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The Couponator 31: Saved By The Next Generation

, , , , | Right | December 8, 2021

A customer and her teenage son are checking out.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, this coupon has expired.”

Customer: “No, put it through!”

Me: “I’m afraid the system won’t let me put through an expired coupon.”

She holds up the line because her expired coupon won’t take 25 cents off her order.

Customer: *Demanding.* “Get me your manager!”

Her son rolls his eyes and says:

Customer’s Son: “Mom, I’ll give you the 25 cents, let’s go.”

After that she finally left, thanks to her son!

The Couponator 30: Managerial Override
The Couponator 29: A Cents-less Tragedy
The Couponator 28: Panic Attack!
The Couponator 27: Red Friday
The Couponator 26: Father’s Day

Laptop Flop, Part 32

, , , | Friendly | December 8, 2021

I am currently studying to become an IT Specialist and have become the go-to guy for my girlfriend’s friends and family with anything tech or computer-related.

Her father asks me to make his laptop “go faster”. The laptop was quite old and loaded with bloatware so I decided that it would be best to swap the HDD for an SSD and re-install the operating system along with the most important to him applications – all free of charge.

Before I start, I inform him of my plan.

Me: “What do you want to keep?”

I ask this a few times.

Girlfriend’s Father: “I just want my documents, photos, and music files, I don’t need anything else.”

I proceed with my plan and before I can get started, I already encounter a problem: he has forgotten the Windows login details, including his password. After scratching my head for a couple of hours and managing to successfully guess the password, I am able to log in and make a backup of all the files.

I then swap the hard drive (with a spare SSD that I had which I also didn’t charge him for), re-install the operating system, run all the updates and install a couple of basic apps such as Chrome and a media player.

I then copy all the backed-up files onto the laptop and even take some time to sort through some of the files to remove duplicates and the like; he has 60GB of music, half of which are duplicates.

I was happy with the end result, the laptop is running much faster, is not making a loud noise, and does not have tons of apps running at startup. Satisfied with my work I give the laptop to my girlfriend to give back to him, thinking that I will get at least a pat on the back or a thank you.

The next day I get a phone call:

Girlfriend’s Father: “What have you done to my laptop?! Where is all of my music?! Where is the Amazon Music App?! Where is Thunderbird?!”

Me: “Hi, I have kept all of your music, documents, and photos as you requested, they are saved in the respective folders.”

Girlfriend’s Father: “But where are my apps?! Where are all my desktop icons!? I had Windows Music Player on my desktop and now it’s not there!?”

Me: “Do you remember our conversations where I asked you more than once if there were any apps or anything else that you wanted to keep, otherwise it would be deleted?”

Girlfriend’s Father: “Yes, but that’s not what I meant! I just wanted my music, my documents, and my photos and now I don’t have Windows Music Player and all of my Amazon music is gone!”

Me: “Windows Music Player is still there, as it comes pre-installed with Windows and I will be happy to re-install Amazon Music and any other apps.”

He calms down and agrees. After meeting with him and installing Amazon Music and Thunderbird we encounter a familiar problem: he has forgotten his login details.

After explaining to him that there’s not much I can do unless he remembers his e-mail address, he gets annoyed and demands that I put everything back to the way it was.

Already frustrated at the situation and the wasted time I swap the drive back and gave him back his laptop. Shortly after I broke up with my girlfriend. Just over a year later, I received a message from him asking if I still remember the password to his laptop…


Laptop Flop, Part 31
Laptop Flop, Part 30
Laptop Flop, Part 29
Laptop Flop, Part 28
Laptop Flop, Part 27

Using His Outside Voice

, , , , | Right | December 8, 2021

My family is having lunch at a small restaurant when I’m about eight. My mum orders takeout to eat in the restaurant because she doesn’t like the food in the restaurant. We don’t realise that the restaurant has a “no outside food” policy. As the waiter begins to serve us our food, he notices my mum’s food.

Waiter:  “Sorry, ma’am, you’re not allowed to eat that here.”

My mum apologises and begins to put her food away. However, my dad is furious.

Dad: “What do you mean she’s not allowed to eat here?”

Waiter: We have a ‘no outside food’ policy.”

Dad: “Bulls***. I’m just trying to have a meal with my family and you’re stopping us from that. Let me talk to your manager!”

The manager comes and tells him the same thing.

Dad: “This is bulls***!” *To me and my siblings.* “Don’t eat any of the food; we’re leaving.”

My dad forces us to leave the restaurant, and on our way out, I see the “No outside food” sign.

Me: “Daddy, look! The sign says, ‘No outside food’!”

Dad: “SHUT UP!”

After Their Venture Capital

, , , , | Right | December 7, 2021

I have volunteered for a regional summer camp for many years. I am calling parents and caregivers to confirm and clarify information on their written applications, as well as give reminders about payments. This camp is pretty well known in this area and has been around for decades.

For the purpose of the story, let’s say it’s called Green Tree Venture Camp. I am calling a parent.

Me: “Hello! This is [My Name] with Green Tree Venture Camp, and I’m—”

Parent: *Interrupts* “I told you to stop f****** calling! I’ll pay you when I f****** can!”

I’m startled; I have never spoken with this parent and I’m the only one making these phone calls.

Me: “Um, um, I’m sorry, I don’t… Ma’am, I’ve never called you?”

Parent: “Yes, you f****** have! You keep calling me to pay for a test I took months ago. This is bulls***!”

Me: “Ma’am, no, ma’am… I’m calling from Green Tree Venture Camp about [Child]? Going to camp in July?”

Parent: *Pauses* “What?”

Me: “Yes, I have your application here and I just wanted to clarify some information so we can register your camper.”

Parent: “Why didn’t you say so?”

Me: “Who did you think I was, ma’am?”

Parent: “Some place called Venture that I owe money to.”

I work in the medical field, and I have a sudden moment of recognition.

Me: “Ma’am, did you think I was Venture Diagnostic Labs?”

This is a local place where most of the area’s blood and urine medical testing is done.

Parent: “Yes, you should be clearer on the phone! Who even calls people anymore?”

May We Offer The Poor Boy A Dictionary?

, , , | Right | December 5, 2021

An elderly man comes into the bookstore.

Customer: “I’m looking for a book for my grandson.”

Me: “What kind of books does he like?”

Customer: “Well his mother gave me a list of rules. The books can’t have princes or princesses. No knights. No dragons or other fantasy animals, and certainly no talking animals! No men that have to save women. No…”

In the end, he can’t buy a book for none of them get past the rules; it’s the saddest thing.

Me: “May I suggest a toy? We have a selection here.”

Customer: “Ah, yes. The rules for those are: no plastic, nothing that has to be built or put together, nothing that might have a sharp edge, nothing battery powered…”

In the end, he couldn’t get the poor boy anything.