I’m a Brit on a bus in France with my Bulgarian friend and my French friend. We’re going to a French convention and the French friend has kindly offered us her abode. Going by accent, there’s a very loud American couple making derogatory comments about the passengers and generally about France in English, clearly thinking we can’t understand them.

My Bulgarian speaks loudly to my French friend in English.

Bulgarian Friend: “I think it’s very interesting that my school in Bulgaria had me learn English. Do they do the same in France?”

My French friend replies just as loudly, also in English.

French Friend: “Oh, yes. In fact, in Paris, you’ll be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn’t understand English at least a little. Hey, [My Name], what about you?”

Me: “Being from England, it means it’s pretty much all I can speak. Although I can tell you where I live in French if you want?”

French Friend: “Please don’t butcher my beautiful language.”

Random German Man: “We also learnt English in Germany!”

Random American Lady At The Back: “I’m from Louisiana! So we have English and… a different French.”

The couple was strangely quiet for the rest of the journey.

My luggage was stolen during a work trip. As a result, the selection of clothes available for my return voyage is dramatically limited. The current restrictions on people movement and shop opening hours don’t help either, so I have to make do with something that won’t get me arrested and is not soiled or stinking. Almost as soon as I reach the airport, well in advance of departure time, another traveller waves to me.

Traveller #1: “Excuse me, sir? What’s the way to the railway station?”

I check the overhead signs and tell him. He thanks me and leaves. I complete my check-in and go through security controls and toward the gates. The route, as often happens, winds through the duty-free shop.

Traveller #2: “Sir? Sir, please? How does one get through?”

There are arrow signs on the floor, so I can easily point her in the right direction. She thanks me and runs ahead. I keep walking.

Traveller #3: *Showing me his boarding pass* “Excuse me. Where? Please.”

I checked and we were going the same way, so I just told him to stay with me. I left him at the right gate and he thanked me profusely. Finally, I reached my own gate and sat down, getting strange looks from the other people waiting.

Only then did it dawn on me why so many lost-looking foreign travellers approached me of all people: I was walking around unhurriedly, with no luggage, wearing a none-too-clean high-viz parka with a massive company logo and English motto on the back!

I am conducting an English-speaking tour of the museum for some American tourists. We are in the Greek history section where we have several very famous and beautiful statues from the period.

Me: “This is the statue of Adonis, the ancient Greek god of beauty and desire.”

I am interrupted by one of the tourists, a middle-aged woman.

Tourist: “Nu-uh! That’s a man!”

Me: “Yes, Adonis was a male god.”

Tourist: “Ain’t no man gonna be a god of beauty. That’s the… uh… the Venus!”

Me: “Venus was the Roman goddess of beauty and love, and her Greek counterpart would have been Aphrodite.”

Tourist: “No! No man is going to be beautiful! That’s just wrong!”

Me: “I… uh… Well, I am sorry, ma’am, but that’s what the ancient Greeks believed.”

Tourist: “I bet he was one of those men who dressed up as women! That’s wrong!”

I let her rant for a while as she was not being too loud and I could continue the tour, only for my heart to sink as we progressed along the tour and got to another famous statue: Hermaphroditus, the god of hermaphrodites and effeminates.

This story is part of our Best Of March 2021 roundup!

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I am visiting Paris with my family and we’re eating in a little café. At the front of the café, they have bread samples.

As we’re eating, an old lady runs up to the sample tray and stuffs all of the bread into her purse.

Worker: “Why did you do that?!”

Old Lady: *In broken English* “It is free so I can take as much as I want!”

The transportation strike has begun in France. I want to celebrate Christmas with my mom and dad, who live hundreds of kilometers away from me. It’s important for me because my dad is currently going through chemotherapy. My mom has to take care of him and I want to be with them for Christmas and give them all the moral support I can. I intend to take the train because I don’t own a car. Some French people don’t need them because our big cities have good networks of subways and buses.

Then, my train is cancelled. All the other trains are either full or cancelled. I try to search through carpooling websites but unfortunately, I have anxiety and going through these sites is too much for me. (Please, don’t laugh. I’m not weak; I just have a disability.) Moreover, I travel with my cat and a lot of carpoolers don’t accept animals. It seems like I’m going to spend Christmas away from my family this year. I’m very upset.

I mention my cancelled train in front of my coworkers at work. One of them tells me that her brother and his wife will be driving to the same place this weekend. She phones him and she tells me it’s okay; I can travel with her brother. They’re not even bothered by my kitty.

I meet her brother and his wife a few days later. They’re both incredibly nice people and they drop me with my cat at my parents’ door a few hours later. I try to make them accept money. They refuse and I eventually give them a box of chocolates. I will always be grateful to these wonderful people who allowed a person with special needs to spend Christmas with her very sick dad and her mom who really needed support.

This story is part of our Feel Good roundup for December 2020!

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