Oh Where, Oh Where Have My Role Models Gone

, , , | Right | May 31, 2008

Me: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Lady: “Yes, my daughter saw an ad for slip-n-slides in your store. I thought if you did have them, they’d be up here.”

Me: “Um, no, we don’t have them.”

Lady: “Ha! I knew it!”

Me: “Yeah, we don’t have them here. Just small appliances up here.”

Lady: “Yeah, my daughter is 12 years old, and she’s wrong. I can’t wait to tell her.”

Me: “Heh… yeah.”

Lady: “I can’t wait to rub it in her face. Mom’s right, and she’s wrong, FOR ONCE!”

Me: *facepalm*

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Yes But No But Yes

, , , , , , | Right | May 29, 2008

(A customer calls back to complain about an order of pizza that I, the manager, had made and she had just received.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I am legally blind and my mother is looking at my pizza and saying the pepperoni, sausage, and green pepper pizza is missing the sausage.”

Me: “So, your pizza is missing the sausage?”

Customer: “Mom, it’s missing sausage, right?”

Mother: “Well… no. It has plenty of sausage on it… but there is a slice with just pepperoni!”

Customer: “My mom says it has plenty of sausage on it, but there is a slice with just pepperoni.”

Me: “So, a slice has nothing but pepperoni on it?”

Customer: “Mom, a slice only has pepperoni, right?”

Mother: “Well… no, it is evenly spread out… but there are mushrooms on this pizza!”

Customer: “My mom says it is evenly spread out, but there are mushrooms on this pizza.”

Me: “So, there are mushrooms on the pizza?”

Customer: “Mom, there are mushrooms on that pizza, right?

Mother: “Well, no…”

Customer: *to me* “I’m sorry to have taken up your time…”

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Teenage Boys And Smutty Mags? You Don’t Say!

, , , , , | Right | May 19, 2008

Angry Old Woman: “Excuse me! I am very upset because you sold my young grandson p*rnography!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t sell p*rnography.”

Angry Old Woman: “Get me the manager, now!”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Angry Old Woman: “Your pervert cashier sold my grandson p*rnography!”

Manager: “Are you sure about that? We don’t sell anything like that here.”

Angry Old Woman: “Do you think I’m stupid? I saw it with my own eyes! It had naked women and he told me he bought it here with no problem!”

Manager: “Could you show me on the shelf what it was?”

(She goes over to the magazines, and points at Maxim.)

Angry Old Woman: “It was this one! See? Right here! Where any child could see!”

Manager: “Ma’am, this magazine is not p*rnography. Granted, the women are scantily clad in a few pictures but they aren’t naked and there is no age restriction on its sale.”

Angry Old Woman: “I know p*rnography when I see it, and this is very offensive. How could you sell it to young children?”

Manager: “Well, actually our store policy dictates that we won’t sell this to a young child even though it is still legal. How old is your grandson?”

Angry Old Woman: “He’s only sixteen!”

Manager: *rolls eyes* “I don’t want to offend your moral beliefs, Ma’am, but if your sixteen year old grandson wants to look at women in bikinis there is no force on earth that is going to stop it. Seriously.”

Angry Old Woman: “The power of Jesus can stop it! The power of Christ should compel you to remove this magazine from your shelves!”

Manager: “Right… Real quick, ma’am, before I get back to work, can I ask you a question? Does your grandson have Internet access?”

Angry Old Woman: “What does that have to do with anything?”

Manager: “A lot, and I think that the power of Christ should compel you to learn how to look up his browser history. Have a good day.”

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At Least She’s Not Returning Used Diapers

, , , , | Right | May 12, 2008

(I was working checkouts the other day when I overheard this happening at the service desk.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these outfits.”

Coworker: “All right, may I see your receipt?”

(The customer hands over a receipt dated about seven months ago.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, we can only accept returns within the first ninety days.”

Customer: “But my child outgrew these! Am I supposed to just lose money on them?”

Coworker: “Ma’am, children do tend to outgrow clothing.”

Customer: “Well, what am I supposed to do with them? Why should I lose money because of this?!”

Coworker: “…”

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A Mother’s Love

, , , , , | Right | May 11, 2008

(A pimply, overweight 18-year-old boy dumps a satin black flame-job man thong on the counter.)

Boy: “Uh, can I return this? My mom got it for me.”

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