Mum Lost That Game

, , , , , | | Related | May 6, 2019

(I am sat in the living room watching a game review on YouTube. My mum has been watching TV.)

Mum: “Why are you watching other people play games?”

Me: “It’s a review. I’m not actually watching them play it.”

Mum: “That’s silly. You should just play it yourself.”

Me: “I’m deciding whether I should, based on the review, and besides–” *looking directly at her*  “–how is it any different from you watching [Home Decorating Show]?”

Mum: “What do you mean?”

Me: “You should just decorate yourself instead of watching someone else do it.”

Mum: “That’s completely different! I’m getting inspiration for when I do want to redecorate.”

Me: “And I’m getting inspired to play this game.” *puts headphones in and ignores her trying to justify the difference*

Aisle Be There… Maybe

, , , | | Related | May 5, 2019

(When I get engaged, my fiancé and I decide to hold our ceremony in Canada, where he lives. My family knows about the ceremony being in Canada for a couple of months, and my father is reminded that he needs to get his ID enhanced in order to attend multiple times. This is also around the time where the airports are getting ready to require enhanced ID in order to fly, something Dad does all the time, so he needs to get it enhanced soon, anyway. It finally gets to the point where my mom, grandmother, and I, while on the phone with him, agree we have to start nagging him to get it done because time is running out. He eventually gets the paperwork in.)

Father: “I’m not happy with the state right now. They told me it would be two or three weeks before my enhanced ID came in, and that was a week and a half ago. I’m going to try to overnight my passport later this week, but I’m scared I won’t be able to make it to your wedding.”

(Shortly after that:)

Father: “So, am I walking you down the aisle?”

Me: “I don’t know yet; I haven’t figured that out yet.”

Me: *internally* “I don’t know. Are you going to be there?”

Father: “Well, you’d better figure it out soon; you’re running out of time.”

Whisk-ey The Child Away

, , , , | | Related | May 4, 2019

(The entire extended family has gathered for Thanksgiving dinner. Among them is a married couple who have been on the ketogenic diet for going on three years. They brought their approximately 18-month-old baby with them, and everyone is thrilled to see the newest family member. He’s cuddled and passed from aunt to grandma to uncle to cousin all afternoon. This, inevitably, results in people trying to slip him snacks.)

Grandma: *holding the baby* “You’re just precious. Yes, yes, you are. Here. Try this.”

(She breaks off a tiny pinch of her plain sugar cookie and offers it to the kid. He takes a nibble and then claps his hands excitedly. At that moment, the baby’s father enters the room. He storms over and rips his son away from his mother-in-law.)

Father: “We do not feed our child sugar! That stuff is poison!”

(He takes the child away in a huff, leaving the grandma to look absolutely mortified in front of everyone else. About an hour later, he’s cooled down and returns with the child in one arm and a small glass of Jack Daniels in the other. Conversations continue while the father bounces the baby on his knee.)

Father: “He looks so happy. I know what will make him so happy!”

(He gives his son a sip of his Jack Daniels. The child makes a completely disgusted face while his father bawls laughing. The room goes silent. His wife, the child’s mother, is glaring at him.)

Mother: “Can I talk with you… a moment… in the kitchen?”

(Her face was completely red and her hands were shaking. I don’t know what happened next, since the mother was so angry she was beyond yelling and the entire conversation was done in enraged quiet. But the rest of the day, she did not let anyone else hold her child, and he didn’t stay in the same room as them.)

Maybe Try Some Parenting Books?

, , , , , | | Related | May 3, 2019

(I work in the kid’s section of a bookstore. A scenario like this happens about once a month, except in summer when it happens at least every week. A parent and child enter the section:)

Parent: *upbeat and cheery* “Now, [Child], you go ahead and pick any book you want to read, and I’ll buy it for you!”

Child: “Awesome!”

(The child inevitably goes straight to our section on Lego, Star Wars, Minecraft, etc. They pick out the biggest, beefiest book they can find, which often comes with a toy.)

Child: “I want this one.”

Parent: *disapprovingly* “No, not that one.”

Child: “But I want it!”

Parent: “No! That one’s full of junk. Pick something else; I’m not buying you that.”

Child: *picks up another book in the same section* “This one looks awesome!”

Parent: “Ugh, no, that’s another junk book. It’s not going to teach you anything, and you’re just buying it for the toy. I’m not getting you that.”

(The child is confused and upset. The parent stalks over to the novel section, browses for a few minutes, and calls their child over.)

Parent: “Pick something from here. These are good books.”

Child: “But I don’t want any of these books; I want one of the other ones!”

Parent: *snapping* “NO! Absolutely not. You’re getting something from here, or we’re leaving without anything at all.”

(It’s at this point that the parent will often bring me over and ask me what books their child would like. I try to get information from the kid — do they like fantasy, adventure, real-life, animal stories, etc.? — but it’s a lost cause. The child is so upset from getting yelled at, and so let down from not getting the book they originally chose, that 80% of the time everyone leaves empty-handed and grumpy. Parents, set clear expectations for your kids! Don’t promise them any book in the store if what you really mean is a serious chapter book. Don’t get angry at them because you weren’t specific enough in the first place!)

Groundhog Dad

, , , , , | Healthy | May 3, 2019

(My boyfriend and I are woken up by a phone call at six am from his 15-year-old sister saying, “Something is wrong with Dad; you need to get to the hospital.” We live 100 miles away, so I tell my boyfriend to go now and I will pack a few things and meet him up there. When I get up there I find out he has hydrocephalus, or water on the brain, which is a fairly rare disorder that typically happens to infants and people over 60. My boyfriend’s father is 47. It causes fluid to build up and put pressure on the brain. They release the pressure by removing parts of his skull. The next day, a nurse is in with him and my boyfriend’s mom comes out to talk to us.)

Mom: “They think he’s going to be okay, but right now we either have to sit with him or they have to restrain him. Otherwise, he might hurt himself; he can’t remember what is going on. Can you go sit with him for a while? I need a break.”

(We agree and go in.)

Boyfriend: “Hi, Dad!”

Dad: “Hi… Where am I?”

Boyfriend: “You’re in the hospital; you’re going to be fine. You just got sick and the doctors are going to help you.”

Dad: “Well, that was mighty inconvenient of me.”

Boyfriend: *laughing* “Just a touch.”

(My boyfriend’s father’s head starts to dip and his eyes slide to the side and become unfocused. Then, his head comes back up and he sees us and smiles.)

Dad: “Hi, guys! What are you doing here? Wait. Where am I?”

Boyfriend: *trying not to cry* “Hi, Dad. You’re in the hospital; you’re going to be fine.”

Dad: *laughing* “Well, that was mighty inconvenient of me.”

(Then, his head starts to dip. My boyfriend and I look at each other, both of us trying not to cry.)

Dad: “Hi, guys! What are you doing here?”

(I step over to his bed and take his hand.)

Me: “Hi, Dad. You had a small accident you’re going to be fine.”

(We stayed with him for a couple of hours having the same conversation. I had seen short-term memory loss on TV but thought it was an exaggeration. It’s not. Thankfully, he really was, overall, okay.)

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