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A Hole In Your Thinking, Part 2

, , , , | Right | January 5, 2010

(I am serving a father and son at the crazy golf course.)

Me: “All right, here’s your club and your golf balls. Just follow the purple path throughout the course.”

(Five minutes later, they come back to the register.)

Me: “You’re already done?”

Customer: “Yeah, I did hole number five and my son did hole number sixteen!”

Me: “You know you can do all eighteen holes, right?”

Customer: *very serious* “You’re kidding.”


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This. Is. High Bar-ta.

, , , | Learning Right | December 28, 2009

(I coach an Advanced Recreational group of kids aged 11-14. I’m spotting one of the boys on the high bar when his arm slips and he elbows me in the face.)

Me: “Thanks. Please try not to do that again.”

Child: “Sorry!” *laughs*

(He tries it again, and elbows me in the face again. This time, my lip is bleeding so I go over to the door to spit the blood out of my mouth into the garbage. As I’m doing this, one of the dads that is watching from the lobby runs in.)

Dad: “That was freakin’ amazing!”

Me: “What was?”

Dad: “From the lobby, it looked like he elbowed you in the face, you thanked him, and asked him for another. Then you came and spat your blood into the garbage as a show of dominance over the rest of them. FRICKIN’ AWESOME!” *high fives me*


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Taking Stupidity To New Heights

, , , , | Right | December 21, 2009

(At a large chain grocery store, we have run out of room in the back room. We’ve placed five or six pallets of pop up near our exit, and to keep people away from them we have placed caution tape around them. A customer comes up to me as I’m talking to my coworker.)

Customer: “Get my son down!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “My son is climbing on your playground, so make him come down!”

Me: “Miss, we don’t have a playground! What are you talking about?”

(The customer leads us to her son, who looks to be around five and is playing on the pallets.)

Customer: “I left him on your playground when I came in, and now he won’t come down!”

Me: “Please, those are stacks of pop and much too dangerous! You need to get your son down now!”

Customer: “No! It’s your playground and I don’t want to climb around the rope! You get him!”

Me: *to coworker* “Get the manager.”

(I go over and after about three or four minutes of bribing him with stickers, I get him to come down. By this time, the manager has arrived.)

Customer: *to manager* “You shouldn’t make your playground so tall!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, miss. We will fix it.”

Customer: “Hmph! I should hope so!”

(About an hour later, my manager came by, gave me a gift card, and another roll of caution tape to put up.)


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Grape Expectations

, , , | Right | December 17, 2009

(I’m behind the register when a teenage girl comes up with her mother. While I watch, the girl tells her mom to get her one of the ‘grape ones’.)

Mother: “I’d like one of your grape cigars.”

Me: “Alright.” *to the girl* “I just need to see your ID.”

Girl: “She’s the one who’s buying, not me!”

Me: “That doesn’t matter. I know she’s buying it for you, so I need to know if you’re over eighteen.”

Mother: “That’s stupid! This is the only place that sells them around here. I’m not wasting my gas driving somewhere else. If you don’t sell me those, I’m going to call the cops and they’ll make you sell me a grape cigar!”

Me: “Ma’am, feel free to tell the cops that I won’t sell your under-aged daughter a cigar.”

Charitable Mis-Trust

, , , , , | Right | December 16, 2009

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] calling on behalf of the [Charitable Organization]. Am I speaking with Mrs. [Customer]?”

Customer: “Yes, what’s this about?”

Me: “Well, I’m calling because you pledged a $100 donation to the [Charitable Organization] but, unfortunately, the donation was never received. Would you like me to send you a return envelope?”

Customer: “I never pledged $100. Are you sure you have the right name?”

Me: “Well, maybe the donation was made by your husband. It will take me a few moments to get to that screen on my computer and then we can get this all straightened out.”

Customer: “No, my husband would’ve told me if he’d pledged money. I really think you have the wrong number.”

Me: “According to our records the pledge was made under the name ‘Ryan’. Is that your husband?”

Customer: “No. That’s my nine-year-old son.”

Me: “Oh… I’m so sorry, ma’am, that pledge should not have gone through the system. I can cancel it for you if you’d like. I really do apologize.”

Customer: “No! Don’t cancel it. If he promised you $100, then by God, he’s going to have to find a way to pay you that $100!”

Me: “Ma’am, really, that’s not necessary. Our reps should have verified his age before accepting a donation from him. Really, it’s no trouble at all for me to cancel it for you.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not very happy with my son right now, and I know a nine-year-old boy who’s really not going to be happy when he gets home from school. At least someone should get something out of this! Thank you for bringing this to my attention…”