(I am eight and at a work event with my mom. It is important to note that one of my mother’s coworkers and her kids are black.)
Me: “Mom, look! The Brown kids are here!”
Mom: “[My Name]!”
Me: “What? That’s their last name, right?”
Mom: “Oh. Yes it is.”
(I work at a petting zoo which has emus. Emus are big and scary-looking, but ours are friendly and enjoy treats. However, they’re occasionally over-eager, and if you hold food on your flat hand, they might accidentally get your skin with a peck. It doesn’t hurt, but it’s uncomfortable. For that reason, I give kids lettuce to give to them, instead of their usual pellet treats, since you don’t have to use your flat hand.)
Boy: “We’re out of lettuce. Can I feed them those?” *points at buckets of pellets nearby*
Me: “Are you sure? We just need to make sure your mum is okay with it. Sometimes they do peck a bit harder than they mean to, so it can pinch.”
(The kid is very eager, and the mum gives us the go-ahead, so I help the kid hold out his treats. Shortly, this happens.)
Boy: “He pinched my hand!” *starts to cry*
Boy’s Mother: “Wow, isn’t that cool?! You got a kiss from the emu!” *to me* “Can I have a treat? I want an emu kiss, too.”
Boy: *suddenly stops being upset* “Wow! I got an emu kiss! Can I feed them again?”
(Great parenting, and unlike with most parents, I didn’t get blamed for the emu pinch that I warned them about!)
(I grew up an only child. I’m currently seven months pregnant, and though I moved out of my parents’ years ago, I only live a couple of miles away. I suspect someone is going through our mail, so I usually have packages sent to my parents’ address.)
Me: “Oh, Mom, I was just going to let you know that I’m expecting a package from [Store we often shop at]. It’ll probably arrive next week.”
Mom: “Okay. Clothes? Or something big?”
Me: “Clothes. [Husband] picked out an outfit for the baby, and I ordered a belly-band.”
Mom: *looks at me quizzically* “A belly-band?”
Me: “Um, yeah. It’s kind of like a belt that’s supposed to help support my stomach and redistribute some of the weight off my back. After running around all day, it kind of feels like a bowling ball strapped to my front.”
Mom: *rolls her eyes* “When I was pregnant, we didn’t have belly-bands. It wasn’t a big thing. Seems a bit excessive.”
Me: “Um. Okay. Well, it’s a pretty common thing now, and if it helps my comfort and it’s on sale, why shouldn’t I take advantage?”
Mom: *exasperated sigh*
(For the record, I did get my package, and as soon as I put the band on, I felt like I could stand up straight for the first time in weeks!)
(Several weeks ago, security spotted a woman hiding items under her toddler’s stroller, then leaving the store. They were unable to catch up with her, but posted a picture of her as someone to watch out for. She has just entered the store with the stroller. Almost immediately she starts hiding items under it. Security starts carefully monitoring her on the cameras while someone shadows her. After a few minutes, she starts heading for the door.)
Security: “Excuse me, I’m going to have to ask you to step aside. We would like you to speak with the poli– Hey!”
(The woman takes off running through the second set of doors and across the parking lot. After a moment, the security guy talks over the walkie talkie.)
Security: “Uh, call police in. We have an issue. She left the stroller.”
Office: “So, you have the stolen goods?”
Security: “Yes, but… the baby is still in the stroller.”
(Police responded quickly, and the child was taken by a social worker. Five hours later, the thief showed back up with an older woman and sheepishly asked if we could give her her child back. Instead, she was arrested. The stolen goods were less than $100, so the theft charge was much less significant than the charge for abandoning her child.)
(My sixteen-year-old daughter is taking drivers’ education at her school. The first part takes place in the classroom, followed by practical experience driving a car. Parents are allowed to attend the classroom part if they wish.)
Instructor: “Now, the law for drinking and driving for new drivers is very strict. It’s a zero-tolerance policy.”
(The mother of one of the kids raises her hand.)
Mother: “What does that mean?”
Instructor: “That means that your kids won’t be allowed to have any alcohol if they’re going to be driving within a certain timeframe.”
Mother: “I don’t get it.”
Instructor: “It’s actually very simple. If your kid will be driving within [number of hours], they can’t have any alcohol.”
Mother: “None?“
Instructor: “None.”
Mother: “But let’s say that my son is at a party, and he’s going to be there for an hour; it’s okay if he has just one beer, right?”
Instructor: *stares at her* “No.”
Mother: “No? But it’s just one beer!”
Instructor: *starting to lose patience* “No alcohol. Period.”
Mother: “But—”
Instructor: “NO. ALCOHOL.”
Mother: “…”
(Her son looked mortified.)
