to see the other woman glaring at me. I am a good two or three metres away from her.)

Woman: *in a really aggrieved tone* “Why’d you sit there for?”

Me: “Oh, sorry.”

Woman: “You just had to sit there didn’t you and completely ruin my day.”

Me: “I didn’t realise.”

Woman: “No, obviously not!”

(Feeling really uncomfortable I got up and moved to the other end of the bench. Not two minutes later a businessman walked up and sat exactly where I had been and started to read his paper. I covertly watched the other woman, who just sat and glared at the man. He was completely oblivious, and ignored her. Eventually it got too much for the woman and she jumped up and stalked off in a huff. Luckily there was another small park bench where she could sit by herself. I hope someone explained to her why it’s not nice to hog public amenities…)

(I’m hanging out with my friends at the park before choir practice. They are watching videos on a phone and I can’t believe the stupidity of the people in the videos. I lean over and wipe my hand on my friend’s shoulder.)

Friend: “What did you wipe on me?”

Me: “My faith in humanity.”

(I am on holiday, and having got separated from my friends, I decide to sit down in a park. I am female and 23 years old. I watch a bunch of teenagers who discuss something, look around the park, and then point in my direction. I think nothing if it, and start fiddling with a map. Five minutes later a boy of about 15 drops flat on the gravel in front of me.)

Boy: “I fell to my knees before your beauty!”

Me: *laughing* “Thank you, I guess?”

Boy: “Would you give me your number?”

Me: “I am leaving tomorrow, so…”

(The boy turns around and I see his friends watching us.)

Me: “Is this a bet?”

Boy: “Well… yes.” *blushing*

Me: “All right, then, because you made me laugh.”

(I then proceeded to very visibly write a number on a piece of paper. The boy left and got pats on the back from his friends.)

(My four-year-old nephew and six-year-old niece want ice cream.)

Me: “Okay, kids! One for you and one for you.”

Nephew: *annoyed* “Why did you bring me this?!”

Niece: “It’s yummy! Try it! Thank you Uncle [My Name]!”

Nephew: “No, it’s pink!”

Me: “What’s the problem with pink? It’s strawberry flavor. You like them.”

Nephew: *more annoyed* “Pink color is for girls! Boys eat brown color and white color! I’ll turn to a girl if I eat this!”

Me: “That’s not true! I eat pink—”

Niece: *angry* “I EAT ALL THE COLORS! DID YOU SEE ME TURNING INTO PONIES?! NO, SO EAT IT RIGHT NOW!”

(I was too busy laughing my guts off to stop him from dumping the ice cream on her dress.)

(My 12-year-old nephew and I are enjoying a sunny spring day. After some wild play and running around, he is content sitting next to me.)

Nephew: “Dad forgot to say to make you crazy this morning. I don’t know why he says so but each time we come to you, he does. But don’t worry, I won’t listen to him. It is stupid after all. If you are crazy, you cannot take us out anymore.”