Customer: *with child in tow* “Excuse me, do you work here?”

Me: “Yes, can I help you find something?”

Customer: “There’s no one in your children’s department.”

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “There’s usually one of you people in the kids’ department.”

Me: “Yes, our lead children’s zoning person called out today.”

Customer: “Well, then, just who is supposed to watch the children?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, what do you mean?”

Customer: “Who’s going to watch the children? I leave my little girl over there while I shop, and I expect someone to watch her.”

Me: “…”

Customer: In your children’s department. The DAYCARE.”

Me: “Ma’am… we don’t have a daycare.”

Customer: “…” *walks away*

(My checkout is right at the top of the escalators, with four kids ranging in age from about 7-13 were playing on them.)

Me: “Guys, please don’t play on the escalators, you could get hurt.”

(The kids go away for all of a minute, then return.)

Me: “I asked you to please stop playing on the escalator.”

(A woman emerges from a display a few yards away.)

Customer: “Don’t tell my kids what to do!”

Me: “Ma’am, then please keep them away from the escalators, it’s dangerous.”

Customer: “Don’t tell me what to do!”

(Just then, one of her little kids falls down the escalator.)

Me: “You were saying, ma’am?”

Customer: *storms off*

(It is the holiday season that the Xbox 360 comes out.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I would like to purchase the ‘Box 360.'”

Me: “Oh, the Xbox 360. Well, unfortunately, we do not have any more left in store to sell you.”

Customer: *pointing at display box* “Then what is this? Are you lying to me? Is it because I’m old that you think you can get away with this?!”

Me: “No, ma’am. Those boxes are for display purposes only.”

Customer: “Well, I want one right now.”

Me: “We don’t have any in stock, but I can special order one for–”

Customer: “Now, listen here, you idiot! I see this box right here and I want to buy my son the Box 360!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t sell you a display box. The only thing I can do is special order you one. However, I can guarantee it will be there before Christmas.”

Customer: “I will take this Box 360 and I am not paying for it!”

(The customer suddenly throws the display box, resulting in security coming over.)

Me: *to the little boy with her* “Is she usually like that?”

Little Boy: “Yes, and if she would listen, I wanted a PS2!”

This story is part of the Christmas Day roundup!

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(A customer comes in with four very young kids.)

Customer: “Does [R-rated Police Drama] have any nudity in it?”

Me: “No, but it’s incredibly violent.”

Customer: “…but there’s no sex or nudity, right?”

Me: “No, it’s just really violent and bloody.”

Customer: “I’ll have one adult and four kids, please!”

(A woman approaches the check-out, hauling her two kids with her.)

Customer: “Ugh! Don’t ever have kids; they ruin your life!”

Me: “Um, well, I don’t really plan to…”

Customer: “What?! Why not?”

Me: “Um… I don’t know; I guess I don’t want any…”

Customer: “What?! How old are you?”

Me: “Twenty-three.”

Customer: “What if you have an accident? Then you’ll HAVE to have them!”