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I See Purple Triangles And Rainbows In Your Future

, , , , | Right | June 10, 2008

(A boy and his mother come up to my register. The boy starts asking questions about the ant farm we have on display.)

Boy: “Can they mate?”

Me: “No, there’s no queen in there.”

Boy: “Oh… so they can’t mate?”

Me: “No, they’re all female.”

Boy: “So they can’t?”

Mother: *turns to boy* “Okay, shut up or go away! You’re being annoying!”

A Little Thing Called Responsibility

, , , | Right | June 9, 2008

(I walked into a game store and there was a violent carjacking on the local news where a poor couple had been killed. The only person behind the counter is a good friend of mine and a middle-aged woman walks in.)

Woman: “I can’t believe today’s violence. I blame that, the violent media.”

Me: “Yeah, people are a little crazy these days.”

Woman: *to my friend* “Can I have that Call of Duty 4 there, please?”

My Friend: “Um, who are you buying this for? It’s a little survey the store is doing…”

Woman: “Oh, of course! It’s for my 13-year-old son. ”

(As soon as she left, my friend and I busted out laughing.)


This story is part of the Hypocritical Customers roundup!

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Sorry I Asked

, , , | Right | June 5, 2008

(I notice an older woman and her twenty-something long-haired son struggling to find a certain brush in our hair care aisle.)

Me: “Can I help you with anything?”

Mother: “Help me? Help ME? The only way you could help me is to make my Fabio son over here stop dating thirteen-year-old girls!”

Oh Where, Oh Where Have My Role Models Gone

, , , | Right | May 31, 2008

Me: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Lady: “Yes, my daughter saw an ad for slip-n-slides in your store. I thought if you did have them, they’d be up here.”

Me: “Um, no, we don’t have them.”

Lady: “Ha! I knew it!”

Me: “Yeah, we don’t have them here. Just small appliances up here.”

Lady: “Yeah, my daughter is 12 years old, and she’s wrong. I can’t wait to tell her.”

Me: “Heh… yeah.”

Lady: “I can’t wait to rub it in her face. Mom’s right, and she’s wrong, FOR ONCE!”

Me: *facepalm*


This story is part of the Children-Behaving-Better-Than-Their-Parents roundup!

Read the next Children-Behaving-Better-Than-Their-Parents roundup story!

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Yes But No But Yes

, , , , , , | Right | May 29, 2008

(A customer calls back to complain about an order of pizza that I, the manager, had made and she had just received.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I am legally blind and my mother is looking at my pizza and saying the pepperoni, sausage, and green pepper pizza is missing the sausage.”

Me: “So, your pizza is missing the sausage?”

Customer: “Mom, it’s missing sausage, right?”

Mother: “Well… no. It has plenty of sausage on it… but there is a slice with just pepperoni!”

Customer: “My mom says it has plenty of sausage on it, but there is a slice with just pepperoni.”

Me: “So, a slice has nothing but pepperoni on it?”

Customer: “Mom, a slice only has pepperoni, right?”

Mother: “Well… no, it is evenly spread out… but there are mushrooms on this pizza!”

Customer: “My mom says it is evenly spread out, but there are mushrooms on this pizza.”

Me: “So, there are mushrooms on the pizza?”

Customer: “Mom, there are mushrooms on that pizza, right?

Mother: “Well, no…”

Customer: *to me* “I’m sorry to have taken up your time…”