(I’m working as a photographer at a sea-life park, whose big blue dome, where the main dolphin show is held, is its landmark. A lady comes up to me.)

Lady: “Excuse me, but can you tell me how to get in the park?”

Me: *confused* “You’re already in the park.”

Lady: “No, I mean IN the park. Like, inside.”

Me: “Didn’t you just walk through the front gates and paid there? From there on, you’re in the park, on park grounds.”

Lady: “No, in THERE!” *points towards the show dome*

Me: *getting a clue* “Oh, you mean how to get to our show dome? Well, you can’t miss it. The entrance is on this side of the dome. If you just follow the path here, it will lead you straight to it.”

Lady: “Yes, that’s what I meant! How can you think I mean something else? I want to get IN the park!”

Me: “Ma’am, you’re already IN the park. This park contains a lot more than only the main dolphin show.”

Lady: “Wait, there’s more?”

(I still wonder why she thought that high entrance price was only for one show!)

(I live in a tiny village, but since nearly every German person is crazy about football, there is a huge football field with its own building. I’m taking a walk with my very-well behaved dog when I notice someone is seemingly throwing a barbecue party on one of the fields. This is not allowed, but the people are not from our village, so I decide to just leave them alone. That’s when I notice the (very young, pretty huge) dog of the family living next to the field has run off and is jumping around wildly between the people.)

Me: *walking over to the party to get the dog* “Holly! Holly, be a good girl. Come here! Holly!”

(Holly of course ignores me, because she’s not trained yet, since she’s basically a puppy that had its growth spurt early. She jumps around the barbecue, trying to get some meat.)

Me: “Holly! Holly, come here!”

(I finally get a grip on her collar, trying to drag the huge dog off while my own dog, who loves Holly, is trying to play with her. Basically, I’m being torn apart by dogs. The people having the party are just watching in silence and not doing anything to help. Of course, Holly gets out of my grip and runs off, jumping up on a table and eating some sausages. I manage to catch her again and drag her off a few meters.)

Guy: “You know, you should pay attention to your f****** dog, you dumb b****. That f****** thing ruined our party.”

(Smiling brightly, I let go of the dog and straighten up while getting my phone out and dialing.)

Me: “Oops. I guess I’m not smart enough to hold a dog back. Well, I guess the police will have to get her back to her owners. When my father and his colleagues get here, they’ll be overjoyed to hear what you said to me at your illegal party on a property where no open fires are allowed!”

(They WERE overjoyed. The host (the guy that insulted me) wasn’t. While I was waiting for the police to arrive, which took them less than ten minutes, I let Holly run wild on their party. Nice to know they didn’t even get to eat anything and most of them got out of it with a few scratches.)

(I have a little Cavachon dog, mix of Cavalier Spaniel and Bichon. He’s admittedly adorable, albeit a bit bratty. I’m taking him for a walk when I run into a woman walking a slightly larger mixed breed of some sort. It should be noted that at the time, my dog didn’t have any tags as he’d lost his other collar the last time he escaped the house before we found him.)

Woman: “Oh, look at that teddy bear face! What a sweetie!”

Me: “Thanks. Yours is cute, too.”

Woman: “Oh, he’d make an adorable playmate for Tigger.”

Me: “He’s not much of a dog-dog. He kinda sticks close to home.”

Woman: “Nonsense; he’s perfect.”

(She steps forward, scoops my dog up and starts carrying him away while he struggles to get down.)

Me: “Hey! Hey! Give him back! Lady, put him down!”

(She picks up the pace, dragging her own dog behind her and holding onto my dog who’s still struggling to get away.)

Me: “LADY! PUT HIM DOWN!”

Woman: *starts running*

Me: “Stop!”

(The woman suddenly starts screaming.)

Woman: “Someone help me! She’s trying to steal my dog! Help me!”

(We’re in a bit of a crowded woodland area that’s a hotspot for dog owners and joggers. One older gentleman in a jogging suit hurries over and the woman abruptly hides behind him.)

Jogger: “What the–?”

Woman: “Stop her! She’s trying to steal my dog!”

Me: “No, the one she’s holding is MY dog!”

Woman: “She’s lying! They’re my babies! He’s MY dog!”

Jogger: “Okay, that’s enough!”

(To my surprise, the jogger turns and grabs my dog from the woman’s arms.)

