Caldera Cravings

, , , , , | Right | February 19, 2011

Tourist: “Have I seen everything there is to see here?”

Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. What have you seen?”

Tourist: “Everything on the way in. Have I seen it all?”

(I point out several of the other options.)

Tourist: “Can I drive through any of the caves?”

Me: “Nope, sorry. They all have to be walked through.”

Tourist: “That’s ridiculous! Is there at least an elevator?”

Me: “Nope, just stairs.”

Tourist: “Well, where’s the river of lava? I was here a few years ago, and I got to stand by the lava.”

Me: “Ma’am, molten lava hasn’t been here for over 1,000 years.”

Tourist: “Yes, it has! I’ve seen it! You just haven’t been here long enough!”


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Not All Re-Cycling Is Good

, , , | Right | June 15, 2010

(I am in a public park, riding my quad. A little girl comes up and asks for a ride. Since I’m not accustomed to giving strangers rides, I politely decline. A few minutes later, an angry woman storms up.)

Woman: “Excuse me!”

Me: “Uh, yes?”

Woman: “Why won’t you give my daughter a ride?! You made her cry!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry about that.”

Woman: “So you’ll give her a ride?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. I just don’t feel comfortable giving strangers rides.”

Woman: “What terrible service! I am going to report you!”

(I hear her on the phone with the police.)

Woman: “Yes, this person refuses to give my daughter a ride on her quad. No, I don’t know her. What?! No, I am not on drugs!”

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Modern Parks Just Aren’t Cutting It

, , , , , | Right | April 1, 2010

(An angry-looking man storms up to me with his camera still around his neck.)

Customer: “I’d like to file a complaint!”

Me: “Sorry to hear that, sir. What’s the problem?”

Customer: “Why don’t you call some of your maintenance men to get out in the park and mow the grass?”

Me: *assuming he means a lawn area, as this is a national park* “Where did you mean, sir?”

(The customer names one of the park’s prime visitation spot, which is famous for its inner fields.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the grass is kept long to provide habitats and protection for the animals in the park.”

Customer: “Why the h*** would you do that? Don’t hide them! I paid money to come take pictures of them! The animals are here for me to take pictures of!”


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Those Pesky Survival Instincts

, , , , , , | Right | March 16, 2009

Me: “Thank you for coming to [National Park]. I hope you enjoy your stay.”

Customer: “Thank you. Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer: “When do you let the animals out?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “When do you let the animals out?”

Me: “It’s a national park, ma’am.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “The animals are wild.”

Customer: “All of them?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not very safe!” *walks away*


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