(A woman approaches the check-out, hauling her two kids with her.)
Customer: “Ugh! Don’t ever have kids; they ruin your life!”
Me: “Um, well, I don’t really plan to…”
Customer: “What?! Why not?”
Me: “Um… I don’t know; I guess I don’t want any…”
Customer: “What?! How old are you?”
Me: “Twenty-three.”
Customer: “What if you have an accident? Then you’ll HAVE to have them!”
(I was working the box office when a woman with two young children came up to the window.)
Customer: “One adult and two children for ‘Scary Movie.'”
Me: “Ma’am, I should warn you – this movie really isn’t appropriate for little children. May I suggest another film?”
Customer: “What? Come on, it’s a comedy! It’ll be fine!”
Me: “It’s rated ‘R’. It’s pretty much nothing but sex, nudity, and violence. It’s really not for kids.”
Customer: “I’ll decide what is and isn’t appropriate for my kids to watch! Now sell me the tickets!”
(I sell her the tickets. Five minutes into the movie, the woman comes storming back out with her kids in tow.)
Customer: “You didn’t tell me it was THAT bad!”
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(A customer stumbles up to the counter, obviously drunk, with a four-year-old girl in tow.)
Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”
Customer: “Yeah, uh, my camera’s broken.”
Me: “Sir, it looks like the camera’s been dropped.”
Customer: “Oh, yeah, I dropped it.”
Me: “Do you have your receipt from the purchase with you, by chance?”
Customer: “Sure…” *hands receipt to me*
Me: “Okay, sir, I see here that you bought an accidental coverage warranty when you bought the camera, so the good news is that it will cover having it repaired at one of our service centers. We’ll just have to send it off, and it should arrive back at the store in about two weeks.”
Customer: “No! You’re supposed to give me a new camera.”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t exchange your camera because it’s about six months outside of our return policy, and our warranties don’t cover product replacement without attempting repairs first.”
Customer: “I WANT A NEW CAMERA! YOU TOLD ME I COULD JUST COME IN AND GET A NEW CAMERA!”
Me: “I apologize, but there’s not much else I can do. If you’d like, I can get you my supervisor and see what he says.”
Customer: “YEAH, YOU BETTER GO GET HIM!”
(I bring my supervisor over, and the supervisor confirms that we can only repair the camera.)
Customer: “F*** YOU! I NEED A CAMERA NOW! MY DAUGHTER’S BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW, GOD D*** IT!”
Supervisor: “Well, we can either have the camera repaired, or you can bring home a broken camera today, if you’d like.”
Customer: “FINE! BUT I’M NOT HAPPY AND I’M NEVER SHOPPING AT [STORE] AGAIN!”
(Two weeks pass, and the same customer comes back in to pick up his repaired camera, again obviously drunk.)
Me: “Here’s your camera, sir. The warranty fully covered the repair, so you’re all good to go. By the way, how did things go with your daughter’s birthday?”
Customer: “Oh, it was GREAT! Thank you so much for fixing my camera. You guys are real lifesavers! I’m gonna buy stuff here every chance I get!”
(I am working at the bumper cars at an amusement park, where there is a height restriction. A guy comes up with his son who is clearly too short.)
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, your son is too short to ride on the bumper cars.”
Customer: “I just waited for two hours in line to go on the bumper cars, and you won’t let my son ride!?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but there are signs outside that show the height restrictions before you got in line.”
(The customer then proceeds to grab his son around the throat and lift him up by the neck and holds him up to the sign.)
Customer: “There! Now he’s tall enough!”
Me: “Get the h*** out of here!”
(I’m ringing up a middle-aged mother for a Nintendo Wii System she’s buying for her son.)
Me: “Would you like to buy a Nunchuk as well?”
Customer: “H***, YEAH!”
Me: *taken aback by her enthusiasm* “All right… the Nunchuk is $19.99.”
Customer: “Only twenty bucks? My kid’s gonna love it.”
Me: *holding up the controller* “Uh, the Nunchuk is a controller… It’s just this right here.”
Customer: “Oh… then never mind.”
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