Jogger: “Okay, we’re going to figure this out scientifically. He doesn’t have any tags, so here’s what I’m going to do. I want both of you to stand back and I’m going to put him on the ground. The person he goes to is the owner, okay?”

(I agree, knowing full well that my little coward of a dog will immediately run back to me. The woman fusses about it the whole time she’s backing up. The jogger, still holding onto my dog’s leash in case he should bolt, puts him on the ground. Immediately, the woman, ignoring her other dog completely, starts calling him.)

Woman: “C’mere baby, come to mama! Come on, fluffykins, come here! Come here, let’s go! Come on!”

Me: “Boo, come here.”

(Petrified by this point, my dog bolts over to me and almost literally jumps in my arms.)

Jogger: “Well, that settles that.”

Woman: “No, No, No! That’s MY DOG! MY DOG! You’re letting that little b**** steal MY DOG! That is MY dog and I WILL take this to court! You hear me, you pathetic little b****?!

(I found out later from a park ranger that she was apparently infamous for running off with other people’s dogs, including two shelties, a Great Dane, a St. Bernard, a toy poodle, and a Chihuahua.)

(I am at a skate-park with my friends, and we’re setting his skateboard on its side to practice ollies. Note that there is a scooter group nearby with kids about the age of 9-13.)

Random Scooter Kid: *runs over skateboard with scooter*

Me: “Hey! Stop!”

Random Scooter Kid: *laughs and rides away*

(We set it up again…)

Random Scooter Kid: *runs over skateboard again*

Me: “Seriously, stop unless you want what’s coming to you.”

Friend: *to me* “And I’LL take care of that for you.”

Random Scooter Kid: “Whatever! You guys aren’t gonna do s***!”

Me: *silently fuming but glad that he’s gone*

(We set it up once more and…)

Random Scooter Kid: *runs over skateboard but falls over*

Friend: *takes scooter and FLINGS it over the fence rather violently*

Random Scooter Kid: “HEY!” *runs to scooter*

(About 10 minutes later…)

Random Scooter Kid: *to his mom* “They threw my scooter and look at it now!” *holds up bent scooter*

Mom: *cold death stare at my group but suddenly turns to a thanking look* “Thank you for teaching him a lesson!”

Random Scooter Kid: “WHAT?! MOM, THEY BROKE MY SCOOTER!”

Mom: “You failed two classes last semester and frankly, I should have done that myself. Plus, you should always expect what you deserve. Now let’s go. You’re grounded.”

Random Scooter Kid: “F*** YOU, MOM! THIS IS SO UNFAIR!”

Mom: “WELL, NOW YOUR FATHER IS GOING TO DEAL WITH YOU, AND I DON’T THINK YOU’LL LIKE IT ONE BIT MORE THAN THE PUNISHMENT THAT YOU’RE GETTING NOW!”

Random Scooter Kid: *whimpers*

(I’m working at a skate park owned by a wealthy Christian woman. All the employees are Christian, including me and the deeply religious manager. I’m extremely poor and the owner is always a month late in paying her employees (even skipping a paycheck once), yet I’ve remained for over a year out of loyalty to the children who visit us from broken homes. Then this happens.)

Manager: “[My Name], have you been eating properly? Hun, if you don’t have enough food, you better tell me. I can’t stand the thought of you going hungry.”

Me: “I’m okay, since I’ve still got those cans of soup you gave me last time. But I really do need my paycheck…”

Manager: *looks frustrated* “I know, hun. We all do.”

(Suddenly, the owner comes into the skate park looking very excited.)

Owner: “You two, come see! Come see what I bought!”

(We follow her outside. There, parked in the driveway, is a brand new luxury vehicle.)

Owner: “Isn’t it beautiful? [Husband] and I decided it was time for a new car and we’ve been eyeing this one for a while.”

(The manager and I look at each other, and my manager’s expression is positively glacial.)

Me: *to the owner* “It’s… nice.”

Owner: “Thank you!”

(More people come outside so the owner turns her attention to them. The manager and I go back indoors.)

Me: “I’m quitting.”

Manager: “Good. Get out of here. Find a job that will let you eat properly. I’ll be praying for you.”

Me: “You’re a true Christian. May God bless you and your family.”

(I returned half a year later to check up on the park. Under new authority, the manager was now receiving a steady paycheck.)